I'm afraid to excel

[QuestionQuestion]

I've always been one to depend on my own self to do/get through things. I studied abroad in the middle east when I was 19 and lived abroad elsewhere to. My heart was broken because I had a nervous breakdown 2 years ago, 4 years after college and waiting/wanting to finally excel in my field after so much work and heartbreak. Literally, right at the point in my life when everything was coming together professionally/personally I had a nervous breakdown and am now trying to feel or believe I can excel again, but I'm scared. It was so horrible the first time I couldn't even believe what was happening to me. I don't really have anyone for support or the sister who I live with that believes in me. I'm just so scared. I'm scared of all my dreams being broken again. I think I'm ok now mentally/ that Ive recovered but still totally not 100% sure. I just want to have the faith or belief that hey my dreams can come true and won't be shattered into a million pieces again. It was so horrible I wanted to commit suicide. There's so many opportunities and I feel hey all I need is myself but because of these mental issues Ive kind of lost some trust in myself/my brain to cope with things. My mom didn't know what I went through to graduate in 4 years. Literally the last year of college I developed anxiety and depression just being fixated on graduating at the end of the year. My mom thinks that it was something easy but no one knows the pain I went through to get things done. The thing is, I'm not trying to sound pompous or something, but I'm really smart and don't want to let myself settle for crap when I know that I just shouldn't. That I have so much more to live, be, and do. It's even hard for me to admit this anonymously on a board. It's something that I don't want to admit to myself. I'd appreciate any help/info from anyone. Thankyou.

[alankay]

Your are "snake bit" as they say(maybe). Like me you fear you will let others down or fail(with great embarrassment, etc) due directly to the way you felt back then. Now that you've been through that and it's no mystery to you that would help you cope with any difficulty.
Also may have some anticipatory anxiety that makes you hesitate to take a chance and try something new or perhaps challenging. Are you getting treatment for anxiety/depression? If so and you're doing better I went through that too. I will just tell you to never be afraid to fail and try things you rationally think should be OK for you. Don't give in to anticipatory anxiety. It's never as bad you fear. You will be surprised what you can do once you get started with support if needed. PM me anytime. Alankay.

[trinidiva]

Although I live in the states, my parents are from another country. In my family, education, and maintaining family honor and respect is everything. I think my biggest fear was being a disappointment to my family...and in a way, I still look for their approval.
You have to begin to do some things for yourself. Things that make you happy. Of course, not anything completely out of control, or illegal, but you have to start to establish your own identify, and not live for others. Trust me, I understand, and I've been there.
I hope that you start to feel better soon.

[QuestionQuestion]

Hi, thankyou so much. It makes me teary eyed just thinking I could fail. It was just so horrible and I can't have my heart broken again. I'm just I don't know I think I can get back there but I just picture everything falling apart again.It makes me feel good, like hey after all this I made it you know or even just to feel I am who I want to be. At this point I really don't care about what my family thinks anymore. I want to live for me. I've been getting treatment and actually do feel better or well enough at this point but I just think or fanticize like Yes I have my whole life together being/feeling good and having that all crumbling again. I just need to be more positive and firm. I appreciate your help. Thanks :)

[jessed03]

It sounds like you have a hell of a lot of meaning, and identity wrapped up in the two definitions of success and failure QuestionQuestion.

Go on a journey to create a person of value, a person whose identity can't be changed regardless of external happenings, independent of outcome, and try to use success and pleasure as seasoning to an already substantial main.

P.s. I opened this thread, I thought you meant you were scared to use the Excel Computer Program. lol.

[NixonRulz]

It sounds like you have a hell of a lot of meaning, and identity wrapped up in the two definitions of success and failure QuestionQuestion.

Go on a journey to create a person of value, a person whose identity can't be changed regardless of external happenings, independent of outcome, and try to use success and pleasure as seasoning to an already substantial main.

P.s. I opened this thread, I thought you meant you were scared to use the Excel Computer Program. lol.

I thought the same thing!

I thought there was finally someone out there that shared my fear of cells and equations