Venting. Confessing.

[camilla91]

Before you read this I'm only putting it up because I feel like I'm suffocating in problems. I'm writing this to get them off my chest, clear my head and just lbasically write it.
My life a mess at the minute and I'm finding it quite hard to get a grip steer it right way. I'm just gunna write everything that's doing my head in.
I married an abusive man in october with the hope he'd changed. Only to find out 3 weeks later another woman could be carrying his baby.. Kicked him out. I've got 3 year old son.. That's just been put on child protection register because he's witnessed the domestic violence. The social services are pulling up my childhood files because I was on it twice for the same thing but me and my sisters were phycically hurt aswell as emotionally whichil die before my son get gets hurts physically. I can only try and heal the emotional abuse he's suffered.
.. Just before they put my son on child protection I started seeing my husband again on the off chance it will be different. Yeah I realised nothing changed when he blamed me for everything infront of the social services. No one knows I was seeing him so I feel like I've lied to everybody.. No one to talk to.
I suffer with an eating disorder and depersonalisation. I feel like I'm losing touch on reality on a regular basis. I fight that everyday..
I like another man. But feel like he's playing me for what I don't know because I'm not sleeping with him nor planning on anytime soon.
I don't like being on my own but its better than being with my husband. As soon as he's around me the depersonalisation kicks in..
I feel like giving up. I can't eat or drink anything that I really want. My sons being harned just like was. And I swore that would never happen to my child. I have to keep my husband happy because the social services think its best my son sees his dad. I do anything to keep my son happy and the social services out his life. And I'm fed up of fighting with myself internally to get through the day. Pfft.
I feel better already. Its wrote down. Its a load off. Now how do I fix these things?
I don't know. I'm tired. My head aches. My body aches. And I've got better things to do then ramble on here.
Hmm. Thanks for reading. Any advice would help.

[sandyrdh1]

First you need to leave a bad situation. Do not stay in something not good for your son. He is the most important thing. You do not want him to pick up bad habits. 2 nd you need to do this for yourself too. You are important to yourself and your son. You have to know this! Do not let anyone tell you any different. That's what they do is blame everything on you and make you feel you can't live without them or ever find anyone better. That is so far from the truth. But to find someone else or to be happy you have to let go of things that are bringing you down!

[SunnieDebris]

Hey, Camilla. I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time right now. You did the right thing by kicking out your husband and protecting your child! That was probably a tough thing to do, so good job! I know it's tempting to want to be with someone, but maybe what you need right now is to focus on healing for the both of you. Get into therapy if you can. Journal (it seemed to help). Stay out of any kind of relationship for at least 1 year, until you not only know what you don't want, but you know what you do want, as well. Good luck!