Finally ive gathered the courage to look for help

[unsteady81]

I dont know where to start, I have been suffering from increasing anxiety attacks for a few years now. I have three kids I love and a husband I love but he doesnt understand what im going through. I have a tendacy to overstress about simple things, just checking the balance of my bank account can have me sweating, nauseas, heart pounding, body shaking...money or no money this is an everyday reaction. I dont like groups, they overwhelm me and after a gathering i feel completely drained. Im leaning towards some counseling right now but thought I would start with a forum until I found a counselor I could afford and be comfortable with. I need somewhere to vent my fears and my frustrations my husband doesnt understand how these anxiety and panic attacks effect me, there are days when I am literally sick to my stomache from these attacks. Reading helps take my mind off the issues causing the attacks, crocheting helps too but at the same time I get anxous about how whatever im making turns out (is the dishcloth im crocheting going to be square like the pic? did I use the right colors? should I have picked a prettier stitch to use? and so on) so sometimes this one doesnt work so well for me, writing/typing about whats going on helps some too though them im worried about who will see it (my fam isnt big on privacy and I worry about them judging me because I feel flawed, there is something wrong with me since I struggle so hard to be "normal" to them). I dont have any close friends, my mother is the only family I talk to anymore on a regular basis. I have tried a few times to set up playdates for my little kids (5 & 3 yrs old) outside of scheduled preschool days, the anxiety attacks I had from simply thinking about setting one of these up were intense and hard to get over. What it comes down to for me is that I dont feel like im in control of my life anymore I feel like Anxiety and Panic has taken over and im struggling for air, its consuming my relationship with my husband and my children. I need to get a hold on this, I need to learn how to manage my anxiety so it doesnt rule my life like it is now. I hope having somewhere to talk about it will help some.

[jamus75]

I've had it for about 12 years now. It has caused me to stop hanging out with my friends in the past bc I didn't want to have one around them. Couldn't play poker bc the anxiety was too high. Last time I played I got so anxious for the hand to end I thought I would panic right there. It was only for like $20.00 but it didnt matter. It has kept me from social situations plenty of time. Waiting on the outcome of anything had brought them on before. One thing that was really ridiculous that happened in the past was panicking while shaving because I thought what if I can finish bc ill have a panic attack and then I will be only have shaved and look crazy. I mean how stupid is that. Anyways I know how you feel. Most of my anxiety like others is health related. I constantly think I know something these doctors don't and that I'm right about my heart and health and they are wrong. Multiple docs And specialist have told me its only anxiety but for some reason I can't convince myself. Anyways over the years it has come and went. Now I'm trying to either stop them before they happen by telling them no, or if that don't work I let them in and tell myself that this is a panic attack and nothing else. Let it take control and then ask is this all you got then go ahead. Once I stop being afraid I think they get better. Again it don't always work but its helping a lot. Hang in there and remember, what's happened to you has happened to us and we are all still here.