fed up with all of this.... caution slight vulgarity

[FallenAnx]

guys im gona vent on here i hope you dont mind....
Life has been a little stressful atm for me Im a college student at a local community college and ive been dreaming/wanting to get the hell out of my hometown for as long as i can remember. And then I develop this FUCKING anxiety disorder. I figure hey ill get through this no problem its just one of lifes steping stones. BULLLSHHHIIT Ive been to doctors to check out if anything is wrong with my heart, head, whatever... Always get "everything is fine your completely healthy just keep taking your pills to help when your anxious" ( guess what they don't do shit) For example explain how I can be having a great dream to be woken up to my heart racing, my limbs tingling, oh shit another panic attack. AT SIX IN THE MORNING FOR NO REASON. I have tried acupuncture, meds(not antidepressants), hypnosis, therapy (which im beginning to think is complete and utter bullshit), even spiritual healing. NOTHING HAS HELPED. If your all wondering why Im finally so pissed off its because I got into the school that I applied to and Im nervous as all hell to move out of state completely on my own with this DISORDER I have. Here If I have a panic attack or anything I have someone close by that I can always confide in when I move how am I going to handle it, or cope with it when Ill be 1000miles away from home. The worst thing is my panic attacks DO NOT happen during the day theyre almost always a nightly occasion( Im actually getting to the point where i cant sleep more then 4hrs without being woken up to my heart racing) .... back on topic. Im scared shitless of moving away and not being able to handle this on my own. Because when I move I will be alone no friends no family WHOLE new environment.

And the extremely shitty thing about all this, is I can look back almost exactly a year ago and none of this was a problem I was looking forward to starting over someplace new where I didnt no anyone. Now Im scared of this, MOVING IS A HUGE LIFE DECISION RIGHT NOW.... and I cant even make the choice anymore cause of this because I keep thinking Im going to completely fall apart when Im alone.

SO no I have to say FUCK anxiety fuck dealing with this I just want my life to be back how it was a year ago before I had this.

there my rants done sorry about being vulgar but im falling apart.
anything you guys wanna comment please do

~bryant

[V for Victor]

Wow, I'm in a very similar situation, getting ready to go to college, wanting to get out of my little nowhere town, and dealing with anxiety and depression.

Fortunately, I was prescribed medication for my anxiety/depression about a year ago, and it has really helped. I can't say I'm not still nervous about somethings, or that it doesn't make a reappearance now and again.

If your anxiety is really bothering you this badly, I'd suggest seeing the doc about getting some anti-anxiety pills. They could be really useful right now.

[FallenAnx]

like i said man pills dont help i dunno what to do :oops:

[V for Victor]

Your original post said that you were taking pills, but not antidepressants. There are numerous kinds of different medications out there.

Anti-anxiety pills often help combat depression, but there are many different types. Sometimes people have to try several different kinds until they get the right one.

What medication were you on before?

[FallenAnx]

klonopin and ativan

[Sverige]

Several years ago before I started college, I was doing fine. I could drive everywhere, go practically any place, and do anything. I even went to Sweden as an exchange student by myself when I was 17 (traveling from Seattle to Sweden took me practically a day with all of the layovers).

Then, after I was diagnosed with mono during my first quarter of college, everything went downhill. I couldn't even stay in class the whole time without panicking. After a couple of years, I decided to take a break from full time school. During these couple of years, I would get panic attacks pretty bad. I took classes here and there at a community college, which was much smaller than the 20,000+ undergraduates at the other school I attended.

I eventually developed agoraphobia, which is where I am at now. The doctor prescribed medicine for me once, which I took for a couple of days before I decided that it made me feel worse & I refused to take anything anymore.

During this time, I figured out what I wanted to do. Now, I'm back in school full time and have 1 year left before I earn my BS Degree. I think going to a smaller school has helped me. Even though it costs a lot more, my classes usually have about 5-15 people in them, which is much better than 300.

