sianxzia
01-14-2013, 03:00 PM
Okay so this is the first site devoted to anxiety I have come across, originally i was posting questions on Yahoo Answers but thought it would more reliable to ask people that know about this condition.
Firstly Im 17 years old and recently dropped out of school (I was in sixth form) I dropped out because I had amount after amount of school work that I was finding it hard to keep up with for no reason. I didn't work and didn't have anything else to do but I couldn't set my mind to revising and had upcoming exams, also when i went in to school i found it awkward to talk to people and teachers and usually would shake before i entered the doors. Was humiliating for me and I became paranoid that everyone was talking about me, I had allot of friends but still was very nervous and hated speaking to teachers. I left and I plan to start a degree from home with the open Uni in April. At the moment my mum sends me £30 each week but as i have dropped out of school she is stopping soon and said i should find a job since my degree is only part time. I have told her I don't want too and she thinks its because im lazy but actually its because I know i would be so nervous of going in and socialising with other people, I would love to have a job i just can't deal with it. My mum suffered from extreme clinical anxiety when i was a baby to the point where she couldn't leave the house just stayed in with the curtains closed in bed.
I live with my nan as I feel im more closer to my nan than my mum and I have lots of little brothers and my mums was becoming quite crowded, my nan has 12 bedrooms here with only 3 people living here so i decided to move in with her. Shes so nice to me and acts like my mum, I don't have to do my own washing hovering washing up anything because she just wont have it, she wants to do it for me, she dosen't expect me to pay her rent and always goes out of her way to make sure i get what i want. Im not close to my mum, we never have been i don't feel as though I can talk to anyone because im embarrassed.
I have a boyfriend of nearly two years who is 21. He used to live down by me (for uni) but a few months ago moved back to his family home which is about a 3 hour drive away and he is at work almost all of the time so i only see him a few times a month. When he was living around here i would constantly worry what he was up to, text him 24/7 call him if he didn't reply with in the hour and i used to crave attention off of him because i thought he didn't love me and if i got lots of attention he would love me. I never told him i might have had a problem because I know he would have told me to go to the doctors so he just thought I was strange and began to get angry with me when I did it. Now that he dosen't live here sometimes he comes down and i worry about everything i worry about what where going to talk about, if hes going to feel the same about me, if hes going to like me still etc FOR NO REASON hes a nice boy and gives me no reason to think any of the things i do. Recently we stayed at a hotel and he told me I had put on a bit of weight (I know i have about 5 pounds but im still slim) he told me he didn't care he was just stating that my hips looked bigger but it was fine. I went on about it for ages asking him what i should do etc and he got really annoyed and said he wish i didn't bring it up. I examine every way he acts to me. for example if he falls asleep in my company (because hes tired) I assume that hes bored of me and start writing a list in my head of how i can be more fun. When i got home from the hotel on Saturday I started thinking "oh i bet he wishes i looked how i looked back when we first met (I was TINY a uk size 6 and he has made it clear he likes me curvy uk size 10-12 that i am now) and im not as tight as i was when i first met him (sorry for to much information lol) He hasn't mentioned it to me but i know im not but now im thinking oh i bet hes going to look elsewhere for someone tight and skinny and i bet he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. I have wrote a list about how i can improve my personality looks body etc because I don't feel i can be normal and forget about it unless it is listed somewhere. I often worry that i don't love him anymore (even though I know i do) but sometimes I worry that im thinking that we have nothing to talk about (when we do) and that i worry loads because i don't actually love him.
