Deep Dark Hole

[m00n0wl]

Everything in life seems so dim and useless.
My whole family has disowned me so now I just have my husband and daughter which is great but I keep getting nasty thoughts of being alone one day and since i have no friends it's a high possibility and it scares me so much!!
That horrible dark feeling keeps creeping in and taking my breath away and then of course the panic attacks come on I don't know what to do anymore...
I don't feel like I belong here.
I'm scared of everything and think I'm grieving for the family I've just lost too my heart is broken.

[lsapphirel]

Hi there, first, welcome to the forum.

Second, have you read up the sticky?

Third, how did you put that avatar up?

[jhunter89]

Fourth: awesome hair!!

[lsapphirel]

Yeah and that too lol, if i have my hair like that, my husband will pull his hair and start screaming. Lol

[jhunter89]

I couldn't have it, as gorgeous as it is I couldn't be doing with all the attention it might bring

[Ejf]

You display a hidden confidence, I think alot of us wish we had!

[lsapphirel]

Jhunter, i actually had a fake photo hair of the same colour, only my hubby doesnt let me do it. Haha.

[jhunter89]

Sapphire.. It's your hair, wear it how you like!

[lsapphirel]

Haha, yeah, but i guess he has reasons for not wanting me to have this hair colour lol. But i have a pic! Im pretty much contented lol.

[jhunter89]

Lol. Post it! :)

[lsapphirel]

Hahaha. Maybe i will.

We are flooding moonowl's thread about pink hair lol.

[jhunter89]

Sorry moonowl! And welcome btw :)

[m00n0wl]

I change my hair colour all the time I couldn't even tell you what my natural colour is anymore. Glad you all seem to like the pink :) .
I'm enjoying the banter so feel free to gate crash my thread anytime.
My husband came home from work the other day and it's a running joke with us to see which wife he'll get on the day...blue,red,pink,black etc. But at least it keeps him on his toes..I hope?.
To the person who said I have hidden confidence..if it's there it must be covered in like 100ft of mud but thank you for having that belief.
As for the anxiety I know I'll get through it I just need to learn coping mechanisms.
Has anyone ever tried the The Linden Method? It's all about giving into the fear and letting it take control so that you can stop being afraid of it. It sounds really good but I'm too scared to try it.
anyhow it's a pleasure meeting you all it's nice to be in a place where people understand what it's like.

[Mmarriner34]

You display a hidden confidence, I think alot of us wish we had!

I agree with the confidence, good for you, keep doing what you love, that is pure confidence. Not to mention it looks amazing! Rough road, that Linden method sounds scary but maybe something that benefits? Its all in comfort though right?

[dazza]

Wow... amazing picture!

Funny how this thread has focused on your hair, when ironically, your hair might actually have some connection with the reason for you being here on this anxiety forum. Sounds odd? let me explain...

Wild hair styles + colour usually indicates that there's something unusual about the person. It normally indicates a hint of rebellion / an unwillingness to conform to the norm. of society and often tells a story of a troubled home life.
Facial piercings are also usually a sign of the above.

You might be wondering where I'm going with this...

Your quotes:

Everything in life seems so dim and useless. My whole family has disowned me
I don't feel like I belong here.
i have no friends

... pretty much said it all.


Am I right in presuming you've had a somewhat troubled childhood? rarely seeing eye-to-eye with your parents?

A difficult upbringing, for whatever reason, often takes it toll on the child(ren) in question. They often have to grow up quicker than they would have done otherwise and leave their parents home at an early age so as to build their own life... making up for the life / love that is lacking at home.

Sounds to me like you've got some depression going on, and are probably, generally confused over what life is all about?
A result of your difficult childhood.

Tackling your issues would best be achieved with a specialist therapist.

The worries / concerns / issues / anxieties which plague you are clouding your perspective on life and until these are resolved - you'll continue to feel negative.
You're too busy trying to work out why things seem so sh*t & useless, whereas in fact they're not... they just seem like it because you probably feel so let down.

You've probably felt lost, invisible & hurt for some time, which is why you've made your appearance so strikingly colourful and somewhat rebellious.

Maybe I've got it completely wrong... just thinking (typing) out loud! lol

[jhunter89]

I had a pretty good childhood and I would LOVE hair like that and piercings and tattoos (but I'm a very scared of pain) but I wouldn't be able handle people staring at me and people taking the piss (because let's face it, there are a LOT of dick heads out there) I used to be in the goth/alternative scene but I started to think how it might not suit me and people might be laughing at me or attack me in the street so I just dress in boring clothes.
Why have your family disowned you moonowl?

[dazza]

I went through a phase of wanting a tattoo not so long ago (and I'm 42!)
For me, I reckon this was more about the fact I was getting older and perhaps a tattoo would make me look or feel younger again, lol

Most peeps have tattoos these days - it seems to be an accepted fashion accessorie.

Tatts on girly folk are SUPER SEXY imo. Small one's mind... not like a feckin' great big dragon lickin' it's balls all down the arm and up the neck... I mean subtle / pretty.

