Well

[laurandisorder]

I finally split up from my partner. I thought I'd be freaking the f... out, but I just feel numb. And guilty.

I can't eat much. Probably taking in 500 calories or so a day (much of that in beer).

Does anyone have any advice on this kind situation? We were engaged, together 8.5 years and have a house to sell now.

I'm also really dead I had. To leave my dog :(

[laurandisorder]

Sad, rather than dead. :/

[laurandisorder]

I haven't told my family about the break up yet - they will be overjoyed they do not like or approve of my partner.

To make this whole situation worse, my sister got engaged today.

My anxiety and guilt is peaking out now. In myself, I'm jealous and kind of sad and numb all at the same time. I feel broken and damaged and incapable of repair. How the hell am I supposed to get through this? I have been with this person for over a quarter of my life. Not to mention the fact I am really worried about him and how he is doing. He goes into horrible depressive states and doesn't eat/drink/sleep...

Please, any advice for break ups? This was my first real relationship and I have never done this before.

For the first time in a long time today I felt the urge to self harm. This is alarming in itself. It has been a long long time since I have felt this way.

[josie359]

My advice is to sell the house that will take a haevy burden off u and with the money you get back you could buy a new dog this might make you feel a little better about leaving your dog and try and be happy for your sister mabye try and turn ur numbness into happiness for her and if its possible you could ring up ur ex if u r worried about him if u feel that that's ok

[josie359]

Ik breakups r hard but u will get through this just remember when u c something nice n the shops that might make you feel better just think ur worth it

[SunnieDebris]

Laura,

My first advice would be to stop drinking. That is not going to help your situation. I know that you are sad and scared, but now is the time to reach out to family and friends for support. Maybe you don't want to tell them because they'll say they told you so, or that you are better off without him. But they love you and want you to be happy. Loosing your puppy and your relationship right at the same time is tough. Have you heard of Ceasar Milan? He's the dog whisperer. He also lost his marriage and his best dog friend at the same time. He tried to kill himself. But now that he's had time to heal and reflect, he is happy again. You can be, too. Hang on and reach out, and please let us know how you're doing.

Sunnie

[laurandisorder]

Thanks so much sunnie. I didn't actually know that about Cesar Milan - I think he's an amazing man.

It's just really hard because I'm staying at my parents house - housesitting for them whilst they are in Bali and the only other person I have told is my BFF but she lives over 200km away - I get to see her on weekends.

I haven't told my sister - I was going to yesterday, but her and her lovely partner announced their engagement first and even though I know that they will be supportive, if not overjoyed that I am out of this toxic, codependent relationship, I didn't want to burst that balloon.

Work was hard today. I was really tense on the hour long drive down even though I took 3.5mg Valium beforehand, but I was able to eat a lot more normally. Well. Eat full stop. I cried a bit, luckily I was by myself. I suppose that's a normal part of the grieving process.

I guess I'm just scared - really scared of being alone. I haven't ever been by myself. I moved straight from my parents in with my partner and now I'm suddenly 30 and single and all of my friends are getting married and having babies. This wasn't supposed to happen to me.

Another part of me worries that there is something wrong with me that made my partner fall apart and our relationship crumble.

But thanks so much for your advice. I just have to keep on keeping on and stay busy for the meantime.

[dazza]

I'm not sure what's worse... anxiety or a long term break-up, let alone having to cope with both.
No wonder you're feeling "out of sorts" right now. I can only imagine how confused / lost / shit you feel and you have my sympathy.

It's funny how the "30" milestone comes into it. It's quite common for long-term couples to split when one or the other reaches this age.
Hitting 30 seems to trigger some self-assesments within people and provides the strength to finally admit that things aren't so good & need to change.

A similar thing happened to me at 30 and I have to say that, although it was my fault, I was a wreck for some 6 months after.
We'd ONLY JUST bought a frickin' house together too, which made matters even worse.

The above reply is right in that you NEED support. I turned to my direct family (parents).
Like you, I also started drinking EVERY night. It seemed the only way I could escape the depression of it all was to drink... although looking back, I don't think it actually helped that much.

But, you know what, you've made this decision for a reason. It'll all come good in the end - that's a promise from someone who's done it.

It's going to be tough, make no mistake. You'll likely hit rock bottom... at which point it turns around and you'll begin to climb up again.
At some point in the not too distant future, you'll wake up one morning and feel elated. Free and happy again. Happier than you have for a LONG time - so look forward to that.

If you were closer I'd take you out for a beer & a chat :-)
It helps to offload to people, believe me.