can't handle the guilt (PLEASE REPLY)

[blaze1dave]

cheating on my girlfriend got me here in the first place. guilt did this to me. i was on the road to recovery and then like a d*ck i got drunk and did something bad, please reply and tell me how bad you think this is.

still seeing ex loads as i love her but we are not in a relationship. but got drunk and said to her friend she can sleep round mine and ill sleep on the sofa as her house is too far away. bit drunk and lay on my bed with her to watch a film, she fell asleep in my arms and hugged me, i started rubbing her back and it went on like that, i really wanted to kiss her but i know i didnt want to go further as i didnt want to hurt my ex. then stupidly i went to touch her 'down there' but it was tricky then i decided i couldnt do it. after that i totally went nuts. all the guilt ive been trying to get rid of came flooding back and i felt guilty because the INTENTION to kiss/touch was there even though i didnt do anything, but i WANTED to even for just a moment. never felt this bad suicidal thoughts coming back. i know it was stupid, but am i over reacting?? how bad are my actions???

PLEASE REPLY!!!!!

[neutoticamber]

Hi! Listen, your actions are human. You didn't do anything sooooo bad that it would warrant living in guilt forever. I can assure you that just about everybody has been attracked to someone else besides their partner. Especially if you are younger.... hormones and all that take over sometimes. It really is natural. I am 30 now, but when I was in my younger 20's I was unfaithful to my bf at the time. Yeah, I felt guilty, but it's all a part of growing up and finding out who we really are. YOu are not a bad person!!

[V for Victor]

Is this ex the girlfriend you had described in your original post called "still being punished"?

Was she completly asleep when you went to touch her and you wanted to kiss her?

What is it that's really making you feel guilty? Can you put it into precise words?

One thing I'm going to suggest is to try and avoid large quantities of alcohol. Getting drunk won't help you solve any of your problems in the long run, and as you can see, it will only add to them.

[blaze1dave]

thanks for your posts!

yes V it is the girl in the 'im being punished' tag, and she wasnt asleep when i wnated to kiss her. i felt so bad because all them emotions that went with the time i cheated on my ex surfaced and i thought i had to go through all this again from the start. this got me in a right mess! i am feeling better now as i know i didnt do anything and even tho i wanted to i didnt. i totally understand about the booze, it certainly doesnt help and gets people in these stupid situations!

thankyou for your replies.