I need someone to hear this and..just say something!

[XLogic]

I am 18, and i have been told by my psychologist i have anxiety disorder and depression, which he believes is due to my mental and physical abuse from my parents (who i now dont live with and only see occassionally).

I have an amazing girlfriend that i can talk to anything about, but in the last couple of weeks i have been feeling so angry and will just snap at anything and feel like she doesnt love me as much as i do her, or anytime she is with her friends i get i suppose jealous and and frustrated for no reason..sometimes i feel angry or upset all of a sudden for no apparent reason, or itll be for some ridiculous reason. Also when she is not with me i get panicky and i get stuck inside my mind and its like my mind is forcing me to think she is cheating on me, without me having any reason to think that, and i cant handle it. My mind puts negative thoughts into my head and i cant overcome them or hide from them, they just fill my head until i cant think of anything else, and i feel shaky, frustrated, scared all at the same time. I love making music but now i dont have any drive for anything, i avoid being social without knowing why, i cant control what i say or feel, what is happening to me?! I say things to my girlfriend that offend her sometimes and i know its not abusive things but theyre not nice to hear, like if i wanted her to do something and she said no then id manipulate her by saying things like, "i do this and that for you all the time, why cant you at least do that for me"/things saying she doesnt try as hard as i do. Its horrible and i dont want her to break up with me but i dont know where to start to stop me feeling like this! My psychologist has been away on a holiday and its been a fast downward spiral. I cant handle this i feel increasingly more and more like i am the loser of the world and if i died everyone would be better off.

Please someone just say something to me, like i dont know why im like this and i just want to hear someone say something about what ive said.

[XLogic]

Also, I feel like i am extremely sexual and have an extremely high labido, i feel frustrated when my girlfriend (who has a low labido) says no? I feel like my lack of confidence and self esteem caused her to feel not sexual and maybe she doesnt find me attractive? I know this isnt the case but i still think it..

[SunnieDebris]

I'm sorry that you are having such a hard time right now. You are not crazy, you are experiencing high levels of anxiety and depression. That's why you think dark thoughts, and have nervous feelings. It's ok! You have taken a bold first step in getting help and a diagnosis for your problems. That is no small task! You don't mention whether or not you are taking any medication, as I think that could help improve your situation. I also think journaling your thoughts and feelings would also help you get some of those negative thoughts out on paper, instead of out at your girlfriend. Let her know (once you decide) what you are doing to improve the situation. I'm sure she would appreciate it.

[dazza]

My experience with people who've had a rough childhood is that often they are overly sensitive, very needy and rely too heavily on others, emotionally.

I think they try too hard to get / regain the love they missed out on during childhood and this puts massive pressure on those closest to them later in life.

I had a lodger once who had a rough childhood. He turned out to be a complete nightmare.
Drinking every night... chatting about his problems until the early hours (while drinking) and wanted me to be his "brother".

I couldn't handle it and we had to go our separate ways after 4 months.
If I'd taken him on I would have had him clinging to me for the rest of my life and I didn't want or need that.

My advice is to try to understand the workings of someone who has not had the same experiences as yourself. Their levels of neediness and emotions are far lower.
Understand that emotional blackmail is only going to destroy relationships, not make them.

Just coz your partner doesn't want sex all the time it doesn't mean they don't want you.
They will love you as much as you love them back but don't push it.

Remember, very few want to / can take on others problems. Most people want as simple a life as possible.

I know this all sounds really harsh, but it's true.

Stick to a normal level and you'll be absolutely fine.
If you need to vent your deepest frustrations and problems - then a therapist is the best person to do so.
Sure, your partner will listen from time to time, but they won't want to hear it constantly - it'll drive them away.

Perhaps, though... she's not right for you. There's a chance that, anxiety and rough childhood aside, you're not actually compatible as people.
Just a thought.

Be nice to her. Give her the space she needs. Love her. Cherish her... but don't shackle her. Don't rely on her. Be more independant.

[XLogic]

Thankyou for the pointers i will try and do this. We do work i think because i was at the start of the relationship happy and confident, and we got along great, and we still do, its just the last couple of weeks ive started getting alot worse. Fingers crossed. I will try to do the relaxtion technique when i am frustrated so i can see problems clearly and forget about them, or at least until i write them down.

[dazza]

Thankyou for the pointers i will try and do this. We do work i think because i was at the start of the relationship happy and confident, and we got along great, and we still do, its just the last couple of weeks ive started getting alot worse. Fingers crossed. I will try to do the relaxtion technique when i am frustrated so i can see problems clearly and forget about them, or at least until i write them down.

Relaxation - good call.

Remember - all of us on here have our own issues. We're all dealing with anxiety in one form or another.
But also remember that - these issues are OUR issues, not anyone elses. We must deal with these ourselves. Yes, with SOME support from partners / family / friends but don't expect too much from those who don't suffer the same, they don't REALLY understand and it's NOT their fault!

[cbrownn91]

I agree with the guy that said it might have alot to do with your childhood. Also i'd like to say before I really started with panic attacks stuff I also was like this with my girlfriend at the time, its really just your anxiety making things 10x worse than they really are. It was like reading my diary from a year ago reading your post. Its really hard to put in words man, but you just kinda have to learn to just let go and don't over analyze things. Anxietys gonna show its ugly head in some form in all of us, some its as severe as being a hypochondriac and ocd and panic attacks, others, for lack of a better word are mild and will just be little things like how its affecting you and your girlfriend. Just learn to not listen to those outrageous assumptions in the back of your head and replace them with something positive when they appear. Hope I helped a little, I know how this feels man and it's no fun whatsoever.

[XLogic]

I agree with the guy that said it might have alot to do with your childhood. Also i'd like to say before I really started with panic attacks stuff I also was like this with my girlfriend at the time, its really just your anxiety making things 10x worse than they really are. It was like reading my diary from a year ago reading your post. Its really hard to put in words man, but you just kinda have to learn to just let go and don't over analyze things. Anxietys gonna show its ugly head in some form in all of us, some its as severe as being a hypochondriac and ocd and panic attacks, others, for lack of a better word are mild and will just be little things like how its affecting you and your girlfriend. Just learn to not listen to those outrageous assumptions in the back of your head and replace them with something positive when they appear. Hope I helped a little, I know how this feels man and it's no fun whatsoever.

Thankyou, this makes me feel more positive about getting past this. What type of positive things did you think when you got the assumptions? Because i try but i feel like its a small shot into a black sky, and i cant get past it.

[alankay]

You are just very irratible. Alanlay

[Barry B]

Hey man I've been feeling the same lately. It's tough. I get so frustrated at myself because I know I shouldn't be feeling like this, but have no control. My therapist tells me it's all about re-programming your brain to avoid thinking these thoughts. It's pretty mature of you to admit this about yourself. I've been hiding it for so long and have only just started seeing someone about them. Hope it works out for you man.

[XLogic]

Hey man I've been feeling the same lately. It's tough. I get so frustrated at myself because I know I shouldn't be feeling like this, but have no control. My therapist tells me it's all about re-programming your brain to avoid thinking these thoughts. It's pretty mature of you to admit this about yourself. I've been hiding it for so long and have only just started seeing someone about them. Hope it works out for you man.

This is exactly how i feel, and ive started to notice i get more frustrated when i get angry about feeling out of control of my emotions. Im definitely going to reprogram my thought patterns for sure, i can tell it will be hard, but infinitely worth it.