Just looking for someone to talk to

[PhoenixStorm]

I’ve had anxiety my whole life. When I was younger people would say that I was shy or quiet but the truth is I’ve been silently struggling with social anxiety, agoraphobia, and depression. Later in life it translated into addiction to help cope and quite recently I’ve experienced some trauma that has exasperated it all. I used to self medicate with alcohol which made symptoms more manageable or even non existent, but when I got sober almost 3 years ago everything changed. Leaving my house almost never happens anymore, making phone calls or answering the phone almost never happens except to a close few… this is getting really hard for me to deal with because I have a 19 month old at home and a husband, without him I don’t know what I would do.. I’m almost entirely dependent on him, Driving, Grocery shopping, working.. These are all things I cannot do anymore.. I used to be able to leave with him and feel comfortable enough because he was with.. But now.. I’d rather stay at home then have to go out and experience panic and fear and embarrassment.. I don’t even know where to begin with getting help.. I just need someone that understands.. (my husband does not!) It’s hard to explain irrational thinking.. Especially when I know that its irrational. it’s the same thing with addiction… I don’t know why I can’t just DO things… why I can’t just GO places.. Why I can’t just TALK to people… I know I’ve done it before.. And I know people JUST DO IT… but why cant I? I can’t put into words what I go through.. Even writing this.. I just hope that someone gets it.. Understands… and wants to help.. I need some relief… some… something…

[PhoenixStorm]

I just want to get it all out of my head!.. I don't even know what to talk about so feel free to ask me questions and I'll try my best...

[Saldav]

Do you take any meds for your condition?

[Saldav]

Where are you from Phoenix?

[PhoenixStorm]

I used to take Zoloft for my depression in 2010 and I'm from South Dakota

[Saldav]

I used to take Zoloft for my depression in 2010 and I'm from South Dakota

Did the Zoloft work for you?

[PhoenixStorm]

I don't really know.. I continued to have panic attacks but I think generally it did help with the depression

[mw0929]

I used to take Zoloft for my depression in 2010 and I'm from South Dakota

I'm on Zoloft right now. I'm still waiting for it to get in my system but I've been sleeping a lot better. What made you stop taking meds?

[trinidiva]

I'm on Zoloft too. It's a small amt but it seems like its helping, but I still have to push myself sometimes to get out there. I'm the same way, I feel like I depend on my husband to help me so much.....I don't drive on the highway so I am kind of stuck to the local roads...when I get a touch of bravery, I try to venture outside of my small box. I even work from home now because of my driving phobia.
I too find it hard to function in social situations. I sometimes just do not know what to say, and I am told that I come across as a bit intimidating...I guess like I'm sizing people up. Honestly, I'm just looking for the right words to say!!!!
I just try to make small steps here in there and I am proud of those small steps. Just start small and to from there!!!

[PhoenixStorm]

It gave me really weird dreams and for a short time... I thought I was making my symptoms worse than what they really were.. but, it must have been working for me then to make me feel well enough to stop taking them. And I also started taking them after a trumatic situation and I thought I had gotten over it and moved on, but it just isnt that easy.

[PhoenixStorm]

I'm on Zoloft too. It's a small amt but it seems like its helping, but I still have to push myself sometimes to get out there. I'm the same way, I feel like I depend on my husband to help me so much.....I don't drive on the highway so I am kind of stuck to the local roads...when I get a touch of bravery, I try to venture outside of my small box. I even work from home now because of my driving phobia.
I too find it hard to function in social situations. I sometimes just do not know what to say, and I am told that I come across as a bit intimidating...I guess like I'm sizing people up. Honestly, I'm just looking for the right words to say!!!!
I just try to make small steps here in there and I am proud of those small steps. Just start small and to from there!!!

I try to push myself but my anxiety just gets the best of me, I've been out of the house by myself only three times in the past 2 months. Making small steps doesn't seem to be helping me.. because I feel like I've gone no where. I'm starting to fear that I'm going to be one of those people that doesn't leave their house for years.. and thats something that I don't want to happen

[trinidiva]

I try to push myself but my anxiety just gets the best of me, I've been out of the house by myself only three times in the past 2 months. Making small steps doesn't seem to be helping me.. because I feel like I've gone no where. I'm starting to fear that I'm going to be one of those people that doesn't leave their house for years.. and thats something that I don't want to happen

I'd make a list of small steps you'd like to make. Don't put a time period on when you'd like to do it though, because that can create more anxiety.
Start with something small....like walking down your street, then back home. If it takes a few times, that's ok. Once you do that, try something like going to the grocery or another local store, and just walk around. It will probably make you a little anxious at first, but focus on the things around you....a cute child, something interesting in the store, or even the music playing in the store , anything to get your mind off of being nervous. I seriously had to start with small steps like that too, because I was barely leaving my house at my worst point. I couldn't take my kids to the playground or extra curricular activities, nothing. Now, I'm back to doing that. I think the meds and CBT therapy has helped, but also pushing myself when I was in slightly uncomfortable, anxiety inducing situations has given me the greatest feelings of accomplishment. It makes me want to work even more to gain back my life the way it was before my anxiety disorder hit me.

[PhoenixStorm]

Yeah.. that sounds like something I should try more.. I guess I've been kind of complacent. I'm a stay at home mom but also do my husband's bookwork for 2 businesses so having my daughter out with me causes a lot of small panic attacks... But being with her is one of the best things to me so it just makes me more determined to be able to take her out to the park or something..

[trinidiva]

I know what you mean. My kids are still pretty young, so going out with them definitely takes planning, for me. I started with small outings and kind of built my way up. I still cannot take my kids through the shopping mall on my own....maybe one at a time, but not both. I'm working on that!! :)