Wierd thoughts?

[CEC]

Lately I've been having alot of really wierd randomn thoughts rather than physical symptoms and its scaring the crap out of me and making me feel that I have more than just anxiety. I always hear that this is quite common in anxious people but could anyone share the type of thoughts they get?

[mellymel]

I have the same thing :( I have scary violent thoughts about my daughter and husband...and I also have thoughts that make no sense. For example, the other day I was walking past my neighbors house and he is a ladies man so to speak and always has different girls at his house. So I thought wow, him and that girl are in there probably having wild pirate animal sex. I get these random thoughts often, I'm not sure why but I am also convinced something more is wrong with me. I have more mental symptoms then I do physical.

[AnxietyInstituteSA]

That sounds like it must be really frightening, but I don't think you're alone. Anxiety can certainly affect the way we think and create more negative, unusaul, and obsessive thoughts. Moreover, thinking we're going crazy can increase our anxiety and make it even less likely we tell others or seek help. Many thoughts that make us feel uncomforatble are normal, but when they cause us marked distress or start to impact our functioning in different areas of our life (work, marriage, parenting, socially, etc.), they need to be addressed by a mental health professional.

anxietyinstitutesa.com

[joshhiboii]

Lately I've been having alot of really wierd randomn thoughts rather than physical symptoms and its scaring the crap out of me and making me feel that I have more than just anxiety. I always hear that this is quite common in anxious people but could anyone share the type of thoughts they get?

Do you have sleeping ?

[joshhiboii]

I have the same thing :( I have scary violent thoughts about my daughter and husband...and I also have thoughts that make no sense. For example, the other day I was walking past my neighbors house and he is a ladies man so to speak and always has different girls at his house. So I thought wow, him and that girl are in there probably having wild pirate animal sex. I get these random thoughts often, I'm not sure why but I am also convinced something more is wrong with me. I have more mental symptoms then I do physical.

Maybe some counciling could do you the world of good just a thought if your in the uk the NHs offer a great course : )

[Saldav]

I have the same thing :( I have scary violent thoughts about my daughter and husband...and I also have thoughts that make no sense. For example, the other day I was walking past my neighbors house and he is a ladies man so to speak and always has different girls at his house. So I thought wow, him and that girl are in there probably having wild pirate animal sex. I get these random thoughts often, I'm not sure why but I am also convinced something more is wrong with me. I have more mental symptoms then I do physical.

Pirate animal sex? LMAO!

[mellymel]

Hahaha yea I dunno...it was so random and made no sense.

[CEC]

Mel - I can definately relate to the scary violent thoughts but from what I've heard that tends to be what some call Harm OCD or HOCD, I looked it up when I was told this and it made sense

AnxietyInstitute - thank you very much, it often does seem that my main fear is that something is wrong and I'm going to go crazy and that may seem where these thoughts come from.

Josh - I actually sleep pretty well at night suprisingly, once in a great while I'll wake up in the middle of the night but thats pretty rare.

[joshhiboii]

Well that goo ause alot of people including myself have these problems but mine effects my sleep aswell : (

[jessed03]

Hi CEC, I replied to one of your earlier threads, I was in a rush and couldn't really write something more in depth....

I consider myself the King of this... Arrogant I know, but the darkness and despair my mind took me to is indescribable to anybody that hasn't experienced this ailment. I went as dark as it is possible to go. Sadly, I'm sure that half the people reading this thread, are nodding along in agreeance at every post written. That really saddens me, Thankfully education and awareness will truly help you and allow you to recover. It isn't so much you guys I feel sorry for, as you all are here, actively seeking such education... I feel awful for the people who are completely unaware of what is happening to them, and are tearing themselves apart over it.

I'll give you a quick brief on how my story progressed, and how it started to ease after time. It begun with just the standard fear... I was in the midst of an anxiety attack & my mum was comforting me... I had a weird idea come through my head "What if I lost control... just for a second and I hurt her?" I kind of freaked out, and went outside away from her. I tried to rationalize it whilst standing in the cold hyperventilating... I tried to convince myself I wouldn't, that I wasn't a violent person, but no matter what kind of logic I came up with, I actually had this thought in my head, and this odd feeling in my body. I couldn't shake it. A few moments later I broke down entirely, and wept... This was not a sane thought or feeling. This was insanity I thought. It had to be... I thought I had some type of schizophrenia, that my mind was melting down and collapsing in front of me.

