Why Me - this is long

[honey]

Hi guys im new here, an wish i wasnt here due to these circumstances like most of us on here.

My anxiety started at the beginning of 2011 i was due to have an operation which worried me a bit an it didnt help with most ppl telling me horror stories, then afew days before the operation i remember watching tv late at night an then just randomly thinking about the operation an couldnt stop myself from thinking about it an then noticed i was breathing fast, my heart pumping double time, legs twitching an feeling like i was gona go crazy which lasted for maybe a minute or two but felt longer, after this had happened i thought wat the heck has just happened but didnt wana freak myself out even more an managed to get to sleep thinking i'd wake up an forget about it. well yh i woke up but i didnt forget it an had another panic attack an to make things worst i was home alone i then called my mum telling her i feel panicky an she sounded quite annoyed with me an told me to take some calms which are a natural herb an they did work they calmed me down an i fell asleep, then afew days later when i had the op i freaked out on the day in tears an agreed to have half of the operation done, an woke up feeling fine an in no pain an i felt so silly for causing myself all that panic when it was fine, anyways i still suffered from panic attacks after, feeling as if i wasnt there at times(detached), i lost my appetite an felt nausious when i tried to force myself to eat, i hated being home, i hated the numb feeling i got in my belly an bum also. I tried to speak to my mum but she doesnt understand an i dont think she wants to cause i think deep down shes a lil scared for me which hurts me. As i dont feel the same as i used an i feel trapped all because i worked myself up about some stupid operation. I dnt want to speak to soon but after a scary few months of panic attacks i havnt had one in many months since trying a tecnique i came up with myself but i worry if the panice attacks where to come back would my teqniques still work. my only problem now is anxiety it seems deep rooted an after daysof feeling normal it can just appear with no warning an i get really anxious an scared because i dont wana go crazy, the going crazy part is another prob for me cos where i live theres so many crazy ppl around it just scares me that i dont want it to happen to me. I wonder if any of u guys also feel that way?

im also scared of any form of medication and have to resort to kalms at times an sometimes they dont work as their natural

i have so much to say an ask but i just feel like im going on

[SunnieDebris]

Hey there, honey. What have you found that works for you?

[honey]

Hi sunnie,

i havnt found anything for my anxiety, but as for the panic attacks i looked up alot of breathing teqniques and anxiety teqniques an mainly jus self helped myself if i felt a panic attack coming on id tell myself im not gona die, i'd slow my breathing down, when certain body parts went numb for instance my belly id jus convince myself i needed to go toilet, i also stopped putting pressure on myself when i couldnt eat as that made me more panicky, i also tried a form of meditation where u dont judge ur anxious thoughts an that helped but its hard to do, but it does help and i took kalms as a last resort although there a natural herb.

and i havent had a panic attack in a long time now an i hope dont experience them again. Im just working on the anxiety now ;(

[SunnieDebris]

Sounds like you've put a lot of effort in getting better. Do the breathing exercises help with the anxiety at all? Why are you opposed to medications?

[honey]

Sounds like you've put a lot of effort in getting better. Do the breathing exercises help with the anxiety at all? Why are you opposed to medications?


Hi, The breathing excesises did help a little, but more while having a panic attack by slowing my breathing down. And i dont want to take medication as i get anxious about the side effects

[kelsta]

I'm the same but I couldn't get through without the help of the meds. I'm on Zoloft and it works if I take it correctly..

[honey]

hi kelsta, im glad the meds work for you. im too scared to take them and would only take them as a very very last resort

[kelsta]

They were a last resort for me... I've been on them for 14 years for panic/anxiety disorder. They work but when I go through a very stressful time like I am now I need a little bit extra until I'm coping again. I'm not eating at the moment as I have no appetite which is not good for me cause I'm breastfeeding my 4 month old but I'm determined to pull through this time aswell.

[honey]

hmmm sorry to hear that, i hate it when my appetite goes as im quite slim and cant afford to loose weight. But u seem like your on the right track by being determined to get through it and youve gone through child birth which is not easy.

[Kaybee]

Exercise helps me. Also the Claire Weekes books. I wish that I didn't have to take medication but after years of depression and anxiety I started on medication as a last resort. My worst anxiety began as a health scare. It can be triggered by googling symptoms, or by being faced with an illness or surgery or pregnancy. Unfortunately, the best "horror" stories are told to pregnant women. It tends to ruin a very special time in your life.

Also, the internet is full of "experts" with no medical training who will advise you not to take medication, or not have a hysterectomy, or not even a ceasarean birth. It is their philosophies, their prejudices (and sometimes their books or supplements) they want to sell you instead.

Your thoughts made you afraid and now you're sensitized to that fear. It may be easy to understand, but hard to ignore. Our minds are very powerful and the resulting body effects are too horrible to ignore. We convince ourselves that because we ARE afraid there must be something to be afraid of.

