I need to be honest

[trinidiva]

Deleted this post

[anxietygirl143]

After yet another morning of berating comments from my husband, I think I just need to rant a bit. Please bear with me. I could never do this in person or tell people who actually know either one of us.
My husband is abusive. Verbally and Physically. The physical part doesn't happen frequently, about 2-3 times a year, but when it does, it usually results in me having bruises on my arms legs, neck and one time I had a knot on my head because he kicked me in the midst of a fight. He always hits or throws something at me first, but I do fight back, I don't stand and take it. I think the worst incident involved him breaking his ARM in the midst of hitting me. He hit my elbow and broke a bone in his Arm. I lied to my family and friends and covered it up. He gets mad and will throw and break the kids toys and never replace them. He will take everything off the top of our dressers and with one arm, sweep everything onto the floor and tell me to pick it up. Now I leave it right there, and whatever he doesn't pick up, I put into a trash bag ( whatever belongs to him) and toss it. He has cheated on me and sent the other woman in another country money. We were getting along fine at that point....when I found out, he said it was my fault that it happened. I still tried for the sake of our kids, to try to put on a brave face and work it out. When we get into a disagreement and I day something he doesn't agree with, he will say shut the f**k up or get out of my face.
It's crazy, all of our friends think we have such a great relationship...but we are so far from that, its not even funny.
I have told him he needs anger management, but he just puts it off and won't go. I don't really know what I'm looking for from you guys, I just really need a friend right now. Honestly this is probably the cause of my anxiety...there is so much more mostly everyday stuff that I just don't have time to get into.

1st if all arguing causes stress n anxiety try ur best & let him go if he does all this to you it's no good for ur health .. He's not worth u dying over for ur kids need u .. There's plenty men out there that will treat u better hun trust me let him n go n u will see progressive in ur anxiety :)

[trinidiva]

Thank you. I almost erased this post as soon as I put it up, but I need to stop hiding everything. I am going to give him a date to find and get into a class, if not, I am making some serious changes. I think I need to stop being so scared of change (that triggers my anxiety) and step out on a limb. I know you are right, I'm sure I could leave and do better by myself or with someone else. I should know better with how this goes...I've seen other family members deal with similar circumstances before.

[manz82]

And you are wondering why you're suffering from anxiety and panic?!
Most of us on here have had terrible things happen to us and the biggest thing we can learn from one another is CHANGE!
Now, here's where I might het some controversy to this reply, but here goes...
I see anxiety like this - my body and mind have been battered by all sorts of hard life circumstances (my husband had an affair when I was seven months pregnant with our second son) so I kicked him out and saw the end of my pregnancy alone. I then had a big car accident with both my children and I was badly injured, so naturally, my anxieties stem from a fear of being abandoned or lied to and driving. Makes sense, right?
What I can't understand is why you would want to keep this piece of shit in your life?
He is making you ill! Does he even do anything for you that makes you think it's worth all this?
It's like cancer- if you're diagnosed with it, you cut it out, right? Well that's what he is!
I'm not saying cut him out full stop but give him an ultimatum - either he goes and gets help or you leave. Simple. I know it won't be as easy to do as to say, bur believe me, you and your babies are worth more than this. They will feel it too, you know. CHANGE! Xxxx

[Saldav]

And you are wondering why you're suffering from anxiety and panic?!
Most of us on here have had terrible things happen to us and the biggest thing we can learn from one another is CHANGE!
Now, here's where I might het some controversy to this reply, but here goes...
I see anxiety like this - my body and mind have been battered by all sorts of hard life circumstances (my husband had an affair when I was seven months pregnant with our second son) so I kicked him out and saw the end of my pregnancy alone. I then had a big car accident with both my children and I was badly injured, so naturally, my anxieties stem from a fear of being abandoned or lied to and driving. Makes sense, right?
What I can't understand is why you would want to keep this piece of shit in your life?
He is making you ill! Does he even do anything for you that makes you think it's worth all this?
It's like cancer- if you're diagnosed with it, you cut it out, right? Well that's what he is!
I'm not saying cut him out full stop but give him an ultimatum - either he goes and gets help or you leave. Simple. I know it won't be as easy to do as to say, bur believe me, you and your babies are worth more than this. They will feel it too, you know. CHANGE! Xxxx

I agree ^^^^

[trinidiva]