Foot tattoos are awesome... summink really sexy about that :-)

[raggamuffin]

I think piercings, tattoos and hair colours are more a confidence issue. Relying on catching people's attention with appearance as opposed to persona. Most of my friends are dubbed "alternative" and there's some very open minded people. But there are also a heck of a lot of superficial and egotistical sorts. Oddly enough there's more cliches in appearance in the alternative community than many other social cliques. I've toned it down a lot from when I was younger. I used to have dreads for 7 years and piercings everywhere and ended up resenting all the attention it got me.

As for the Linden method, there's nothing scary about it other than the price. Well unless you get a torrent of it which I did. It's an ok method. Takes a bit from all sorts of methods to rid anxiety. Breathign techniques, meditation CD's. The main point however is avoidance. Burying your anxxiety, forgetting it's there etc. The whole 10 pillar approach is pretty self explanatory and nothing really new. Simply avoiding doctors, getting off medication, not relying on others for re-assurance etc.

As with CBT and other approaches it's not an overnight fix. His book has some good points to it, also if you pay the £100+ fee you have a helpline where you can speak to people if ever your anxiety gets bad etc which sounds like a nice approach.

Ed

[jhunter89]

tatts on girly folk are SUPER SEXY imo. Small one's mind... not like a feckin' great big dragon lickin' it's balls all down the arm and up the neck... I mean subtle / pretty.

I'd like sumink on each wrist wouldn't have a clue what though! And a Tongue piercing would be cool too but I imagine that hurts like HELL

[laurandisorder]

Hey Owl,

(and forum peeps!)

That deep dark hole sounds so familiar - a place I'm certain I have dug myself into and a place that I'm certain I'll go back to. Bleak day after day and really numb. It's depression. I get so so bad in fall/water. It could be seasonal, it could be situational or it could be biology. Its best to talk to someone of you can.

As for the hair/piercings/tattoos debate. I'm covered in the least conspicuous ways possible. Pierced tongue, small stretchers, belly button (used to have a lip ring), 5 tattoos. It's my way of expressing myself against a kind of strict childhood. But now my Mum has gotten started on the tattoos too!

Good luck hon x

[dazza]

Hey Owl,

(and forum peeps!)

That deep dark hole sounds so familiar - a place I'm certain I have dug myself into and a place that I'm certain I'll go back to. Bleak day after day and really numb. It's depression. I get so so bad in fall/water. It could be seasonal, it could be situational or it could be biology. Its best to talk to someone of you can.

As for the hair/piercings/tattoos debate. I'm covered in the least conspicuous ways possible. Pierced tongue, small stretchers, belly button (used to have a lip ring), 5 tattoos.

Ooooh HELLOOOOOO... mmmmm
;-)

[raggamuffin]

I'd like sumink on each wrist wouldn't have a clue what though! And a Tongue piercing would be cool too but I imagine that hurts like HELL

Tongue piercings do hurt. but it's the swelling later that is the horrid part. I'd rate it 3rd on the pain scale of piercings i've had. 2nd was nipple (the aching after that was well was horrendous). First oddly enough (and nobody I know has ever agreed with me) was belly button. Had 2 done at the same time and it was absolute agony.

But that's with piercings in general, the initial piercing is obviously sharp and quite intense. But immediately after comes an intense ache that just doesn't go away and it makes you feel pretty crap to be honest.

Ed

[jhunter89]

I've only ever had my ears done, had both lobes and both cartalidge, left em in for the required amount of time, cleaned them regularly and they still hurt when I took em out n I couldn't get em back in! And one went manky, perhaps piercings just don't agree with me!

[raggamuffin]

Maybe so lol. My first one's were ears. Cleaned them twice a day and had infection for weeks. Since then i've not cleaned any other piercings and they never got infected once and i've had over 20 since then.

Ed

[dazza]

Bloody hell, Ed... you must be a nightmare goin' through customs metal detectors!

Ut oh... please don't tell me you've got your "thingy" pierced 'n all?????

<crosses legs>

[lsapphirel]

Bloody hell, Ed... you must be a nightmare goin' through customs metal detectors!

Ut oh... please don't tell me you've got your "thingy" pierced 'n all?????

<crosses legs>

Lmaooooo!! Dazza!!

[lsapphirel]

Jhunter, im like you, im too chicken to have pain. Ive always wanted a rose with thorns and veins art on my back.

Anyways, moon, just fyi, my friends are only online, they are all over the world, and im comfy sharing my life with them, ive known them for a good of 5 years now. Never met them in person, but we share the deepest friendship ever.

[jhunter89]

lsapphirel, you've got kids i believe? I imagine giving birth to hurt 100x more than a tattoo! lol

[raggamuffin]

Same here, friends are online. Socializing needn't be considered the be all and end all to "having a life" as the socialites would have you believe.

No Dazza, I never wanted to get my tackle pierced. It's a finely tuned instrument, it doesn't need another hole in it :P

Ed

[lsapphirel]

lsapphirel, you've got kids i believe? I imagine giving birth to hurt 100x more than a tattoo! lol

I have 3 kids, all epidural normal birth but i have phobias with needles, and my goodness, so many needles!! They have to drug me to stop me from being super anxious.

