Bad Thoughts Can't Last

[janey]

I mean, eventually I will get over them and be on to something new, right?
I can't be anxious about the same thing for years, can I?
Logic will kick in at some point and it won't phase me...I hope.
I can't be anxious about this crap a year from now. I just can't.
My mind will get over it. Won't it?

[Jay1985]

This is what I have been thinking recently we're in the same boat here

[mellymel]

I believe it will. I was obsessed with violent thoughts about my daughter. I mean it was all I could think of, I was afraid to be alone with her, I was afraid to use a knife with her near me...and slowly it faded and my obsession moved onto something else. I know I wouldn't hurt my daughter and that she is my world, so I just changed my reaction to those thoughts and let them come as much as they wanted. And now when I get them I can brush it off, they still make me feel creepy but i know they are just thoughts. However, I am now obsessed with schizophrenia hahaha. But hey I would rather have that then bad thoughts about my daughter. Your mind will move on in time I am sure. Hand in there.

[mellymel]

*hang in there

[janey]

Thanks you two. I've been anxious about this crap for like 8 months now. I'm sure by next year it will move on to another thing that's better than this. Or at least I hope.
I feel like I'll have to be even again. I think of it like a road that is even for some time and then it goes over a big hill but then it evens out again. So while I'm racing down this hill, I'll eventually be even again. I have to.
I'm just afraid I'm going to discover something horrifying in the process, but it doesn't work like that. You don't just discover your unwanted thoughts were true this whole time. It's not some mind-bending movie.

[mellymel]

I'm not sure what kind of thoughts your struggling with, but I found comfort in these two quotes: NOTHING LASTS FOREVER (not pleasure or pain), meaning your pain will certainly come to an end. It will not be a battle for you forever, maybe a while, but not forever. And the other one is: TODAY IS THE TOMORROW YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT YESTERDAY. How much time have you spent on these thoughts? Did you worry about them yesterday? I'm sure you did, and today is just fine. Keep these in mind.

[jessed03]

I had some of my thoughts for 15 years, since I was very young. Maybe they will change to something else, but only if you find something else that causes you more anxiety. Logic could set it, but it doesn't for many, usually it just drags them deeper into it. If you don't deal with the root, it will keep killing you a little by little. I don't know how deeply this runs inside of you, and how badly it affects you, so its hard to say. All I can say is... Good luck :)

[janey]

:\ Wow...I don't feel so hopeful now.

Deal with the root...So my thoughts could be true and I don't know it?

Oh gosh I feel awful now...completely awful. Like my stomach sank.

[jessed03]

Deal with the root...So my thoughts could be true and I don't know it?


I don't know what you are suffering from, so I can't say. It could be OCD-based, judging by your posts, but it's hard to say.

Give me some kind of mild example? What does it revolve around?

[janey]

I can't talk about it because I am afraid I will be told something that will just make me more anxious. I analyze things word-for-word and can only see or worry about the one negative thing said versus any positive, just in case it might mean my thoughts are true.
I give up.
I'm off of this forum. I'm too sensitive to interact with people.

[jessed03]

I can't talk about it because I am afraid I will be told something that will just make me more anxious.

You will be 100% fine. And your thoughts are 100% incorrect. This bit proves it.I kinda wanted to just test you a little because you are elusive. :)

But it wont be easy to get over this. It runs pretty deep when a person can't talk about it. But, it is only an anxiety disorder. I can say that with 100% certainty

If you don't come back, have a good night Janey. Feel better soon!!

[jessed03]

Deal with the root...So my thoughts could be true and I don't know it?


And I'm busy tonight I wasn't concentrating, this isnt what I meant, sorry for not being clearer. :)

The root is anxiety. Always, always, always anxiety. The root is never somebody being evil or wrong, or whatever you fear you are - ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER. If you cut down your thought, and grow out of it, eventually, if you haven't dealt with that anxiety of feeling a certain way, of attaching a belief of being a certain way to your thoughts - then it will usually grow back as some other type of fear. Usually.

Thats what I meant by root. Not that you have to deal with being what you fear. Never that. If you grow out of a certain thought, but anxiety is still there, then it will grow back as something else. Similar to what Melly has said. Only, Melly understands now, and her thoughts will begin to lose grip on her slowly. She will stop being anxious of all types of intrusive thoughts soon (I hope), and not one in particular.