Science can explain how & why we get anxiety, but that doesn't do a damn thing to help when you're pacing the floor at midnight, googling "rapid heartbeat and stomachache" or checking your pulse at work. Anxiety has stronger clutches than reasoning.

No matter what, please seek the help of a trained counselor. Tell him or her about your symptoms & that for now you want to stop the anxiety without medication if you can. Don't waste a moment feeling prisoner to anxiety when there are so many avenues for help.

And try not to google your symptoms. Try not to google anything medical, especially medications. The horror stories rival anything I ever heard when pregnant, or when researching hysterectomy.

Funny how much I suffered because I listened for so long to other women's anecdotes, and strangers on the web, instead of a doctor I've seen for 20 years. The anti-hysterectomy sites were full of pressure, but I know my own body and what I will or will not put up with. The same with anti-medication sites. I'm sorry that US doctors do X number of hysterectomies and C-sections per year, or that X number of women are on medication. I'm not willing to suffer to bring down those statistics. After all, I'm not a number, I'm a human being.

And I just want to say that I am so glad that when I was pregnant I had no access to a computer. I would have been a googling fool. And the rsulting anxiety would have been heinous.

Instead I got to do what generations of women did: Listen to second and third hand accounts of terrible labor and awful experiences. Why we do that to one another I'm not sure. When your feet hurt, you have a backache and indigestion, going to pee every ten minutes, hearing about how your Aunt Shirley's baby came out sideways holding your Aunt Shirley's gall bladder in his little fist is like the icing on the cake.

I am so glad that FINALLY we recognize postpartum depression and anxiety and get new moms the help they deserve. We used to be hush hush about it, but celebrities have written books about their experiences and finally our culture is getting it. No one needs to suffer. There are a hundred avenues to help. And no one needs to feel alone. Sites like this where everyone says I GET it are worth their weight in gold.

But please avoid the numerous sites that will only scare you. Life is too short to listen to nonsense from strangers. Millions of people every day fly on planes, get pregnant, have operations, take medication, ride in cars and they are FINE 99% of the time. Ignore sites that try to convince you otherwise. They're not warning you against that foot operation because they want to "spare you what I went through when my surgeon messed up the operation" and now her toes are upside down and she can't wear sandals. She's instead trying to scare people, get attention, or more likely bolster her lawsuit against the doctor and hospital.

Finally, you're blessed to have a mom to call. Whenever my anxiety gets severe (like the two times I tried to wean off my medication) I wished I could once again sit at her kitchen table and hear her voice. She didn't understand anxiety, and sometimes told me to just "get over it." But I know she loved me and was worried when I or my sister, who also sufffers with this, told her of our pain.

Whatever you choose for YOU, take comfort in those like mom who love you best. You're not in this alone.

[honey]

Hmmm thanks kaybee, thanks for your advice, i now no longer look up stuff on the net apart from meditation technique stuff, as yes looking up symptoms can make anxiety worse, i think that made my symptoms worse, seeing that anxiety comes under mental health which freaked me out cos i dont want to go crazy. Also what are the Claire Weekes books about an where can i purchase them and do you excercise at home or the gym as i was considering doing some form of excercise too

[Kaybee]

Claire Weekes was a lovely psychologist from Australia who wrote the Books "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" and "Help for Nervous Suffering." Some people find the books dated but I suggest if you find them online to give them a try. She puts anxiety into perspective using every day language.

I don't belong to a gym but I walk in my neighborhood and on a treadmill in bad weather.

I probably won't be on this site much because my new psychiatrist has asked me to please stay off of the net and join the "real" world and has suggested other steps I can do, like volunteering. Since my own thinking has gotten me to this point I think I'll listen to what he has to suggest.

And just to be sure, anxiety is a common human condition that will NOT make you go crazy. That's one of the chief fears of the anxious mind and it is a lie. You're simply a person whose anxiety gives you trouble. You're working on it, and you're going to be fine.

[honey]

Ok thanks kaybee, you seem so cool, such a shame you wont be around much. :(

[katyats]

Kaybee, amen to that post! and honey- thats the exact reason i've never told my parents, they'd never understand and tell me to man up and that im making a big deal out of it. the only people that know is my boyfriend and one of my teachers. i told my sister, but she didnt quite understand either. i advise you to see your doctor and get referred to a therapist (if youre in UK, and get referred to a therapist it will be absolutely free) <3

[honey]

hi katyats, i started seeing counsellor but i found she was rubbish and saw another one who spoke to me like i was a baby and stopped going. And to be quite honest im scared of them wanting to put me on medication or them thinking im crazy. Ive also spoken to my sister about my anxiety and she understands to some degree, she also has a freind who suffers with anxiety.

Also are any of you guys from london as ive started a new post asking for anyone on here suffering with anxiety to meet up to, offer each other support,advice,possibly join a yoga\meditation class ?