I feel I dont fit in anywhere.

[R8DRN8SHN]

OK. I just wanna let you guys know how I feel and if you guys can help me in any way.

OK first of all, Im a 16 year old male from California and let me tell you something. MY LIFE SUCKS. Its boring, lonely, no friends, and no family. Well actually the family is there but its really not there. There at the house but there not there for me. Its just not the "normal" family.

Right now, I do not currently speak to my brother, my father, and my sister is always being a bitch. It hurts me in the inside because Im so miserable and I have no one to talk to. I just have my mother who I trust and tell her everything. But sometimes I feel hurt and I don't feel like talking to anyone. Basically I don't talk to my father ever since he found drugs in my room while I was hanging out with a so call "friend". Also I don't talk to my brother because he says he never wants me smoking in his room and he thinks I'm annoying (even though hes also both annoying and a tweaker.)

Its especially hard for me because I've never had a G/F :oops: and I havent even talked to girls. When I do, they are just annoying. Also this year in my opinion socially, was going great at school until I was having problems with people (you know those people that think they're cool but like to start shit). So everybody started talking about how a pussy I was because I don't defend myself. But you know what ? They are just fake people who are there to just watch a fucken fight. Im not into the drama. That stuff irritates me and I don't get good sleep when people bother me. Then they say that Im "GAY" because I never talk about girls. Whats there to talk about when your not talking to them ? Should I be like those perverts talking about how they fucked Maria or Jessica last night ? Should I be talking about the guy that I fucked up the other day because he was wearing a red hat ? Its hard being who I am. Being Mexican when your not into gangs. I simply just outgrew them. Im not into that no more. Thats childplay. I remember being like this in Junior High. I don't want to go back to my old ways ecause I look back and Im not happy about myself. Also every hispanic at school thinks Im a "Bitch" and that it irritates them when I don't speak Spanish. They call me a "gringo" and lame shit like that. I feel like the only people that I could get along with are people that speak english. I don't know. I feel weird. It would feel weirder speaking to people not of your race. It would be like a black guy playing golf ! HOW MANY BLACK GUYS PLAY GOLF ?

[fcDrifter127]

Yea bro, youre not alone. My situation is different from yours, but we experience the same lonliness. Ive been in homeschool since 9th grade cuz my mom was afraid of the gangs.. Im in Cali too I guess gangs are everywhere here. I lost my friends and developed social anxiety. I dont have anyone anymore, I mean my family is there, but there is a boundary because of the social phobia. Its 5 years later and Ive been pretty miserable. But hang in there bro, maybe a change in your surroundings will help. New school, new people, less BS. Im startin college and joinin the marines soon, cant wait to get away from here. Just need a break you know? Dont give in to people at your school. Just be you.

Oh.. Im black and I dont mind playing golf, wut u tryna say? ;)

[Fear]

Oh man,I'm sorry you feel this way.I saw you wrote many threads in here,go check,I think I answered to everyone of them.
Ok,first,people at school are always assholes,I speak for experience,just like everyone.I'm 21 years old and my life is a continue fight against the idea that I'm weak.Your father is just pissed off for what every parent would be,your brother is just being a brother and your sister too.Start being clear with her!I think she has to respect you damn!I mean just tell her what you think,your bro too.Why should you let them hurt you deep inside and not tell them what the fuck they are all about?!
I mean,you always need to respect yourself to try to get out of shit.
MAybe people at school have fun saying shit about girls just coz they know you won't say a word,but maybe they are lying.Everyone wants to look strong and they take advantage of the situation calling you GAY.I always think that if someone is going to dare to call me Lesbian (I'm A girl) I'm going to answer:"Are you afraid I'm gonna touch your ass,or kiss you with the tongue?!"I know I'm very vulgar and I'm sorry for that,but it helps to give other people the idea of how much pissed you can be for the stupidity of their saying.
See it like a test,even if it is hating,life puts you through to become a man.When your eating with your family,just leave them speechless saying things like they are,it is useless to pretend nothing is happening.
I'm not saying you have to curse all the time.You got what I mean with speaking clear?!
And the thing about being mexican and the only one that's not in a gang and not speaking Spanish.It is normal you feel better with people who speaks English,maybe you know more about CAlifornia than Mexico.
Remember that being alone takes more guts than staying in a group of people.If those at school are always together,glued, and not by themselves,that means they need to have an "audience" to feel strong,coz alone they would be shits.INstead you face yourself every single day and moreyou face others ALL ALONE!!
I didn't understand:you hate not speaking Spanish or others points you out because you don't?

[Robbed]

I think that a BIG problem here is that you consider school to be our only social outlet. And yes, school is socially a brutal place. Even for those people who seem quite socially adept. I think that one thing that could REALLY help you would be to find a better social outlet. And when doing this, try to keep things small. Large groups can often bring out the worst in otherwise OKAY people. Of course, the trick is trying to find such a place. Extracurricular activities at school may or may not be such a good choice. And church youth groups can be even more brutal than school. One thing you might consider is a part-time job. Generally, most people feel the need to at least try to get along with their coworkers (MUCH more so than people at school), since they are people that they must spend ALOT of time with. So for this reason, you might do better. And, of course, you will make money.

Here's something else to think about. You say that you feel like those people who you might get along with best are not of your race. If this is indeed the case, then go with it! If you think that this is something that you cannot do, then you are really only hurting yourself. I myself am white. But I have two REALLY good friends who are hispanic. And if you were to look at all the white folks in California, you would find that 99.999999% of them have friends who are nonwhite. The same goes for people of all other races as well. This may not be the case much in a racially polarized school such as yours. But in a more diverse environment, it is DEFINITELY the case. Regardless, don't let this hold you back. If you start to think that you are like an African American person playing golf, then think Tiger Woods.