Let me pull rank on you. I have waaaay more posts, Im older than you, I've wrote articles for websites.... I swear to God, I would gamble my very soul on it... You aren't whatever you are afraid of. What is hurting you right now, isn't real. You aren't that. Now I'm an arrogant guy... I wouldn't say that unless I was completely, without any shadow of doubt - convinced.

So yeah.... If I felt you you weren't gonna be fine, i would never respond to what you say. :P If you could only see what I see, you would understand. You fit SO perfectly within the confines of this condition. Every worry you believe is unique, and frightening, we have all felt in one way, and sufferers have felt hundreds of times before you. Every fear you have, every bit of depression, everything that worries you - it all fits so perfectly into the definition of ocd-type anxious fears.

P.S. There are no negatives in this message. I've thought it out right down to the last word, edited and re-edited it. Any negatives you make here are imaginary!!!

[mellymel]

:\ Wow...I don't feel so hopeful now.

Deal with the root...So my thoughts could be true and I don't know it?

Oh gosh I feel awful now...completely awful. Like my stomach sank.

After all that advice I gave you, I read his response and my stomach sank too. Lol.

[jessed03]

After all that advice I gave you, I read his response and my stomach sank too. Lol.

Lol - Im sorry melly... I should have been clearer, I know how hard this thing is. :)

[mellymel]

And I'm busy tonight I wasn't concentrating, this isnt what I meant, sorry for not being clearer. :)

The root is anxiety. Not evil or whatever you fear you are. If you cut down your thought, and grow out of it, eventually, if you haven't dealt with that anxiety of feeling a certain way, of attaching a belief of being a certain way to your thoughts - then it will usually grow back as some other type of fear. Usually.

Thats what I meant by root. Not that you have to deal with being what you fear. Never that.

Let me pull rank on you. I have waaaay more posts, Im older than you, I've wrote articles for websites.... I swear to God, I would gamble my very soul on it... You aren't whatever you are afraid of. What is hurting you right now, isn't real. You aren't that. Now I'm an arrogant guy... I wouldn't say that unless I was completely, without any shadow of doubt - convinced.

So yeah... I am never wrong :P You can begin to give yourself permission to face this, in your own time - of course.

Did you have harm thoughts? I so, what was the root cause for yours, just curious. I believe mine stem from a fear of losing my daughter. I also have a fear of going crazy and my doc said that fear in particular is because I am afraid to be separated from my daughter. Since that is the main issue with me right now that's what we are working on (fear of losing my mind) we have not dissected the harm thoughts yet

[jessed03]

Did you have harm thoughts? I so, what was the root cause for yours, just curious. I believe mine stem from a fear of losing my daughter. I also have a fear of going crazy and my doc said that fear in particular is because I am afraid to be separated from my daughter. Since that is the main issue with me right now that's what we are working on (fear of losing my mind) we have not dissected the harm thoughts yet

Yeah, mine started as harm and insanity. I think mine came from a similar source, I was so protective of my mother, she had such a hard life, and I loved her more than myself, I imagine the same way you are with your daughter. She was very non-violent, so the idea of hurting her, or somebody else, sickened me so much that I'd be sick, and scratch my skin until it bled, and locked myself away. I also had the mental illness thing too, but I think that came from my cousin, who I looked upto, and was diagnosed with schizo.

I got over the harm and insanity though, with a lot of time, and effort, but it simply moved on to other, more extreme, and crazy stuff. I didnt remove the root I guess.

The fear of being insane is really hard. Anxiety causes so many bizarre thoughts, and they are used as evidence for it. Even now it tempts me, I just think Im aware of what it is, and don't give in.

How long have you been working on these fears? It's funny you know, because I can tell you love your daughter an incredible amount. You wouldn't feel this otherwise, yet you're paying for it. Sucks!

[nessiesnow]

Hi Mellymel. I have had anxiety for quite sometime and totally ignored it untill it came crashing down on me like a ton of bricks about a month ago. I had my first real life panic attack ruminating thoughts about hurting my daughter, (which I would never do) but wow how scary that has been. I was scared to be alone with her and thought I would lose control. Although those thoughts seem to try to come in my mind switched to something else, I started ruminating about hurting myself and its just absolutely crazy I dont wanna die. I take comfort in your posts that I am not alone but hate it for both of us. Just a thank you for being open about this so that someone like me doesnt feel so alone.