Need encouragement

[sandyrdh1]

I am a dental hygienist and I become attached to some I my patients. I got to work today only to fine out one of my long time patients committed sucide. :( he was a very strong man at one time. He fell and hurt his back and had mult surgery a that left him in a wheel chair. I saw him about 6 mths ago and he looked like he was 60 yrs old and he was only 47. I am so sad and it all I can think about today. I am having some anxiety that I don't know how to control today. I saw him going down hill and from what his wife said he got very depressed because he was always so active. He could not take it anymore. Why do I dwell on this so bad.? I know this is a site that don't like to hear about stuff like this but this is what I am dealing with now and don't know how to cope and not let it get me soooo upset and create more anxiety that I don't need right now. Any suggestions?

[Cara1989]

I am a dental hygienist and I become attached to some I my patients. I got to work today only to fine out one of my long time patients committed sucide. :( he was a very strong man at one time. He fell and hurt his back and had mult surgery a that left him in a wheel chair. I saw him about 6 mths ago and he looked like he was 60 yrs old and he was only 47. I am so sad and it all I can think about today. I am having some anxiety that I don't know how to control today. I saw him going down hill and from what his wife said he got very depressed because he was always so active. He could not take it anymore. Why do I dwell on this so bad.? I know this is a site that don't like to hear about stuff like this but this is what I am dealing with now and don't know how to cope and not let it get me soooo upset and create more anxiety that I don't need right now. Any suggestions?

I don't really know what to say that's sad but it will ok your probably just in shock try to relax :/

[alankay]

I think you must care a great deal but it might help to try and concentrate on what good you can do and try not just to focus on the bad or sad you'll see in your profession. Easier said than done but docs and nurses often have the same issue, all they see if the sad side and suffering but they learn to try and focus on the good they can do otherwise they will become too stressed, depressed and negative. That's why they have a funny sense of humor at times. Not to be cold but to focus on all the sadness they see won't help.......anyone. Focus on the great care you can give to the patients who benefit from it. One cannot avoid some sadness and ugliness in life but don't let it define your work. Just a small but sad part of it. Alankay

[mw0929]

Any trauma like that makes things so much worse for anxiety sufferers. The way you are feeling is completely understandable. The fact that he was your patient really makes things hard. All I can say is that time will heal those feelings.

[sandyrdh1]

Thank all:) that is why I never became a nurse. Really! I knew with my personality I could not deal with loosing someone. But at least nurses don't usually care for a patient for 13 yrs and then loose them. Your right, I need to try and focus on the positive side. I just don't deal with death very well with people I know:( never have.

[trinidiva]

Neither do I Sandy. I think what you are feeling is totally normal.....

[sandyrdh1]

Neither do I Sandy. I think what you are feeling is totally normal.....

I only would see him every 6 mths but we would always talk about our back problems after he fell and had a few surgeries. I was told I need surgery too on my back but refused until the day I just can't take it anymore. But he kept having them and it tore him up and made him worse and crippled till he finally said no more. So I guess I feel sad that if he had not of went through so many surgeries and just felt with it maybe things would of been different. But I know I can't change the past and what is done is done so I have to try and move forward. I feel for his wife who will get no insurance money now and she has breast cancer. It's just all around sad:(

[trinidiva]

I think in general, it is hard to lose anyone that we have built any type of personal relationship with. I knew some family friends that unfortunately passed away in a tragic way, and I was so broken up, I couldn't be home by myself for a while because it was just too hard.
What I eventually did was not dwell on the event that took them away, but the times I had shared with them. This happened many years ago, and while they still cross my mind from time to time, its not as scary and devastating to me. I know they are in a better place.