And you are wondering why you're suffering from anxiety and panic?!
Most of us on here have had terrible things happen to us and the biggest thing we can learn from one another is CHANGE!
Now, here's where I might het some controversy to this reply, but here goes...
I see anxiety like this - my body and mind have been battered by all sorts of hard life circumstances (my husband had an affair when I was seven months pregnant with our second son) so I kicked him out and saw the end of my pregnancy alone. I then had a big car accident with both my children and I was badly injured, so naturally, my anxieties stem from a fear of being abandoned or lied to and driving. Makes sense, right?
What I can't understand is why you would want to keep this piece of shit in your life?
He is making you ill! Does he even do anything for you that makes you think it's worth all this?
It's like cancer- if you're diagnosed with it, you cut it out, right? Well that's what he is!
I'm not saying cut him out full stop but give him an ultimatum - either he goes and gets help or you leave. Simple. I know it won't be as easy to do as to say, bur believe me, you and your babies are worth more than this. They will feel it too, you know. CHANGE! Xxxx

You are right, I can't dispute anything you are saying. I sat him down and had a serious talk with him just a short time ago. I've never actually done that. I told him that I'm serious about him getting help, he has two weeks to find a place and make an appointment, if not, he has to leave. I told him that I won't be tolerating the name calling and anything else physical, if it happens, he has to leave. He agreed and said ok...with no extra added sarcasm, so we will see. I see this will be a year of change. Im not hiding or feeling ashamed anymore.

[angieproc1977]

Wow poor you no wonder you feel anxious but good for you for fighting ba k he has to know he can't get away with it... The next thing is what are yOU going to do about it t you just gonna keep putting up with it or are you gonna get out ??? I do t mean this I. A bad way but you can't keep putting up with this x xx

[laurandisorder]

Thanks for sharing Trini,

I do understand how you feel - my partner has never been physically or verbally abusive towards me, but he used to be incredibly neglectful. He has depression and just forgets that I exist and have anxiety issues. He was unemployed and happy to watch me go to work very day fighting the anxiety and supporting us both. I understand why you have this anxiety and also why it is hard to change.

I left my partner for 2 months: November to January and it was the hardest thing I have ever done BECAUSE of my anxiety. In spite of being a massive tool most of the time, I spent 9 years of my life with this guy and he has been the one to support me through anxiety and panic episodes. Parting with him also meant that I lost a lot of friends associated with our life as a couple. I also discovered that a lot of people I considered friends of my own weren't as 'into me' as I thought. It was a hard time.

My partner and I stayed in touch. In fact we got on a lot better not being together and not living together. This might sound stupid, but I missed my dog soooooo much that I ended up visiting them a lot. In that two months he got a car, applied for a bunch of jobs and started to show me that he really wanted to be with me again.

So when my folks told me I had to choose between moving out of their place and into a flat or moving back to the house, I chose to give it one more chance with him. He has treated me so differently. He is also now enrolled in community college and is studying child care - a surprise to me, but years of working retail had really beaten him down and he wants to work with kids.

Now all of this being said, your partner should never lay a hand on you in anger and I know how easily it can go both ways - I was the verbally abusive one in our relationship - I'd beat him down with words and make him feel worthless which fed his depression and forced him to withdraw more. Leaving was the only way to break the cycle. I really hope that counseling for him will help you. I'd suggest couples counseling too because the issue lies with both of you and how you relate with each other.

Good luck. And thanks for sharing!!

[trinidiva]

Lauren, thanks for sharing your story. I just got to a point where I felt that if I didn't talk about it, I would burst.
I'm so glad that everything is working out well for you. I'm hoping that he does follow through, because I really am fed up. I'm not even angry anymore, just more tired of dealing with the same situation over and over.

[manz82]

Let us know how you get on. And if the therapy fails and he hits you again, start training in something like kick boxing and beat the shit right out of him! (Obviously I'm joking, but I soooo would!) xxx hugs))))

[trinidiva]

It's so funny, I take a similar type of class already!!!

[Wisconsin]

No one is suggesting the most obvious thing:

-Call the police
-Divorce him

[Saldav]

You are right, I can't dispute anything you are saying. I sat him down and had a serious talk with him just a short time ago. I've never actually done that. I told him that I'm serious about him getting help, he has two weeks to find a place and make an appointment, if not, he has to leave. I told him that I won't be tolerating the name calling and anything else physical, if it happens, he has to leave. He agreed and said ok...with no extra added sarcasm, so we will see. I see this will be a year of change. Im not hiding or feeling ashamed anymore.

You go girl!!!!

[trinidiva]

You go girl!!!!

Yes, thank you. I felt very good doing that...