How do I even start?

[dazedandconfused]

I was diagnosed with GAD a little over 2 years ago; and have realistically been battling it since about 10 years old.

For a while, I thought my anxiety was normal and simply saw myself as an excessive worrier. However, I graduated high school in 2002; went on to a 4 year university and excelled my freshman year. My anxiety issues, while still present, I seemed to have under control.

Fast forward to my sophomore year. I got into drinking pretty heavily and found myself wasted at least 3-4 days a week. I stopped going to classes with any regularity by 2nd semester. My anxiety dramatically worsened; probably induced by my binge drinking cycle. Somehow I made it through my sophomore year and lined up an apartment directly below my best friend's place.

Junior year, things really got out of control. In addition to binge drinking I started smoking weed on a regular basis. By the end of the 1st semester junior year I was smoking weed almost every night. At the time I was content despite realizing I was on the verge of failing out of school. My anxiety became overwhelming and I'd go days without so much as leaving my mess of an apartment. After failing 3 of my 5 classes this semester I made the decision to leave school.

I came home and sought help for my anxiety. My doctor prescribed me Zoloft; which along with my increasing marijuana usage seemed to erase my anxiety. I was happier than ever; able to hold down steady employment; and my mind no longer seemed to race around at light speed (the main manifestation of my anxiety issues).

After time; my happiness was replaced with lethargy and a renewed lack of motivation. I lost touch with several non-stoner friends and I pretty much withdrew socially; preferring to sit in my car and smoke alone.

I was living in a cloud and attributed it to the Zoloft; which I stopped taking in December 2006. I continued to smoke weed, but my anxiety escalated upon quitting Zoloft and I became very depressed. After 2 weeks off of the Zoloft; I began taking it again. However, the side effects of muscle weakness & amotivation were almost unbearable for me and I stopped taking Zoloft for good in January of this year. Instead, I started drinking heavily again.

Fast forward to today - my anxiety is as bad as it has ever been. I've cut back on drinking drastically but I still smoke every night before bed. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it causes panic attacks.

My day-to-day quality of life sucks. I'm always tense and on edge. I struggle to pull myself out of bed. I can't even bear to answer the phone most of the time - even though there are friends I really miss talking to. It's just unbearable for me to let them see me in such a pathetic state, so it's easier to cut these people out of my life.

Basically, I'm lonely & depressed and it manifests itself through my anxiety. I'm starting to think weed has worsened my anxiety. Not to mention I find myself in a fog much of the time.

I really want my old life back. I want to stop worrying and start living but it's a lot easier said than done. And I don't want to go back on meds but I really don't know where to turn at this point. Any advice? Sorry about the long-windedness...

[V for Victor]

Hey, long-windedness is fine if that's what it takes to get it all sorted out. :)


Weed can actually make anxiety worse, which I think you've found out. Did your doctor know you were/are smoking weed when he prescribed the Zoloft? The behavior of the Zoloft may be affected by the marijuana usage.

All in all, it sounds like you've kinda hit rock bottom here, and that's usually what it takes to turn a life around. That's basically what happened to me, without alcohol or weed though.

I think the first thing you should do is quit the weed and the drinking. When you're battling anxiety, the last thing you need is something to cloud your mind and judgement. Stopping now is better than stopping later, as it may only get more and more difficult to kick the habits.

Once you're off the drinking and weed, then you can see how you feel once you kind of level out. Then you can take it from there, and if the anxiety/depression are still significant, maybe you can go see a doctor about getting a different medication, or upping your current dosage.

It's good to follow the doctor's orders, and unless you're instructed not to do so, it's always important to take the medication on a regular basis. I don't know what the routine for Zoloft is, but I'm sure you and your doctor discussed it.

Still, the thing that concerns me most about your story is the heavy use of alcohol and weed. (Sorry, I know I'm sounding like a broken record.) These things aren't helping you, and I think you know that. If you find yourself unable to quit the drinking or smoking, you may need to consult a therapist.

You can beat your anxiety and depression; many have. We're all in the same boat here, and any time you need advice or help, there's all kinds of people from all different experiences on here. :)

[kguthrie]

I too drank heavily and smoked a lot of weed in my twenties thinking that it would drown out the anxiety. For a while it did work, but self-medication never lasts for long.
I too hit rock bottom with my anxiety about a month ago. I had noticed that I was constantly on edge and very angry without any reason to be. I stopped seeing my therapist last August because I felt that I wasn't getting anywhere with her. I thought that I was okay. So I sought out a psychiatrist (I had gone to therapists for years). He prescribed me Klonopin and after a month on the stuff, I feel alright for the first time in years. I still have my bad days, but they don't seem as bad as they used to be.
I would suggest that you go see you doc again and talk to him about other medications (I know that Zoloft has some nasty side effects although I've never been on it). Also, try to stop smoking weed for a while. Let your system clean out. It's always helped me. When your head is clear, it's easier to calm yourself down from attacks. Also, as we all know, weed can cause paranoia.
Good luck to you.