It progressed so much further over the coming months. I would constantly think of the most F%*ked up things I could imagine. I had thoughts of killing my sister. When my cat sat on my lap, and I stroked her, I imagined driving a knife into her, and cutting her open. These thoughts made me almost pass out with disgust. Again, it progressed... I imagined eating my friends. I imagined lying to the police that my father raped someone. I imagined blurting out disgusting things, and running around naked when in church. I imagined eating broken glass, and razor blades cutting my eyeballs. I imagined aliens bursting out of me. I saw grandparents with their children, and imagined them making out. By this point, I actually was breaking apart. I couldn't talk to people, I couldn't even eat without these thoughts making me sick. I lost weight, I couldn't sleep... I felt I had no sanity. This daily rape of my mind was killing me. I planned on ending my life... Thankfully, due to divine inspiration, or a lucky coincidence, education began...

I was actually told by my therapist that the condition comes from a compassionate, caring, intelligent and creative mind. I think it's true, as there aren't many out there that could worry so profusely about an 0.00001% chance of causing someone pain.

I read in a psychology class, that the mind can imagine every single possibility imaginable. It literally has no boundary, as long as it has the creative inspiration to fuel it. Imagine a purple alien, with 9 legs, line dancing in a giant, hollowed out piece of pink cheese. You can do it, can't you? We all can. We can imagine anything.

There's a great book called Brain Lock. I think the name alone sums up this condition. It's a brain lock. We have a brain lock. Our brains get stuck on a particular thought process.

I think that's why the condition is tough to beat alone, or at least without knowledge of it. Those that don't understand it, seek to find reassurance that they aren't evil or mad, and occasionally they find it. I often managed to convince myself I wasn't evil or crazy. I often managed to distract myself from the thoughts and feel normal, but that was all just a big bluff on my part. One time, I locked every sharp object away, and tossed the key in the river. For a short while, I felt so relieved, 'Thank God I can't possibly do it'. Sadly, a few hours later, I was watching tv, very relaxed and content, and the thought crossed my mind; 'Well, what if I just go and buy another knife?"....

So I hid all the money. Again, some short relief until... 'Well what if I MAKE a weapon'...

As you can see... this can go on indefinetly, until the person can reach such an extreme, whereby so much reassurance has been gained, it's almost impossible to acheive a similar level of it again, and the thoughts are free to create as much nonsense as they want. Once the knives, money, all wood, metal and rope were hidden, and great reassurance was gained...it was soon broken by the thought; ' Well, what if I'm the only person that is real, what if everyone else is just in my mind, and since my mind is broken, I flip out and cause immeasurable pain?'

Perhaps your thought process goes as deeply as that, perhaps it doesn't, but the message, and the therapy is always the same. As you can see, the only place to stop the process is right at the beginning. Few people are able to see this though. They, as did I, go on a long journey to seek reassurance from friends, confidants, forum users, therapists etc, that they aren't crazy, ill, or broken. I remember seeking so much reassurance, that I picked up a knife, held it to my wrist, and asked myself 'Is this actually what you want?'. I was in total control, it wasn't a blackout, but I had gone so deep in the web, I doubted every aspect of physical and mental existance. I was just completely exhausted.

This is where it comes down to it being a 'brain lock'... The only difference between an OCD/Anxiety sufferer, and a so-called 'normal' person, is we stick at the thought, and attach meaning to it. I remember reading a survey once that said 92% of people admitted imagining at some stage what it would be like to jump in front of a train, or off of a tall building. Does it mean 92% of people are suicidal, or crazy? Not at all. The mind is very creative, and very analytical. We stay with thoughts that others can dismiss instantly.

We put so much energy into understanding thoughts, whereas others don't. We give it energy, through attention and involvement, and it keeps going and growing. The difference between the healthy me now, and the sick me back then, is now I have a thought and dismiss it straight away, when in the past, I tried to understand it, and find meaning in it.

Today, I was in the health shop, and I smelt some strawberry shampoo... I imagined drinking it, and within a split second, I laughed, and walked on, to continue with my day. The me of two years ago, would be focusing on why I thought that. "Did I really want to drink it?" "Why is my mind so stupid?" "Why can't I just have normal thought's" I would say.

