Anxiety Symptoms Help

[AntPid89]

Hello everyone this is my first post on this forum. i was just hoping to find someone who can help me recognise the problems im having and i suppose DIAGNOSE them in a way.

About year ago i started to have panic attacks these were a first for me in my life and was completely unsure of what it was that was happening to me, as i was over weight i presumed it was because of that. they then started to increase and then other things started to happen to me. this is what im here for i would like to no if its all anxiety symptoms or if i have another illness.

for about 8 months now i have really obsessive thoughts. It started off with i need to kill my girlfriend which i was really scared about i didn't see why i was thinking like this for no reason. i thought i was going to end up in prison for murder or something, i used to think this constantly from the moment i woke till the time i went to sleep. i used to sit there all day begging it to be time where i can get it bed and just stop all this. i slowly got over that not completely but they just wasn't as often, now for the past couple days its aim is now at my parents. i think i need to kill my parents. i imagine how id do it which is something i try to stop myself from thinking but just don't seem able to.

Ino reading this some people will think that im seriously disturbed but i'm just a normal 23 year old bloke and i have no desire to do these things like i imagine serial killers would, its not something i fantasise about doing in a sexual or even none sexual way. i just cant seem to stop it. i love my girlfriend and obviously love my parents but there is just something inside my head that thinks these things. in the day time i can mostly just shrug it off and think that's ridiculous but on the night its a major player in my thought process. again its not a desire to do it, its just my mind thinking about doing it. i suppose the only example i can give is like when a relative has a baby you want to just squeeze it don't you because of how cute the baby is but you don't squeeze because obviously you'll hurt them. i no that's a rubbish example that doesn't really explain but im just really trying to get across that i have not one desire to kill anyone in the world never mind my partner or family. i just have the thoughts.

Another thing i feel which is probably related to the previous is when there is a terrible thing happened. like recently that man who killed his partners grandchild i seem to think what about if i end up like that. or paedophiles, murderers, rapists anything terrible i hear about my mind think what about if i end in prison for doing this terrible things. its such a difficult thing for me to write all this because as i said up until a year ago i was just a 'normal' lad going about day to day life. now i have all these problems and i would like to no if its all anxiety based. or if i'm at the starting stages of being a psychopath.

Thank-you for your time in reading this i no its long but i just needed to get it all out. i have other weird symptoms i can think of as well i just don't want to make this post to long for people. thank-you again

[dazza]

Norman Bates!

As long as they stay thoughts and don't turn into an actual temptation then you're fine. Simple as.
You maybe a little depressed / down / anxious, in which case the brain tends to conjure up scenarios which fit your mood... that's all.

The trouble is... once you've locked on to such thoughts they're difficult to shake & tend to keep reoccuring.

Here's a viable reason:

Imagine what it's like to have a nasty car accident... or in fact, any trauma.
What happens to us after?

Well, we continue to be haunted by it for some time, yes? we are taumatized by it.

Likelyhood is that you happened to think this ONCE... and the thought was so hideous that you effectively self-created a trauma.
Now you're haunted by the trauma... and the thought of that trauma reoccurs.

Same after effects as a real trauma I reckon.

[Foggy123]

I know how you feel I was the same for quite some time thinking horrible horrible thoughts. I used to have to hide knifes in my own house, just because I used to think I would use them to hurt the people I love.
After putting up with these thoughts fir a couple of years I finally went to see my doctor, and as hard as it is I told him everything I was feeling.
He then said that I was suffering from OCD. Which basically I was obsessing over thoughts over and over again. He put on medication which I believe saved my life. I'm thirty and have been on my medication for over 10yrs, sure I still have very bad days but they are few and far between.
Have you talked to anyone?

[kelmar730]

In my opinion, it sounds like more than anxiety. And sometimes talking to a psychiatrist or a therapist, they help make sense of the feelings, or where they came from. Medication is very helpful and will help you live a more normal, non obsessive life. I have the obsessive thoughts when not on medication, of course over different things, but it's still a thought that you replay over and over in your head. Like I said, I find medicine, in my case, zoloft, to help me live my life more normally and not stress an obsess over silly things I make up in my head! Hope that helps somewhat..best wishes!

[mellymel]

I also have the same issue, it's tough to deal with but from what I see and hear, the thoughts are pretty common. I posted something similar last week and a few ppl were able to relate. Just keep telling yourself they are just thoughts, that seems to help me :)

[AntPid89]

Thank-you for all your comments. i have got in touch with my doctor yes as it is such a worrying thing for me in my life, as i said at the start i was just a 'normal' everyday bloke until all this. he has put me in touch with a group called healthy minds and im hoping they will help.

id like to also add here now i no i get a response from these posts. sometimes for a brief second. mostly when im tierd i have like a mad thing, its hard to explain its just like i look at whatever it maybe in front of me at the time and i feel like its not real. i dont no how to put this across haha it sounds so mad me writing it, its like ermmm. confusion i suppose. but its only for a couple of seconds.

does anyone have similar experiences ??

about a year ago i was with my friends and we wa all heavy cannabis smokers we smoked it for about 5 years daily. then the one day we decided to take it a step further (which is often the case with drug abuse) so we tried ecstasy. i beleave all these problems im having started from that point. i had a terrible experience on it where i felt very anxious and very paranoid. could that be the cause of my problems or did that just trigger something that was always there.

Thank-you again fr all your comments i hope my story doesn't make anyone feel uncomfortable.

[mellymel]

I also have that feeling, I think it's called derealization or something like that. As for the E I don't know never took it but I can tell u that my negative thoughts about hurting people got worse after smoking weed. It made my mind race even more and made me so paranoid. In fact I never had the thoughts prior to smoking every weekend. So I stopped because it made me so paranoid that I stopped enjoying my high. I would stay away from all that stuff if you haven't given it up already. I think that for some ppl those drugs can make anxiety worse, not necessarily cause it though because we usually have them as a child and the issues roar their ugly head as we get older.

[AntPid89]

Thank-you mel you have been a big help to me. thank-you very very much :)

[mellymel]

Your welcome :) anytime! Now if I could only make myself feel better haha

[AntPid89]

you will be fine, the worst thing about my problem is that i thought i was becoming a psycho. but after a lot of research and also the help from here. ive realised its on anxiety. we are not seriously mentally ill. yeah we might think we can go mad ad any time and end up in a mental institution. but it is only anxiety. that's all. that makes me really happy obviously id rather not have it. but in the filed of mental illness, anxiety is a little baby of a problem. any time you feel bad mel no matter what symptom its decides to show at that time. IT IS ONLY ANXIETY :)

[mellymel]

You are right! :) did you see my new post? Lol...it pretty much what I told you not to worry about...ahhh