Anxiety question

[Johnny Boy]

Hi, I'm new here. I have been to the ER numerous times in the last few months. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and panic attacks. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and she asked me what my thinking pattern is which is causing my anxiety. I swore that I wouldn't be thinking of anything when these attacks would come, but she assured me that I was thinking of something negative to bring the anxiety about. After thinking about it, there are a few things. One is that I have someone who when he calls me to go out drinking and I tell him I have things to do, he always asks me...."What? What things do you have to do? He's someone I really don't want to hang around with anymore, and actually want to get him out of my life, but he is very confrontational and angry. The thing is that every time I tell him I have things to do and he asks me "like what?" in a very aggressive way, it stresses me out tremendously. It's like he owns me and I have to explain myself to him when he asks me what it is I have to do. I don't feel like I have to explain myself to anyone. When I tell someone I have things to do, I don't like it when they must know what it is that I have to do. How do I answer someone without neither offending them nor telling them what it is that I have to do, considering that it's none of their business?

[Johnny Boy]

And another reason I don't want to explain to him what I have to do is because sometimes I don't have anything to do, but am just using that as an excuse to not hang out with him. So that's another reason I need to know how to answer someone who asks me what it is I have to do when I say that I have something to do, besides it not being any of their business.

[Lorenz86]

He pretty much seems like a bully... If you truly want to get him out of your life you should be upfront with him and tell him how you feel. Why are you going to continue to talk to someone that stresses you out? how long have you guys been friends for?

[trinidiva]

There are people who are forward like that, and the key is, to nicely put them in their place. You only will probably have to do this one time, because then they will understand they can't ask you about your personal info anymore.

Next time he asks you in that tone of voice, just say in a very calm way.

"I don't have to detail exactly what I have to do to you, I just can't make it tonight."

Leave it at that. If he wants to get mad, just get off the phone. The whole point is, you have control over what information you choose to say or not say.

[Johnny Boy]

He pretty much seems like a bully... If you truly want to get him out of your life you should be upfront with him and tell him how you feel. Why are you going to continue to talk to someone that stresses you out? how long have you guys been friends for?

He's my cousin, so I'm stuck with him for life. Also, he has some of my stuff that he borrowed and I'm afraid I won't get it back if I make him mad. I want to get my stuff back and then get him to get the hint that I have other things to do than to hang out with him, without being mean about it, because there's no telling what he'll do. He snaps very easily. He's very aggressive and rude, and he makes me look like an ass when I go out somewhere with him because he starts fights and arguments with people and people think I must be an a**hole too since I'm hanging out with him. I need to know how to go about telling him that my business is none of his business when he asks me to give him details when I tell him I have things to do.

[Johnny Boy]

There are people who are forward like that, and the key is, to nicely put them in their place. You only will probably have to do this one time, because then they will understand they can't ask you about your personal info anymore.

That's what I'm counting on. Once he gets the hint that my personal business is none of his business, hopefully he'll never ask me again what exactly it is I have to do, and just accept it when I tell him I have things to do.


Next time he asks you in that tone of voice, just say in a very calm way.

"I don't have to detail exactly what I have to do to you, I just can't make it tonight."

Good suggestion. Thank you for that. If you have any other suggestions, I would like to hear them, so I can be fully armed the next time I have to confront him with this.


Leave it at that. If he wants to get mad, just get off the phone. The whole point is, you have control over what information you choose to say or not say.

You're exactly right about that and that's what I want to get into his thick, stubborn, rude and controlling brain. He has the mentality that he has control over you and you must explain yourself to him. I need to put a stop to that and let him know that I don't owe him or anyone else an explanation. Especially since it's something that doesn't concern him.