Over time though, we can learn to be able to take the focus off of them, and allow our mind to file them away.

I truly believe most things in the mind don't need to be understood for them to go. The mind will go on and on and on, playing out it's role, exploring thought patterns. It's part of the human evolution. Everything in your mind is passing. Your mind is always clear. Thoughts of all variety will come into your head, but nothing can stick in your mind if you don't want it to. That is to say, if you don't believe it to be important. Life is changing so much, the mind wasn't designed to stay stuck on certain thought processes, unless we judge them to be necessary to our identity or survival. That is what we are doing with these thoughts. We often believe they have a meaning we need to work out, in order to solve them, or protect ourselves from them.

Stand down as the guard of your mind. Pay less and less attention to it, and you will be much happier and more peaceful. Every single thing will flow through given time. Anxiety is a little girl, who has been told too many times that she is a Princess. Everybody pays attention to what she says, so she becomes more and more believing of it. When nobody listens to what she says, and talks down to her, this power she was given, goes.

For me, in the end, I encouraged them. I went to bed, and they flooded my mind. In the past, I would shout 'LALALA' to block them out, or try to find evidence to disprove them. I begun to have fun with them, treating them like that little girl who thinks she is a princess. I would patronize them. Bizarre thoughts entered my mind, and I would rate them out of 10. I would tease them, and remind myself I've seen horror movies with better story lines, and I needed to try harder.

Anxiety will always drop bait to try and suck you in. It's a great salesman, it knows all your tells. It knows more about you than you do. But always remember, nobody can sell you anything, if you refuse to buy it. Anxiety can't suck you in, if you refuse to bite. It will retaliate, and hit you with every trick it has in it's book, and the moment you believe it, the game begins again... but if you choose not to bite, and get sucked in, to search for answers, or meaning, or buy into the story of you being broken - then it will realize it's beaten, and leave you in peace. Nothing in your mind can survive without your participation. It's oxygen to it.

It may take a few months to change, but given time, it will change. In the end, I would climb into bed, and get that rush of adrenaline... A thought would pop into my head, and I simply allowed to to be there. No judgement, no participation. I allowed it to stay in the background. I just knew I had no plan to get involved at all. It disappeared in about 30 seconds, it was like it couldn't be bothered anymore and I slept soundly. My mind for that whole night felt clear. The brain lock, had become unlocked finally.

If you could see clearly how irrelevant all of this is, you would laugh for hours

The mind is your servant. Don't give the servant so much attention and power. It's illogical :)

All the best

[anxiousmal]

Jessed this post should defo be a sticky. Thank you.

[CEC]

I can't thank you enough for that post Jesse. Even though your case might of been a little more extreme than mine I can definately relate to how you felt and I completely understand why you acted the way you did. These feelings are absolutely horrible but your completely right on everything you've said in that post. Thank you again!

[moonchild1986]

I hate these !!!!

Mine started when I was pregnant. I'd imagine stabbing myself or somthing. This scared me so I wouldn't go near knives. Then when I was in a car I imagined throwing myself out of it. Scariest moment of my life. These carried on when my son was born. I had all these dangerous/violent thoughts towards my son. Couldn't understand why, because naturally I love my son!

I learnt that this is anxiety. :( I still get them now but ive learnt to dismiss them x

[mellymel]

I hate these !!!!

Mine started when I was pregnant. I'd imagine stabbing myself or somthing. This scared me so I wouldn't go near knives. Then when I was in a car I imagined throwing myself out of it. Scariest moment of my life. These carried on when my son was born. I had all these dangerous/violent thoughts towards my son. Couldn't understand why, because naturally I love my son!

I learnt that this is anxiety. :( I still get them now but ive learnt to dismiss them x

I have them about my daughter too :( it is the saddest thing I have gone through and I have been through a lot in my short 27 years. I feel so guilty for having them. im supposed to protect her and instead im the one thinking those things :(I'm so afraid to be alone with her sometimes. How did you get past them?

[alankay]

Well you just have to accept it's anxiety which is a negative idea/thought and that can be the end of it. One never acts on these. I have them at work, "what if I say do this, that, whatever...". Never has happened in my 49 years. I just remind myself "yeah, of course, that's just anxiety trying to shake you up......what next". It's just a scary thought or idea....NOTHING MORE. Alankay.