I can somewhat function, but nowhere near where I was 5 years ago. I usually need my "safe" person around me to get anything like going out, driving, or shopping done. I would really like to get rid of any anxiety & agoraphobia that I have, so that I can live a "normal" life again. If it weren't for my anxiety, we would probably move to a cheaper city in another state or country, where buying a house is achievable. Because of my anxiety, I want this safety net around me.

I haven't been to therapy for this, but I may consider it one day. I really haven't tried much for this, except hypnotherapy and dealing with it. But knowing where I was at one point and seeing where I am at today is so frustrating. I can always wish there was a magic wand that would make me anxiety, agoraphobia, and panic free.

I haven't had a full blown panic attack in a year or two now, but I have also been avoiding many things that would probably cause me to panic. There are many occasions when I just sit and fight the anxiety or I try to accept it and say nothing is going to happen.

By the way, I also use to get panic attacks in the middle of the night to such an extent that it felt like I didn't sleep at all. Everything was freaking me out, and I would just stay up and have to drink water or distract myself. That was the worst time for me, and I hope that doesn't happen when my husband (my safe person) goes out of town. I really felt out of it all of the time, and it felt like no one could understand what i was going through.

Until then, I have a little over a week until I'll go on another trip to Sweden, which I need to prepare myself for & try not to develop too much anxiety. :) Good luck.

[FallenAnx]

Thanks guys, I am moving forward. Im not letting this keep me down, I sent my declaration to the school today and I am definitly going to go, I realize I should probly take some time alone becuase there wont always be someone there for me. I just realize this is something I have to learn to deal with and thats what Im going to do, I cant let it bring me down.... Granted Much easier said then done.

[Courage101]

Wow, can I ever relate. I grew up in a pretty rough part of the world, and I have to say that getting away is something I wanted so badly I ended up in South Korea! My anxiety problems went through the roof there, though, because it was totally overwhelming to be immersed in a completely different culture. Leaving home and going far away seems like a double-edged sword.

That's just it though: most of the things that have given me anxiety, especially the panic attacks, had a lot to do with seeing both edges of the sword. Going away was great because I could get away from the negative envirnoment in which I was living, but getting there meant having to adapt rapidly in ways that were overwhelming. The paradox caused me even more anxiety (and a lot of frustration).

Think about when you were a little kid. You managed to come out of the womb and survive. That's probably one of the largest transitions you can possibly make. Then you learned to walk. You didn't sit there going, "what if I can't do it?" Negative thoughts about your chances of success just didn't enter into your mind. You just kept trying until you got it. And when you really stop and think about it in that context, most of your life has actually been a success story! It pays to remember that sometimes.

There is a lot of "what if" thinking in your comments, Bryant. What if I get to college and it sucks? What will people think of me if I don't go? What if the medication I'm taking is useless? What if my panic attcks get worse? What if the doctors prescribed the wrong medication? ...And so on.

The source of those perceptions is negative thinking. It's really hard to see that at first, especially when some medications have side effects that get in the way of recognizing the nature of your own thoughts. And it probably seems very practical and normal, even intelligent, to think cynically or negatively about these things.

Your panic attacks happen at night. You're probably alone when you have them. I bet you're a bit of a perfectionist and that you can be pretty hard on yourself. Am I right?

Aside from the anger that you are obviously aware of, how many of your thoughts make you feel good, calm, or relaxed? The harder you think about the negatives, the more intense the anxiety. The more you think about other stuff that makes you feel good, the less the anxiety.

Dude, I couldn't help but reply because I so see myself in your shoes.

The key is to keep searching until you find help from someone who doesn't look for a pharmaceutical solution out of the gate. Cognitive therapists have been the most successful at dealing with this kind of thing, while psychiatrists have mostly just succeeded in getting repeat business. If you're like me, you would prefer to be cured than to be on medication for the rest of your life.

Perhaps your new school has a counselling service? Give them a call and ask if they have someone on staff who will use cognitive therapies to help you. If your school is large enough, the odds are pretty good they'll have someone who has dealt with this problem before. Believe it or not, it's very common amongst undergraduate students all over the world. That way, when you get there, you'll have already made progress and you'll have a support structure in place to help you to keep succeeding.

I wish you all the best.