FordingTheWaters
02-22-2013, 03:52 AM
I've been suffering from intense, unending anxiety for about three months now. I have been prone to panic attacks for years, but for some reason, this strong anxiety begin in late November. At that time it came and went but around the beginning of December, the anxiety became constant, and has had a grip on me ever since. I am severely anxious about falling asleep, even though I actually want to, mostly because I have this fear that I'll die in my sleep. This started out with strong muscle tensions that would overtake my entire body which I often interpreted as something seriously wrong.
I went to the ER on December 22 last year and was told that based on my EKG and blood tests that there is nothing physically wrong with me and that the anxiety is the culprit of the uneasiness. I was then released.
Soon after, around Christmas, I started sleeping at night again, and while the anxiety started to go down, I did feel extremely sleepy during the day. This excessive daytime sleepiness doesn't go away and has not since then. I never feel like I got enough sleep.
Things seemed to improve mildly from about New Year's to the middle of January, and that's where things started to implode. For some reason, I became very scared and convinced that my physical symptoms has to be something other than anxiety.
"How could anxiety be like THIS?!"
I thought...
I've called the nurse's hotline during the night numerous times. They know who I am now. Every night I have this feeling that I am about to die. On top of that I am very lonely because I can only sleep in the day time.
I ended up going to the ER again on February 1st and they did the same tests and told me that I was ok and simply suffering from anxiety. I went home calmer but I freaked that same night because whenever I'm not fearing dying, I'm afraid I'm going to lose touch with reality.
I finally went to the ER again Monday night, which feels like forever ago, because I was sleeping very poorly the week of Valentine's Day, and I started to get short of breath and leg cramps and I would try to fall asleep. The shortness of breath and leg cramps are gone, but now I'm even WORSE off because I'm not sleeping anymore! Beforehand, I would at least sleep, even though I would wake up sleepy and as exhausted as before.
Now all I end up taking are catnaps. I ALWAYS dream during them, even though they are incredibly short, like an hour or less. And the dreams are always very pronounced. I last slept three hours ago for about one hour. These naps make me feel refreshed and relieved for a little while, and then the anxiety comes back in.
And at this time of night (now 3:41am) I never seem to go back to sleep. I am TOO TIRED to do anything other than lay there and try to sleep and am AFRAID to do anything other than such. Yet when I try, I usually don't sleep.
I'm afraid I'll never get a full night's sleep again =(
I saw my physician on Tuesday who said that I have severe anxiety and said I needed counseling. My girlfriend, whose mom is a nurse and knows people in the medical community, says they think I have an adrenal problem. I brought that up with him but he didn't look into it because he said that with normal BP and being a young man, such would be unlikely for me.
I'm pushing forward, scheduled an appt with a therapist, and trying to get in with a sleep specialist. But for now I'm so on edge. I'm worried about losing touch with reality and that I'll go so long without adequate sleep that I will lose my ability to think.
I don't have any suicidal thoughts, and wouldn't call myself as depressed as I am ANXIOUS, but I feel like I'm always dreaming and like everything around me isn't even real.
I MADE myself go out into town the day before yesterday to do stuff in the sun and that felt great for a while but I'm so SO SO tired yet can't sleep when I try.
Everyone says that anxiety is something millions go through but I feel as though no one has it like this. And I'm also aware of how selfish that is of me to say that.
I just want a normal life again. I want to be able to interact with my family and girlfriend normally again. I can't think of anything other than what I'm going through, but I am forcing myself to try.
Has anyone else been through something similar to this and got through it? I need to believe that I will get through this. I pray to God every day that He will just hold my hand. Each day feels like it's a year away.
:(( I want to live life, I want to be back.
And yes, for the record, getting through the night always has me more on edge because of the loneliness. I often THINK I'm getting confused and losing it, so I do math problems, and ask myself questions like "what year is it?" "what's your name?" "Who is President?"
I hate how I always feel like I could lose my sense of self at any minute and must examine my perceptions at every chance, or that I will lose it.
I just want to get through this :((
I went to the ER on December 22 last year and was told that based on my EKG and blood tests that there is nothing physically wrong with me and that the anxiety is the culprit of the uneasiness. I was then released.
Soon after, around Christmas, I started sleeping at night again, and while the anxiety started to go down, I did feel extremely sleepy during the day. This excessive daytime sleepiness doesn't go away and has not since then. I never feel like I got enough sleep.
Things seemed to improve mildly from about New Year's to the middle of January, and that's where things started to implode. For some reason, I became very scared and convinced that my physical symptoms has to be something other than anxiety.
"How could anxiety be like THIS?!"
I thought...
I've called the nurse's hotline during the night numerous times. They know who I am now. Every night I have this feeling that I am about to die. On top of that I am very lonely because I can only sleep in the day time.
I ended up going to the ER again on February 1st and they did the same tests and told me that I was ok and simply suffering from anxiety. I went home calmer but I freaked that same night because whenever I'm not fearing dying, I'm afraid I'm going to lose touch with reality.
I finally went to the ER again Monday night, which feels like forever ago, because I was sleeping very poorly the week of Valentine's Day, and I started to get short of breath and leg cramps and I would try to fall asleep. The shortness of breath and leg cramps are gone, but now I'm even WORSE off because I'm not sleeping anymore! Beforehand, I would at least sleep, even though I would wake up sleepy and as exhausted as before.
Now all I end up taking are catnaps. I ALWAYS dream during them, even though they are incredibly short, like an hour or less. And the dreams are always very pronounced. I last slept three hours ago for about one hour. These naps make me feel refreshed and relieved for a little while, and then the anxiety comes back in.
And at this time of night (now 3:41am) I never seem to go back to sleep. I am TOO TIRED to do anything other than lay there and try to sleep and am AFRAID to do anything other than such. Yet when I try, I usually don't sleep.
I'm afraid I'll never get a full night's sleep again =(
I saw my physician on Tuesday who said that I have severe anxiety and said I needed counseling. My girlfriend, whose mom is a nurse and knows people in the medical community, says they think I have an adrenal problem. I brought that up with him but he didn't look into it because he said that with normal BP and being a young man, such would be unlikely for me.
I'm pushing forward, scheduled an appt with a therapist, and trying to get in with a sleep specialist. But for now I'm so on edge. I'm worried about losing touch with reality and that I'll go so long without adequate sleep that I will lose my ability to think.
I don't have any suicidal thoughts, and wouldn't call myself as depressed as I am ANXIOUS, but I feel like I'm always dreaming and like everything around me isn't even real.
I MADE myself go out into town the day before yesterday to do stuff in the sun and that felt great for a while but I'm so SO SO tired yet can't sleep when I try.
Everyone says that anxiety is something millions go through but I feel as though no one has it like this. And I'm also aware of how selfish that is of me to say that.
I just want a normal life again. I want to be able to interact with my family and girlfriend normally again. I can't think of anything other than what I'm going through, but I am forcing myself to try.
Has anyone else been through something similar to this and got through it? I need to believe that I will get through this. I pray to God every day that He will just hold my hand. Each day feels like it's a year away.
:(( I want to live life, I want to be back.
And yes, for the record, getting through the night always has me more on edge because of the loneliness. I often THINK I'm getting confused and losing it, so I do math problems, and ask myself questions like "what year is it?" "what's your name?" "Who is President?"
I hate how I always feel like I could lose my sense of self at any minute and must examine my perceptions at every chance, or that I will lose it.
I just want to get through this :((