[moonchild1986]

I plucked up the courage to tell my therapist at the time. Boy was I bloody scared. But apparently it's normal !!! It's because we love our little ones so so much as soon as we get an odd thought we punish ourselves.
I still get them but I ignore them now.
Pm me if you want to talk x

[cabcom]

Now we know where horror movies come from. Its just a figment of our imagination.

[rhar]

This is how my anxiety disorder started with the weird horrible thoughts.

I kept worrying about being alone if I was going mad and would hurt myself or my daughter, my husband everyone. These thoughts scared me so much and they just kept coming in and in and I didn't know how to stop them. I became scared to pick up a knife to make dinner!! Then the more I read and researched I found that it was part of anxiety and that you should worry if these thoughts DON'T upset you. I was so horrified by my thoughts that I couldn't even leave the house, I would curl myself up and ball my eyes out all day!

I was far too ashamed and worried to tell my husband or my mum about them! I convinced myself I was losing my mind, had schizophrenia or on the verge of psychosis.

Those thoughts rarely enter my mind now but if they do I barely take notice of them.

When it first starts happening its so frightening and ppl who haven't been through it have no idea!

Finding this site has helped me a LOT!!! :)

[mellymel]

Now we know where horror movies come from. Its just a figment of our imagination.

I've thought of that, good point.

[mellymel]

This is how my anxiety disorder started with the weird horrible thoughts.

I kept worrying about being alone if I was going mad and would hurt myself or my daughter, my husband everyone. These thoughts scared me so much and they just kept coming in and in and I didn't know how to stop them. I became scared to pick up a knife to make dinner!! Then the more I read and researched I found that it was part of anxiety and that you should worry if these thoughts DON'T upset you. I was so horrified by my thoughts that I couldn't even leave the house, I would curl myself up and ball my eyes out all day!

I was far too ashamed and worried to tell my husband or my mum about them! I convinced myself I was losing my mind, had schizophrenia or on the verge of psychosis.

Those thoughts rarely enter my mind now but if they do I barely take notice of them.

When it first starts happening its so frightening and ppl who haven't been through it have no idea!

Finding this site has helped me a LOT!!! :)

This is exactly how mine started too. Your story sounds just like mine. I have the same fear of being in psychosis or being schizophrenia cause of them. I just went to the doc today and she confirmed for the 4th time that this is anxiety alone. I'm trying to teach myself to dismiss the thoughts too. I'm afraid of the knives, but I'm also afraid of poisoning my husband and daughter. I get nervous when I have to prepare food for them. I'm afraid I will slip something in their food without realizing it. It's very tough to go through.

[Nicolette]

Jessed03, I have the same condition you do. I want to send you a message, but i dont have enough posts yet. When i do it will send it.

Your post makes me want to cry. I was just nodding along the whole time i was reading. I thought i was crazy. i didnt understand it and why it was getting worse.

i am searching through your posts and reading how you progressed through this horrible illness. it fills me with hope because i havent seen somebody ever get better. but i believe now that its possible.

thank you so so much for taking the time and sharing what you have learnt.

[janey]

I relate EVERYTHING to what I'm anxious about, and that's where the thoughts come into play. It could stem from a word, a TV commercial, a song, an intrusive image, a facial expression....I can relate it to what bothers me. So that makes my thoughts really weird and hard to understand. I associate things too much. Sometimes it makes me want to go deaf and blind so that I cannot have so many triggers. Sometimes I want an incurable illness so that I can be distracted and then released from my thoughts.

[NixonRulz]

I relate EVERYTHING to what I'm anxious about, and that's where the thoughts come into play. It could stem from a word, a TV commercial, a song, an intrusive image, a facial expression....I can relate it to what bothers me. So that makes my thoughts really weird and hard to understand. I associate things too much. Sometimes it makes me want to go deaf and blind so that I cannot have so many triggers. Sometimes I want an incurable illness so that I can be distracted and then released from my thoughts.

I want just the opposite for you.

I want you to be able to learn to understand and thrive at not letting it get you frazzled

It's funny how much more I appreciate everything in my life once I stopped letting my symptoms get in the way of living.

If stead of fighting my symptoms, I learned to wait them out before I reacted. Essentially I learned to live with it instead of always trying to keep it away. I would sit there and wait the symptoms out.

It got to a point that I would go places and look at certain things to make me anxious.