Everything is just so complicated. Because I don't feel I could get a job i have wrote a plan of how im going to get money have wrote different options etc have scheduled my time (to fit my study in when i start) because i don't feel that im able to do it unless i have a set routine. Im really pale and i worry about that i worry about how im going to be brown and i worry about my teeth (there normal) but i worry about if they look nice and worry about wether i look fat i can't go shopping without worrying if people are talking about me its awful. If im ill i spend hours scouring google to see what it could be, I have a headache then find out its a symptom of a life threatening disease then automatically assume I have that disease and Im going to die then begin to worry and search for treatment and then imagine what would happen if i had it. I sometimes am laying in bed at night and imagine someone is under my bed until the point where i have to go and sleep on the floor of my nans room because im so scared, every little noise i assume is a "monster" if i hear a loud bang outside i imagine it to be gun shots and one of those walk in shootings is going to happen to my house. I have to check things every little second. Like if i cook something and turn the cooker off i have to go down twice just to make sure its 100% off. I drink too much water, like literally can't stop drinking water its like my comfort, if im out and haven't got water im fine until i notice all my waters gone then i get this sense of extreme thirst and start shaking until i get another bottle of water. I have loads of heaaches and feel so tired all the time i sleep throughout the day and at night with no troubles. But often im thinking about stuff before bed so have to write it down in a diary so i can forget about it all. At the hotel with my boyfriend i refused to come down for brekfast, i made him ask them if it was ok to bring it up to me just because i didn't want to have to talk with strangers and didn't want to worry about what they where saying about me. When my boyfriend was back at his old house (living with friends) they used to say hi to me and i didn't say anything back because i was embaressed and they started to think i was really rude and they didn't like me and it got me really upset. Im dieting like crazy doing various excersises a day, going on sunbeds to try and get brown have wrote lists of how im going to do this all etc it just really getting on my nerves. At the hotel we was led down watching tv and in my head i just thought to myself a strange thought then thought "should i even be thinking this, wtf am i doing wtf am i on about" and this was mid convo with my boyfriend.
Im so low, i feel so unhappy. I do not go out with friends anymore to the cinema etc if they ask me im like "no thanks haven't got any money" and if they ask to come over or me to come over i say no and make an excuse just because i want to be alone. I used to go shopping all the time, hate going now unless im with a family member but will not go with a friend. The only people i see are my family and my boyfriend and very occasionaly (every month or so) a close friend that I don't mind seeing for a night or something. If my friends having a birthday party or anything i will go for a few hours but then go home on my own because i want to get in to bed. Im just so upset stressed and scared of everything.
I will tell a family member eventually so i can go to the doctors, i just want to know of opinons as to if this is anxiety and how extreme is it? or do you think its another problem that maybe isn't psychological
Firstly Im 17 years old and recently dropped out of school (I was in sixth form) I dropped out because I had amount after amount of school work that I was finding it hard to keep up with for no reason. I didn't work and didn't have anything else to do but I couldn't set my mind to revising and had upcoming exams, also when i went in to school i found it awkward to talk to people and teachers and usually would shake before i entered the doors. Was humiliating for me and I became paranoid that everyone was talking about me, I had allot of friends but still was very nervous and hated speaking to teachers. I left and I plan to start a degree from home with the open Uni in April. At the moment my mum sends me £30 each week but as i have dropped out of school she is stopping soon and said i should find a job since my degree is only part time. I have told her I don't want too and she thinks its because im lazy but actually its because I know i would be so nervous of going in and socialising with other people, I would love to have a job i just can't deal with it. My mum suffered from extreme clinical anxiety when i was a baby to the point where she couldn't leave the house just stayed in with the curtains closed in bed.
I live with my nan as I feel im more closer to my nan than my mum and I have lots of little brothers and my mums was becoming quite crowded, my nan has 12 bedrooms here with only 3 people living here so i decided to move in with her. Shes so nice to me and acts like my mum, I don't have to do my own washing hovering washing up anything because she just wont have it, she wants to do it for me, she dosen't expect me to pay her rent and always goes out of her way to make sure i get what i want. Im not close to my mum, we never have been i don't feel as though I can talk to anyone because im embarrassed.
