Yucky night.

[Jinaiya]

I don't expect help or a reply. I'm just here so I don't feel so abnormal and alone.

Have been on Zoloft for about a month now, roughly at 50mg. The first while up until recently actually was horrible. I couldnt sleep well, had anxiety all night. It's only been the last week or so where I felt better, had less panic and was able to sleep. Unfortunatly tonight, my panic is back full force. My heart started racing and pounding around 8pm tonight and has not stopped (it's 1:00am now). I am unable to fall asleep from fear that I simply wont wake up if I do. Deep down I'm fairly sure my heart is safe. I've had tests done in the last year, 2 ekg's, an ultrasound, and a holter monitor. I guess I'm typing this trying to make more of a point across to myself while I am freaking out. I'm not sure it's helping. My panic has me convinced I am dying. This is the horrible cycle I go through as I try to convince myself I am okay. It doesnt work too well with all the physical bullshit I feel.

I'm trying to relax... I've called a friend, tried watching a movie, playing video games. I'll calm down enough that I think I am ready to sleep and then it just starts all over again. I have tried to lay down 4 times tonight and I think I'm ready to just give up and stay up for the night.

Just checking my pulse quickly (but not timing it), I doubt my heart is going much faster than 80bpm right now, but it FEELS horrible. The chest feels antsy and almost cold, I FEEL panicky even though there is nothing to be afraid of. I wish I could just crawl out of this nightmare and run away.

Heh, just had a weird djavu (spelling?) of being on here a couple weeks ago typing about the same crap... :/ I really feel like I am losing my mind.

[Jinaiya]

Do you find that the feelings ( symptoms ) you have come in waves ??

I understand what you are saying, and I do believe I have in fact read this from you before, I promise you that I am taking advice and listening, its just that... well... I'm not sure what to think. When I went back to my doctor 2 weeks ago, she advised me to press on with the medication. I have been dealing with some fear to get my dosage to a theraputic level and her concern was throwing in the towel before we gave it a fair chance. She told me that she wanted to see me at 50mg for 6 weeks before she was willing to say that Zoloft was not the right drug for me. I am CLOSE to 50mg. I take 1 25mg pill and 3/4's of a second pill, have been for about a week. When I went in on monday for a check up, I told my doctor that I thought I may be making some headway, and that I was experiencing less anxiety. I was having little or no difficulty sleeping and went from having 3-4 panic attacks a day to maybe 1 (and a mild one at that). She was glad to hear it and said she thought I seemed much more relaxed. She said if we could try to get up to 75mg and keep it there for 6 months, that would be optimal. I'm not unwilling, I just don't want to rush myself because when I tried to go from 25mg to 50mg, my anxiety was horrific. I don't want that again. :/

As far as my symptoms coming in waves, I'm not really too sure. I'm fairly certain that tonights attack has stemmed from some health anxiety I am experiencing. But as I said, its been fairly under control recently. Is it normal to have breakthrough panic while on medication? Maybe that's all it is.

I'm feeling mostly calm at the moment, just have the yucky feeling in my chest and feel really tired. I wish I could just go lay down but I'm afraid to. :/

Thanks for responding to me, I really appreciate it.