dtm247
10-25-2012, 10:44 AM
Hi, this is the first time I have experienced any serious anxiety, though looking back on it, It has probably been building up for ages.
I teach (well, taught really) and although the hours are long (15+ per day) and the work is stressful, I enjoyed it and have lead a fairly successful career in the last 3 years. My (ex) fiance unfortunately made the situation even more stressful and the fact that we live 2 hours drive away from each other, coupled with the fact that she is busy (we would go 2 weeks without speaking occasionally due to her shift work) added to this. One thing went wrong the other day and I just snapped...
My fight or flight kicked in and suddenly it was like I wanted to escape my own skin. The mood swings were terrible, I didn't go in to work, I left my fiance and generally set upon a path of self destruction.
I've seen a doctor, now on Beta blockers which have been a temporary yet very hazy artificial release from this. However, the moment I think about work, people at work, the learners I taught, the building I taught in I can feel the anxiety / Fight or flight start kicking in and my legs just twitch and I can't face it. It's the same with my fiance too.
I don't know what to do, I have seen a doctor, got a sick note, my boss has offered to reduce my workload, I have booked an appointment with a therapist but none if it seems to be working too well. If I can't shift it, I risk throwing away everything I have worked for over the last 5 years of my life, being evicted, moving back in with parents who I don't really get on with and having to start from scratch which I am afraid may trigger depression. My head says "Do It! Do It! Take the opportunity!" and I know logically I can but my body is just saying "No!"
If anyone has any similar experiences, thoughts or insights I would love to hear anything. Having read some of the posts there are clearly people with a lot of experience and knowledge here. I am 26 if that is useful information.
Thanks for reading a very long first post...
I teach (well, taught really) and although the hours are long (15+ per day) and the work is stressful, I enjoyed it and have lead a fairly successful career in the last 3 years. My (ex) fiance unfortunately made the situation even more stressful and the fact that we live 2 hours drive away from each other, coupled with the fact that she is busy (we would go 2 weeks without speaking occasionally due to her shift work) added to this. One thing went wrong the other day and I just snapped...
My fight or flight kicked in and suddenly it was like I wanted to escape my own skin. The mood swings were terrible, I didn't go in to work, I left my fiance and generally set upon a path of self destruction.
I've seen a doctor, now on Beta blockers which have been a temporary yet very hazy artificial release from this. However, the moment I think about work, people at work, the learners I taught, the building I taught in I can feel the anxiety / Fight or flight start kicking in and my legs just twitch and I can't face it. It's the same with my fiance too.
I don't know what to do, I have seen a doctor, got a sick note, my boss has offered to reduce my workload, I have booked an appointment with a therapist but none if it seems to be working too well. If I can't shift it, I risk throwing away everything I have worked for over the last 5 years of my life, being evicted, moving back in with parents who I don't really get on with and having to start from scratch which I am afraid may trigger depression. My head says "Do It! Do It! Take the opportunity!" and I know logically I can but my body is just saying "No!"
If anyone has any similar experiences, thoughts or insights I would love to hear anything. Having read some of the posts there are clearly people with a lot of experience and knowledge here. I am 26 if that is useful information.
Thanks for reading a very long first post...