I have a boyfriend of nearly two years who is 21. He used to live down by me (for uni) but a few months ago moved back to his family home which is about a 3 hour drive away and he is at work almost all of the time so i only see him a few times a month. When he was living around here i would constantly worry what he was up to, text him 24/7 call him if he didn't reply with in the hour and i used to crave attention off of him because i thought he didn't love me and if i got lots of attention he would love me. I never told him i might have had a problem because I know he would have told me to go to the doctors so he just thought I was strange and began to get angry with me when I did it. Now that he dosen't live here sometimes he comes down and i worry about everything i worry about what where going to talk about, if hes going to feel the same about me, if hes going to like me still etc FOR NO REASON hes a nice boy and gives me no reason to think any of the things i do. Recently we stayed at a hotel and he told me I had put on a bit of weight (I know i have about 5 pounds but im still slim) he told me he didn't care he was just stating that my hips looked bigger but it was fine. I went on about it for ages asking him what i should do etc and he got really annoyed and said he wish i didn't bring it up. I examine every way he acts to me. for example if he falls asleep in my company (because hes tired) I assume that hes bored of me and start writing a list in my head of how i can be more fun. When i got home from the hotel on Saturday I started thinking "oh i bet he wishes i looked how i looked back when we first met (I was TINY a uk size 6 and he has made it clear he likes me curvy uk size 10-12 that i am now) and im not as tight as i was when i first met him (sorry for to much information lol) He hasn't mentioned it to me but i know im not but now im thinking oh i bet hes going to look elsewhere for someone tight and skinny and i bet he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. I have wrote a list about how i can improve my personality looks body etc because I don't feel i can be normal and forget about it unless it is listed somewhere. I often worry that i don't love him anymore (even though I know i do) but sometimes I worry that im thinking that we have nothing to talk about (when we do) and that i worry loads because i don't actually love him.
Everything is just so complicated. Because I don't feel I could get a job i have wrote a plan of how im going to get money have wrote different options etc have scheduled my time (to fit my study in when i start) because i don't feel that im able to do it unless i have a set routine. Im really pale and i worry about that i worry about how im going to be brown and i worry about my teeth (there normal) but i worry about if they look nice and worry about wether i look fat i can't go shopping without worrying if people are talking about me its awful. If im ill i spend hours scouring google to see what it could be, I have a headache then find out its a symptom of a life threatening disease then automatically assume I have that disease and Im going to die then begin to worry and search for treatment and then imagine what would happen if i had it. I sometimes am laying in bed at night and imagine someone is under my bed until the point where i have to go and sleep on the floor of my nans room because im so scared, every little noise i assume is a "monster" if i hear a loud bang outside i imagine it to be gun shots and one of those walk in shootings is going to happen to my house. I have to check things every little second. Like if i cook something and turn the cooker off i have to go down twice just to make sure its 100% off. I drink too much water, like literally can't stop drinking water its like my comfort, if im out and haven't got water im fine until i notice all my waters gone then i get this sense of extreme thirst and start shaking until i get another bottle of water. I have loads of heaaches and feel so tired all the time i sleep throughout the day and at night with no troubles. But often im thinking about stuff before bed so have to write it down in a diary so i can forget about it all. At the hotel with my boyfriend i refused to come down for brekfast, i made him ask them if it was ok to bring it up to me just because i didn't want to have to talk with strangers and didn't want to worry about what they where saying about me. When my boyfriend was back at his old house (living with friends) they used to say hi to me and i didn't say anything back because i was embaressed and they started to think i was really rude and they didn't like me and it got me really upset. Im dieting like crazy doing various excersises a day, going on sunbeds to try and get brown have wrote lists of how im going to do this all etc it just really getting on my nerves. At the hotel we was led down watching tv and in my head i just thought to myself a strange thought then thought "should i even be thinking this, wtf am i doing wtf am i on about" and this was mid convo with my boyfriend.
Im so low, i feel so unhappy. I do not go out with friends anymore to the cinema etc if they ask me im like "no thanks haven't got any money" and if they ask to come over or me to come over i say no and make an excuse just because i want to be alone. I used to go shopping all the time, hate going now unless im with a family member but will not go with a friend. The only people i see are my family and my boyfriend and very occasionaly (every month or so) a close friend that I don't mind seeing for a night or something. If my friends having a birthday party or anything i will go for a few hours but then go home on my own because i want to get in to bed. Im just so upset stressed and scared of everything.
I will tell a family member eventually so i can go to the doctors, i just want to know of opinons as to if this is anxiety and how extreme is it? or do you think its another problem that maybe isn't psychological