Can't Stand my life

[angeleyes01]

I am permanently tired both physically and mentally.
When i manage to sleep i don't want to get up again.
I have a really bad headache that won't shift and i can't concentrate my brain feels pickled.
7 years ago my father took a stroke and fell and broke his hip,he almost died.
But when he woke up he was not the same.So i have had to look after him.
Last Monday my mother had a mild stroke and is partially paralyzed(left hand and foot)
She was released from hospital today and now i have someone else to take care off.
I have 3 sisters and 1 brother who do very little.
One of my sisters helps during the day and i do the evenings.
The rest do very little and one of my other sisters rang a few days ago and said that we do very little just cook.
I am so depressed i just want to lie down and die.
I have had about as much as i can stand.
If it was not for my mother and father relying on me i think i would just end it

[Amr]

You are a soldier right there God Bless you. I Really do Respect you, Just stay tough in This hard world out there
Hopefully god will reward you one Day.
Have You done anything about your depression ? like therapy or pills.

[angeleyes01]

My doctor prescribed me Fluoxetine but does not seem to be helping.I am also sick myself, the hospital sent me a letter to make an appointment for tests but I have decided to give it a miss. Can't take time to go incase I end up in hospital myself and leave no one home

[angeleyes01]

My family is big but I feel alone. So I am taken for granted and I have no kids , the way the rest see it is I have no life. They take and take and give nothing back.

[n1ck13]

Your health is just as important! You need to get those tests done for yourself, there is usually a home nurse or respite centers that your local council can help you with so you can get the time to look after yourself too!
You are an absolute angel to look after your parents like that, no matter what your family says! You should be proud of yourself! But please don't make excuses to ignore your own health! It could be something that is easy to deal with now but if you ignore it will be more of a hassle later!
All the best! Chin up x

[star1234]

I agree with Nick. You are an angel. Perhaps this is your calling. My sister was the caretaker for both my parents for 20 years. Never been married and never had kids. We live in separate states. She dedicated her life to my parents and for that I love her more then words can say. My mom passed at 82 two months ago from heart failure and the last two years were the hardest for her. I would have given the world to be with both my parents taking care of them. I have a family and business in NJ which I could not leave to take care of them. The only thing I could do is be supportive to my sister and show her my appreciation. My dad is 84 alive and healthy. He is very independent but again we have to babysit him and watch that he doesn't fall. I don't know what I would have done without my sister. Now that my mom had passed she is spending more time on taking care of herself. She could have met someone its not as if she didn't have the opportunity but she choose her career and family first. I give you do much credit for what you do. I think it beautiful. However, you need to live too. You need to be healthy to take care of them. If you can get a nurse to come to the house a couple if hours a day do it and don't feel guilty. Guilty is for your brothers and dusters that don't do anything at all. Take that time and get a massage, a manicure and pedicure or catch a movie. God has a special place for people like you and my sister. Be strong!

[Amr]

Couldn't agree more with the above Two Comments, Treat Yourself like How you treat others.

[angeleyes01]

Thanks to you all for responding. When I first made my post I wanted to give up.I'm still not perfectly happy but last night me, my sister and my mum spent the night talking and laughing and it felt like old times. My dad would not leave his room but for the first time in almost 2 weeks it felt normal and we were happy again

[laura84]

glad to hear something happened that has made you smile and laugh again. Its sometimes amazing what even a small dose of this can do.

I agree as well with what everyone else has said. you are braver and stronger than I can ever imagine being. Its a cliche but try and keep your head up, you are still here so everything is never lost! and please please find the time to sort out your own health problems.

If you ever want to chat then feel free to message me. even if its just to vent your frustrations. it can do wonders.

[angeleyes01]

Thank you Laura. I want you all to know I love my family. But I have got to the point my nephews and nieces who I half raised no longer need me.The rest of my family I tried to please and you know what I no longer care whether they appreciate me or not, I will take care of my parents and hope to have more happy days.

[angeleyes01]

The day I posted my first post. Was the worst I have felt in my life and was actually so low I told 1 of my sisters and she panicked and rang round the rest of my family. That night some of them actually turned up to help.I don't talk to my family I bottle everything up and smile and pretend I am happy. The only one I talked to was my mum and I would never hurt her in any way.

[laura84]

Didnt that make you feel a little better? That they rushed round to help? They wouldnt do that if they didnt care about you.

I find it hard to speak to my family about this stuff too, even though we all get on so well and I love them all so much. It can be hard but also a relief to take a step like that.

[eliza]

Stay strong. I know how lonely it can get. Sometimes the "silence" can be deafening. Try meditation/yoga, it might help. You might also find someone to talk to