Not to see if I could go there and not panic. But to go there and welcome it just so I could leave AFTER the panic left

It hardly bothers me at all anymore. You will get there so much sooner than you think

Accept you as you are. Nothing your feeling was in any way your fault or preventable.

You are wired as a genius. This is just one of the things we have to deal with as genius'!

Things are working in your favor.

[NixonRulz]

This is how my anxiety disorder started with the weird horrible thoughts.

I kept worrying about being alone if I was going mad and would hurt myself or my daughter, my husband everyone. These thoughts scared me so much and they just kept coming in and in and I didn't know how to stop them. I became scared to pick up a knife to make dinner!! Then the more I read and researched I found that it was part of anxiety and that you should worry if these thoughts DON'T upset you. I was so horrified by my thoughts that I couldn't even leave the house, I would curl myself up and ball my eyes out all day!

I was far too ashamed and worried to tell my husband or my mum about them! I convinced myself I was losing my mind, had schizophrenia or on the verge of psychosis.

Those thoughts rarely enter my mind now but if they do I barely take notice of them.

When it first starts happening its so frightening and ppl who haven't been through it have no idea!

Finding this site has helped me a LOT!!! :)


Just a little secret about feeling like your are going to go all psychosis on us.....

People with anxiety are actually further away than most when it comes to mental illness.

Why you ask?

Because who, more than people like us are so aware of the reality going on inside of us.

Pro en fact that anxious people are so aware of what they feel inside, it is almost impossible to lose their ensemble of reality

Remember that anxiety is a disorder, not a illness such as your examples above.

You, like everyone here, will be just fine.

[jessed03]

I want just the opposite for you.

I want you to be able to learn to understand and thrive at not letting it get you frazzled

It's funny how much more I appreciate everything in my life once I stopped letting my symptoms get in the way of living.

If stead of fighting my symptoms, I learned to wait them out before I reacted. Essentially I learned to live with it instead of always trying to keep it away. I would sit there and wait the symptoms out.

It got to a point that I would go places and look at certain things to make me anxious.

Not to see if I could go there and not panic. But to go there and welcome it just so I could leave AFTER the panic left

It hardly bothers me at all anymore. You will get there so much sooner than you think

Accept you as you are. Nothing your feeling was in any way your fault or preventable.

You are wired as a genius. This is just one of the things we have to deal with as genius'!

Things are working in your favor.

This is a really serene post. I enjoy hearing from people that understand the nature of the mind, and how the paradox of welcoming conflict non-judgmentally, can lead to peace. It's very Zen. You can tell you're reaching a state of inner peace, when all sensations and feelings become equalized inside of you. It's a natural human action I suppose, to want to box and label everything, and get more of what we deem as good, and less of what we deem as bad. When we become completely accepting of the bad, and even more scarily... welcoming of the bad, realizing it is just as equal a chemical process as all the rest, it's a sure path to maturity. I think the truth is, once you have welcomed everything, and become so accepting and loving of everything, despite it's effect, once you trulyunderstand what is happening, and what the mind really is, then you really transcend the mind. You go beyond it, and what we've mentioned in this thread, becomes below you. Often, as you have clearly discovered yourself, once you go above thinking, you move into the realm of experiencing, and it's beautiful, to just be with something, without the judgement in your mind that has been happening your whole life.

I look forward to reading some more of your posting. I have always been partial to the zen way of life.

[janey]

Thank you Nixon and also Jesse. I'm sorry I haven't been replying or anything, Jesse. I've been in an attack and one of my dogs got sick today and I'm freaking myself out about it. The thing that scares me the most is if I don't get so upset about my thoughts, that means they are true and they are so awfully horrible to me that if I knew they were true, I'd commit suicide. When I start thinking they're real, I get very suicidal and out-of-sorts. I almost feel comforted by being upset because it's like my evidence that I don't like my thoughts. Please, please don't say anything about me actually liking them or anything like that. I don't want to and I don't like them. I don't even want to talk about them. I feel like if I don't combat them, they might be true. I've been having dreams about it and it's freaking me out, even though I know dreams don't predict the future. It's just they're very vivid and so real-like that I wake up anxious.

If I ever figured out they were true, I would kill myself without caring about the consequences. I already have a plan that ensures a painless death. My being upset about them gives me hope they're not true. I need that hope. I'm scared to not be scared, because that means I like my thoughts to me. I know it's wrong to think that way, I just can't help it.

