rollerasda
05-29-2007, 04:51 AM
Hello,
I am a 23 year old male, for years now I've had this thing where my mind doesn't give me any peace. Whenever I'm on my own its like I have a cinema screen in my head that plays humiliating or distressing events in my life on a loop. My mind also obsessively go over things and try and find ways to make it seem like I've done something bad. When I'm alone I tell myself out loud to "shut up" a few times every day.
. I have always listened to a walkman and when I'm on my own outside I always have on a podcast of some comedy on my ipod. I enjoy listening to them, and comedy really makes me feel better but the fact that I always listen to the same ones is like I'm trying to distract my mind so it'll give me a break!
I'm also very very scared of being attacked in the street, to the point where if I see a group of kids my heart beats uncontrollably and I walk INSANE routes round to avoid them (the other day I spend 7 pounds on a taxi because I thought there were some kids at the bustop.)
This has led to me drinking loads when i go out just so i'm not scared of walking home (when I'm drunk I'm pretty much fearless)
Anyway does any of this sound familiar to anyone?
It's just getting a bit much at the moment and i'm not sure if this happens to other people as well.
I know that self doubt is a part of my personality and it brings with it some good qualities, but its just sometimes I have these moments of clarity (like now) where I think "hold on, I don't have to live like this, other people don't"
I am a 23 year old male, for years now I've had this thing where my mind doesn't give me any peace. Whenever I'm on my own its like I have a cinema screen in my head that plays humiliating or distressing events in my life on a loop. My mind also obsessively go over things and try and find ways to make it seem like I've done something bad. When I'm alone I tell myself out loud to "shut up" a few times every day.
. I have always listened to a walkman and when I'm on my own outside I always have on a podcast of some comedy on my ipod. I enjoy listening to them, and comedy really makes me feel better but the fact that I always listen to the same ones is like I'm trying to distract my mind so it'll give me a break!
I'm also very very scared of being attacked in the street, to the point where if I see a group of kids my heart beats uncontrollably and I walk INSANE routes round to avoid them (the other day I spend 7 pounds on a taxi because I thought there were some kids at the bustop.)
This has led to me drinking loads when i go out just so i'm not scared of walking home (when I'm drunk I'm pretty much fearless)
Anyway does any of this sound familiar to anyone?
It's just getting a bit much at the moment and i'm not sure if this happens to other people as well.
I know that self doubt is a part of my personality and it brings with it some good qualities, but its just sometimes I have these moments of clarity (like now) where I think "hold on, I don't have to live like this, other people don't"