Another day in the battle..

[parrymax]

Being as i just joined here last nite i've done a ton of reading thru the site posts and see we all suffer thru most of the same symptoms.I dealt with a major bout of anxiety 15 years ago and managed to pull myself out of it after about 6 months of agony and since then its come and gone,usually only for a few days and then it would go away.The last 3 months its raised its ugly head once again and its been a chore trying to get thru,some days are great and the next day stinks.Probably why i joined here ysterday,it's been wearing on me pretty hard this past month.Funny how i felt lousy 24 hours ago and today i feel good.I woke up today with the i've had ENUF!! attitude. i know it sounds funny but i'm looking at this as a fight to the finish,winner take all,no holds barred,lets get it on. Since getting out of bed i've somehow managed to whip myself into a fighting mad frenzy and this is not going to beat me.So far so good,i've managed to get out of the house and go for a drive with a clear head,stop at a store without gettin that old anxiety feeling-and that was a biggie for me-i hate shoppin as i'm uncomfortable being out when i'm dealing with anxiety and lightheadedness.How long its gonna last i don't know but i got a mindset of i'm pushin thru whatever it throws at me until i win.From what i've learned over the years of dealing with this is its a BIG mindgame,if you let it get you down its gonna keep you there until you decide enuf is enuf and fight your way back up.I refuse to go back to seeing the doctor as #1 i have no insurance and i know he's gonna say its anxiety again anyway#2i don't wanna have to take a happy pill#3 i beat this before and i'll do it again. I must confess i did do a little reading and bought myself some camu fruit powder as it supposedly reduces anxiety,tried that for the last 3 days.Does it work,i don't know,too early to tell yet BUT it TASTES horrible lol.The taste alone will take your mind off your anxiety!

[alliking6]

Great attitude. U can beat this. I tell myself that every day. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. But I want to win this also. Keep up the good attitude. :)

[parrymax]

Thanks alli! Still chuggin along today and other then a slight headache that comes and goes i'm feelin froggy! May even take a run on the eliptical tonite for 1/2 hour.Being wound up the last few months i quit runnin and gained some lbs. and they need to go for my jeans sake lol. Be back later if i don't keel over!!

[parrymax]

Day 2 of the battle and i knew when i woke up things were gonna get rough today.Yesterday was awesome,felt pretty great-nice feelin after 3 months,even managed a 1/2 hour run and went to bed before midnight-way earlier then usual.Actually got a full 8 hours sleep,that was a first in a long time.Enter today,knew within a 1/2 hour after gettin up somethings different.Tried to whip myself up and get yesterdays mindset but it didn't feel right.Figured i'd jump in the truck and head to the store for some bulbs,within 2 minutes of being in there on comesthe lightheadedness-wonderful! Forced myself to stay in there longer then i needed to be and played thru the lightheaded feeling.Back to the house and pacin like a caged animal rest of the morning thinkin about how could this be,i felt great yesterday.In a sad way i find this too funny,one minute your great and the next the proverbial stuff hits the fan for no apparent reason.Still got a long way till bedtime so hopin to turn the rest of the day around!

[Cara1989]

Yup if I'm lucky ill feel ok before bed in the morning is always worse for me seems like everyday I wake up feel like shit try to talk myself out of panic try to give myself some hope god I'm really depressed :/

[parrymax]

Keep tryin Cara! I was venting earlier as i feltlike i was slidin backwards yet again,since i made thatpost i'm feelin better other then another headache which i'll gladly deal with over the other option. No clue how it turned around that quick,kinda like a switch.The lightheadedness went away and i'm way more relaxed. The way i see it is its all a mindgame as obviously one minute you feel pretty good and then bam switch to anxiety mode the next for no reason.The more you think on it the worse it gets.I haven't done a thing different today,woke up and spent the first half of the day feelin nasty and bam now i'm fine.Go figure!

[speedball]

I know we can all get though this! It will just take time

[parrymax]

Man what a rollercoaster ride this stuff is! woke up feeling great this morning,actually got 8 hours of sleep last night.3 hours later out of nowhere comes a massive hotflash,sweating one minute and now slowly going back to normal.could feel the old anxiety guage raisng with the sweats.Funny,now i actually have a slight chill,what the heck lol. Crazy stuff indeed,in just that short 5 minute time span i went from hot to cold and now feel normal.could definately see that little episode gettin out of hand if i hadn't talked myself out of it and jumped on here to vent. I can feel that uneasy feelin lingering like its waiting to pounce,looks like i gotta find something to distract myself fora while.