I look for any signs that I like them, and if I find even one little sign that MIGHT, only MIGHT mean I like them...I panic and cry and tear my hair out. It's ridiculous. Or if I try to explain it to my mom, she says well maybe they are true then since you think about them so much...that makes me go INSANE. She gives me no support and makes me more anxious.
I am becoming less and less bothered by my thoughts as time goes on, but it's happening in really small increments and sometimes then I have a little panic-attack relapse.
My states of being normal are becoming more normal, too. There have been 2 days where I barely thought about what makes me anxious. To me, that shows I can be better. Right?
It was 2 days out of 8 months...but for the WHOLE day I barely thought about it. I don't know what makes me more sensitive from one day to the next. Maybe my diet? I have no clue.

Thanks again, Nixon. And Jesse is so wonderful and clever. I'll reply to you soon.

[jessed03]

You have the answers to your condition in this post alone Janey :)


The thing that scares me the most is if I don't get so upset about my thoughts, that means they are true and they are so awfully horrible to me that if I knew they were true, I'd commit suicide.

This one reason, is the reason they stick around. In the previous post, I wrote that your mind isn't designed to stick on one thing, it's just against it's evolutionary teaching - unless - it's deemed necessary to your identity, or your survival. A hungry person will more or less stick on the idea of food until they eat or die. It's necessary to survival. A person won't keep thinking about what colour to paint their bathroom - the thought isn't important enough to be kept at the forefront of the mind.

The one thing it's essential for every single sufferer, regardless of their worry, to do, is remove the meaning behind the thought, to loosen it, in whatever way they choose. What does it mean to you? Does it mean you're bad? Does it mean you're sick, or evil, or dangerous, or disgusting, or immoral? Does it mean you're a failure? Behind every OCD type intrusion is what the intrusion means to you, and this is the root that needs to be removed.


If I ever figured out they were true, I would kill myself without caring about the consequences.

OCD is a very controlling illness. It's heavily located in a persons ego. When they live a life, or something happens to them that makes them feel upset, or powerless, little by little, the mind creates games that it knows it can win. It manipulates it's own thinking, and it's own perception, to make it appear, that the compulsion is influencing life. This reinforces the power of the compulsion over time. People perform all manner of mental and physical rituals, that we know, make no difference whatsoever to the worlds outcomes. But, they manage to trick themselves, just a tiny bit, into thinking that what they are doing is giving them back a form of control.


I look for any signs that I like them, and if I find even one little sign that MIGHT, only MIGHT mean I like them...

The thoughts themselves aren't the problem, the truth is, theres a good chance, that as you go through life, you may drop what bothers you now, and pick up something new, a new fear. The reaction to these thoughts is what is causing the problem. Unless the reaction changes, the problem will cycle along. This is how what you feel fits into the OCD spectrum. OCD is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - The thoughts are the obsession - The reaction, the 'checking' is the compulsion. Many people are obsessive in life, but it's the compulsion that gives you the problem.

My cousin is terrified of germs, she believes they'll kill her. She washes hundreds of times a day. Her belief, is obviously she is in danger from germs. That's her obsession. Her compulsion is to wash them away. With help from her therapist for one hour she wasn't to wash her hands. For that hour, she shook, she threw up, she cried a lot, but she of course got through it. For us, our compulsion is to find evidence against our fear. It's our protective action. It's our version of washing our hands. Everytime you find evidence, or try to block out these thoughts, you are completing the compulsion. Everytime you do, it gets a little bit stronger. Eventually, in your way, in your own time, you need to little by little, reduce the amount of compulsions. This is a hard process. Perhaps it will be the hardest thing you will ever do, but there are people who will help you with it.


I am becoming less and less bothered by my thoughts as time goes on, but it's happening in really small increments and sometimes then I have a little panic-attack relapse.

This is really great Janey. When I write on here, I have to fit in a short space. Although it looks like I done this really quickly, most of it happened over the course of a year. Steps forward and back. Don't go too far at once, if you don't want to. Just push yourself little by little.


I need that hope. I'm scared to not be scared

You need hope, but you don't need comfort. It's one of those things, if you're able to do this once or twice, it will get really easy. Just build up to a point where you can look them in the eyes, for a few moments, without doing anything. That's it. Nothing big, nothing groundbreaking. Just look at them.

