Anxiety & Ocd...venting

[mellymel]

I just get so tired of being inside my own head, there are days that I am scared I will never get better. If I'm not obsessing, literally obsessing, over disturbing thoughts I'm obsessing over wether or not i love my love my daughter and husband, where I want to be in life, if I'm in the early stages of psychosis, will i snap and murder someone I love, or weather I'm fit to be a mother, or if i should have another child considering I have this terrible anxiety...the list is endless...somedays I just cry because I desperately need a break from my own fears and creepiness. I feel like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff and one more step and I'm gonna fall into a dark abyss. I'm terrified some days for reasons I don't even know. It has gotten so bad that last night I cut my toe and didn't realize it, my husband saw the blood and was like omg did you cut yourself? And I looked down and saw quite a bit of blood. I freaked out so bad and had myself convinced that I slit my own toe with a knife in a blackout and just didn't know. I did nothing of the sort, I still don't know how I got the cut but I know what I was doing prior to it. However the ocd kicked in (I guess it's the ocd that made me think like that) and I was convinced I did it to myself even though I really knew I didn't, and then i had to run upstairs to check my SLEEPING daughter to reassure myself that it was not her blood and that I didn't do something horrible to her. It was just on my toe for crying out loud its not like I was covered in blood, it was just my toe. Good god, I'm a mess.

[trinidiva]

I don't think I have asked you before...are you currently taking anything for your anxiety? If not, I think perhaps you may want to consider it, just so you can have some sense of relief, you seem like you are really suffering. Are you doing any CBT therapy or something similar? If not, it really does help give you the tools to get through the difficult time.

[mellymel]

Haha no meds, I'm deathly afraid of them, but I do start CBT in a few weeks.

[trinidiva]

I think you will start to feel better once you start your recovery. I too am very scared of meds, I do not even take an aspirin for a headache...but the anxiety was just taking over my entire life, I felt like I couldn't function, and I still had a family to take care of. I started taking a small amount of meds, along with CBT, and it has helped me tremendously. Well, just hang on until you get into your CBT class. I even bought some books on the subject and they have been helpful.

[Cara1989]

I feel just like u :/ it sucks but not over my son over other stuff

[mellymel]

In my case, my father was a drug addict (Xanax, Percocet, and a ton of others, heroin, and crack). I was addicted to sleeping pills when I was younger. And I was on Prozac when I was 21 but it made me a zombie. Since that didn't work for me this time around they tried giving me antipsychotics. I am not into the whole mind altering thing because I have to be coherent to raise my baby. The side effects to a lot of these "safe, helpful" drugs is way too much of a risk for me. Lots of people do crazy things while on them and coming off of them. I want to know what I'm doing and not have my mind controlled by pharmaceutical companies using me as a lab rat with their pills. I know that I have a lot of deep rooted issues that need addressing before I go pumping myself full of meds to cover my pain. I'd rather feel what I feel and deal with it in time. If all else fails, and I cannot function I would consider meds. It's too early in my life and my anxiety meltdown to just give up and numb myself. Not to mention, everyone I know that's taking meds still suffers. I am not bashing ppl who take meds, everyone is different, I just don't want that right now.

[Cara1989]

May i ask you all a question .

Why you so scared of meds ? Please have a think about it before you answer .

I took paxel and the way it made me feel scared the shit out of me it took me a year to get back to somewhat normal

[vakim78]

Haha no meds, I'm deathly afraid of them, but I do start CBT in a few weeks.

I was scared of meds terribly. I was prescribed .25 mg of Xanax and I will tell u, it's nice to get a break fm my crazy brain. It was getting to the pit where i couldn't do anything.. all i wanted to do was sit in my room and mope. I i couldn't clean, cook, socialize, talk to mu kids without my brain running wild. The very first pill I took I had a extreme panic attack... Then it kicked in... I was normal instantly! No thoughts driving me crazy, I had my brain back! Consider it

[anxiousmal]

I've got to say meds have helped me 300mg pregabalin per day and they have only allowed me to get the anxiety and stuff under control. I have had no noticable side effects from it.

However what I wanted to say was, your not alone I also have had the same fears as you as have many others that I'm learning. I have also been doing cbt and it does help. One of the first things I was told was that anxiety is a bully and you need to stand up to it.

Breathing from your stomach, 4 secs in and 4 secs out and then count each out breath on the exhale. Whilst doing this do a "scan" of your body every 3 or 4 breaths. Doing this calms helps calm me and clear my mind enough to get control. You may have been told this a bunch of times already but I thought I'd add it in case it would help.

[1Goofy1]

I was scared of meds terribly. I was prescribed .25 mg of Xanax and I will tell u, it's nice to get a break fm my crazy brain. It was getting to the pit where i couldn't do anything.. all i wanted to do was sit in my room and mope. I i couldn't clean, cook, socialize, talk to mu kids without my brain running wild. The very first pill I took I had a extreme panic attack... Then it kicked in... I was normal instantly! No thoughts driving me crazy, I had my brain back! Consider it

I totally agree! I was and am still very funny about taking drugs of any kind, even cold meds., and I just had a horrible reaction to a Z-pack that prescribed to me.
I have klonopin instead of xanax and I gotta tell ya, I only take them as needed but when I do really need one it is so nice to know they are right there in my purse. The relief they bring me is wonderful. I just feel normal, not drowsy or anything. Just calm, so nice.