still being punished

[blaze1dave]

hello, my anxiety and depression was self inflicted. i cheated on my girlfriend about one and a half years ago and couldnt deal with the guilt. it slowly metamorphosised into anxiety and i got scared about everything, my family friends etc. i have conditioned myself to feel anxious and horrible thoughts around my girlfriend and i finally lost her, i know its a cliche but she was the love of my life, i love her but these thoughts and guilty/anxious feelings do not go away. have contemplated suicide as sometimes i feel it is the only way to restore my dignity. has anyone else conditioned themselves to be irrationally fearful/anxious around just one person, especially the closest person???!! or have any advice? please someone reply!

[Breathe]

Hi, Dave.

In my experience with anxiety, I have not ever conditioned myself to feel anxious when I get around a certain individual...HOWEVER, I believe it is totally possible. Let me tell you why.

I firmly believe (b/c of experience) that one can condition themselves to have anxiety/panic attacks when they get in certain situations/ environments. This is why I believe that this could also happen with "individuals" as well. You are relating to your girlfriend with something awful that happened in the past....so that whenever you are around her it AUTOMATICALLY triggers something inside your head to bring back everything that happened with her...you can't get over the guilt or what you did to her. This, in return, causes your body to bring upon symptoms of anxiety.


Your mind is a very powerful thing. It has so much control over how you feel physically. I hope that you have sought out help. I am sorry that this has happened with your girlfriend and I am certain you are hurting... :( We have all done things we regret and I hate it that it has taken over your mind. Please don't contemplate suicide. God loves you. Just go to the dr. and get the help you need however you are advised. You, too, can get through this...just be strong. I know the waiting can seem long...

[blaze1dave]

thanks a lot breathe, i really appreciate your response. I will NEVER commit suicide as i do have good times as well as low, and they have to be treated as equals. it just gets worse that I put myself here and it has cost me so much. Life is strange like that. thanks again for your quick response!



dave

[Breathe]

You are so very welcome. I really felt led to respond.

I am not sure what it is with this particular forum...you can see how people will view a new post at least 50 times (while the original poster is sitting there in dire need of support) and people don't reply. I don't get it.

But anyway, it is easy to beat ourselves up over our actions ( as warranted as they are)....it's a slow process but if there is anything positive that comes out of your break up....maybe it will help heal you with a new beginning.

Take care. :)

[blaze1dave]

thankyou for your reply, you are right about the judge and victim thing, and i think i punished myself way too harshly, the mind just lets things get out of control before you know it!! thanks again and hope to see you around