An exercise which will help you immensely, is sort of from Yoga and meditation combined. Lie in the corpse pose, with your eyes shut, and for however long you want. Set a time... 1 minute, 5 minutes, 10 minutes... whatever you're comfortable with, imagine your mind is just a screen. Janey is gone, she is in the back, just watching. There is no girl with a personality here... Just a screen, just awareness. Then, let what comes come. And do nothing at all. It may be good, it may be bad, it may be nothing. Just feel every little thing in your body as it comes. Don't say anything to it. Your mind may go wild, it's ok, but you're only watching this. This is just being played out on a screen. You aren't in any danger, you are in a passive state. Nobody ever done something regrettable or evil during a meditation. This isn't for long. Once that short time is up, you can open up your eyes, and continue life as you want. Build up your time very slowly. If it's too much, take the time down by a little bit, to a point where you can manage without a huge freak out. This will slowly begin a process of desensitization. But it will do it in a passive inactive state. The fearful part of these thoughts, is we often have them in a buzzed up, active state, and it makes us so much more receptive to them.

It will also increase your disassociation towards them. Right now they are at the very core of you who are. You are looking at the picture so close up, you can't see logically. It's so in your face you can't process it the way you would like to. It's all blurry and confusing. So step back from them. Then step back a little more, and a little more and then a little more - until you're a long way away from them. They feel different from there. They look different too. When you feel slightly removed from them, they aren't so intimate. Often when you get in this state of being, the mind has it's epiphany. It looks and thinks "This isn't right!" and realizes it's mistake. It takes the label of importance of, due to it's own realization, rather than you forcing it to. I remember getting to this place, and thinking "Hm... what I've been doing is a little bit silly, I'm going to drop this a bit now"


Maybe my diet? I have no clue.

I havent had an intrusion in years, but if I eat eggs, I will be sitting with you, stealing your Xanax because they are so bad. Food and diet can influence this problem in huge ways. High or low blood sugar can too.

You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. Remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind. Do it at your pace Janey. Little by little a person goes really far :)

[Nicolette]

realizing it is just as equal a chemical process as all the rest, it's a sure path to maturity. I think the truth is, once you have welcomed everything, and become so accepting and loving of everything, despite it's effect, once you trulyunderstand what is happening, and what the mind really is, then you really transcend the mind.

are you around today? i am having horrible thoughts. i keep questioning whether i love my bf or not. i know i do. but i am doubting it. this morning i forgot to kiss him goodbye. i am wondering if i meant it and really i have stopped loving him. i feel so bad and really guilty. please help :(

[jessed03]

lol - Nicolette, you don't have to personal message me everytime you reply to me. I get an email notifying me!

I'm on my mobile, if you feel bad email me, and I'll reply to you, ok.

[nessiesnow]

This is how my anxiety disorder started with the weird horrible thoughts.

I kept worrying about being alone if I was going mad and would hurt myself or my daughter, my husband everyone. These thoughts scared me so much and they just kept coming in and in and I didn't know how to stop them. I became scared to pick up a knife to make dinner!! Then the more I read and researched I found that it was part of anxiety and that you should worry if these thoughts DON'T upset you. I was so horrified by my thoughts that I couldn't even leave the house, I would curl myself up and ball my eyes out all day!

I was far too ashamed and worried to tell my husband or my mum about them! I convinced myself I was losing my mind, had schizophrenia or on the verge of psychosis.

Those thoughts rarely enter my mind now but if they do I barely take notice of them.

When it first starts happening its so frightening and ppl who haven't been through it have no idea!

Finding this site has helped me a LOT!!! :)

I know exactly what you meAn, I have these thoughts now and for about a month now, I'm on meds and therapy but still they invade me. I am trying to learn to control these but it's so hard. I do feel better that I'm not the only one but hate it for all of us. Thanks just reading is helping.

[nessiesnow]

I have them about my daughter too :( it is the saddest thing I have gone through and I have been through a lot in my short 27 years. I feel so guilty for having them. im supposed to protect her and instead im the one thinking those things :(I'm so afraid to be alone with her sometimes. How did you get past them?

I have had them about my daughter too, u are not alone. I would never do anything ethier but they are so scary. I'm still trying to learn techniques and ways to release this. Not only do I have these thought I feel extremely guilty for having them.