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View Full Version : Tired of trying so hard...



Shyaamist
12-24-2012, 08:02 PM
Instead of going into the long story of my sad life, I do need to vent a bit. There are two children in my family. My brother, who is an alcoholic and has a child he never planned on having, and moved to Cali and Fl (we are in PA) without telling them is the golden boy. He can do no wrong. He is 30years old. I am 32. I have no children. I am struggling in my life, and so is he but my parents think nothing of helping him with whatever he needs. Need your car fixed, here is some money... Let me get you AAA while I'm at it. Wanna come over almost every night in the week for dinner, help yourself!!

Me on the other hand, I need help paying my $150/month student loan that they co-signed for. And every time I talk to my mother, she is giving me a guilt trip. NOTHING I ever do is good enough. I have spent all of my 32 years trying hard to please her. Until I have driven myself to insanity over it. "Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. ~Albert Einstein" I think I have finally reached my limit of trying to please her. I've extended an olive branch this Christmas to her. We will be going to see her and my father tomorrow. But I have already decided that if she starts into me, I'm leaving and then the ball will be in her court.

My husband says I need to get over the "golden child" issue. So I'm trying to just accept it and get on with my life.... I'm so tired of trying, but I just can't seem to "get over it".

Christmas has also never been a good time for me as a kid. (And since I work in retail, I HATE IT!) My birthday is in the middle of January. So I always got half of my presents for Christmas and they would save the other "half" for my birthday. Meanwhile my bro's b-day is in Oct. So since we lived pay check to pay check, it always seemed they had 10 months to save up to his birthday. I realize these may be petty things but I just can't seem to "get over it".

SunnieDebris
12-24-2012, 08:16 PM
Hey there, Shy,

I can totally relate to a sibling being treated vastly different than you. My sister and I have a similar past, and it's not as easy as saying "get over it", and knowing that would be best. Are you in therapy at all? Someone neutral to talk to can be very liberating. Hang in there!

Shyaamist
12-25-2012, 04:13 PM
OK... I made it through... not as bad as I thought it would be... but I could stand about 3 hours and I was done. Hubby was reminded tonight of just how much I AM NOT the golden child! That in and of itself is just an emotional drain... because for what ever reason, I just keep trying. I NEED TO STOP TRYING!

SunnieDebris
12-25-2012, 07:35 PM
Don't worry so much about your family talking trash to your husband about you. He probably has a firm understanding that they can be jerks. Three hours is a reasonable amount of time, I think, so job well done!