[lsapphirel]

Ed, if i have real friends, i think my husband will start screaming, my friemds are all crazy partiers. When i met my husband, i didnt really hang out with anyone other than his friends.

Theres absolutely no space for me to have a me time. I end up making friends online but he doesnt like it lol. Well, he keeps working, i need to have friends of my own.

[firefly06]

I love my tatts and piercings!! :) and generally they are accepted well.. I don't have them all over my face or anything though, just to keep the people gawking to a minimum :P I took out my nose ring so I wouldn't have any easily visible piercings though so I've toned it down a bit. And I stopped dying my hair crazy colors and just leave it black now and occasionally red :) but I'm alot like Owl and he reminds me of me when I was younger, with the cute pink hair :) I'm only 29, but I feel alot older these days lol

[firefly06]

*She. (Stupid phone)

[dazza]

Same here, friends are online. Socializing needn't be considered the be all and end all to "having a life" as the socialites would have you believe.
Ed

Ed - I disagree with this, totally.

The very fact you would rather interact with people via a computer rather than in real life is highly likely connected to your anxiety issues.

There are certain traits us anxious folk seem to have in common to various degrees... one of them is often shyness or avoidance.
I was VERY shy as a kid... and to some degree, still am (unless pissed, then I'm an absolute animal, lol)... and I believe this is linked to my anxiety disorder.

(I recall the FEAR that overwhelmed me in school when I had to stand up in class to give a speech. I cannot help but link that childhood, irrational fear to my todays anxiety, irrational fears. Gotta be a connection?)

You will find that most who have anxiety disorder have also suffered shyness to some degree. I'd place money on it.

One way to avoid human interaction? use a computer...

NOT a good situation. I feel sorry for the latest generation of techy kids.

We're losing the ability to interact / to communicate properly / to have fun / to love / to live through technology I reckon.
It has its benefits, but I think it's having some devastating side effects on our brains.

Just take a look around you...

[dazza]

Ed, if i have real friends, i think my husband will start screaming, my friemds are all crazy partiers. When i met my husband, i didnt really hang out with anyone other than his friends.

Theres absolutely no space for me to have a me time. I end up making friends online but he doesnt like it lol. Well, he keeps working, i need to have friends of my own.

No offense poppet, but your husband sounds like a control freak / jealous type.

Be careful... these type of people often have serious, underlying personality issues which may bite you hard in the ass one day.

[jhunter89]

The only way I can talk to people is online. On here I may seem quite sociable but I cannot speak to people face to face :(

[raggamuffin]

Nope, I can easily talk to people in public without any worries or issues. I just prefer to talk to people online because it means I don't have to travel to Cambridge to see other people seeing as my old friends from Haddenham are all stoners who don't really care to visit now that i'm sober. I don't think talking to people is any less valid than talking to people in real life. Provided you don't create some sort of alter ego for the online world, and actually stay true to yourself and your own persona

Ed

[lsapphirel]

No offense poppet, but your husband sounds like a control freak / jealous type.

Be careful... these type of people often have serious, underlying personality issues which may bite you hard in the ass one day.

Not at all offended dazza, he is not a control type, he is however a jealous type. But of course, you need to give and take in relationships to make it work. His issue is, he is a workaholic spends less time with me and kids and he doesnt feel good when i dress up, and deff hates it when men looks at me. but we made a pact, he can ogle at girls, as long as he is ok with me dressing just like that girl. ;)

Used to be a little too much for me to handle, but he got better after i threw a fit. I had too, it was overly jealousy, i feel suffocated.

[firefly06]

Jealousy= tool to manipulate = control (At least in every controlling man I've ever seen)

[lsapphirel]

Jealousy= tool to manipulate = control (At least in every controlling man I've ever seen)

Ive threatened to leave him and the kids, he knows not to push my buttons. Actually, ive left twice, mean of me. But the marriage was dying, he kept working, i need attention, sad, but i need his attention he wasnt there. I dont want to be a house slave or sex slave. It was horrible.

Had a long abusive relationship before, and i dont plan to let it happen again. I told him i can no longer be the perfect housewife and mother. Its either we compromise, or its over.

Im a very stubborn woman, of course id have to be stubborn and rebellious, i grew up alone since 9yrs old. Its a survival mode for me daily.
Marriage is a routine, and if only 1 person is working on it, its done. Both needs to keep the fire burning with passion and keep the sparks alive. If its always me, im bloody tired to keep pleasing people. Someone needs to please me too ya know.

[dazza]

Oooh i dunno... nothing wrong with bein a sex slave... think id quite like it ;-)

[jhunter89]

Oooh i dunno... nothing wrong with bein a sex slave... think id quite like it ;-)

You'd quite like to be her husbands sex slave? :-/ well... Whatever turns ya on ;)

:-P

[lsapphirel]

Jhunter!! Lololol!! Dazza, tsk tsk.

[jhunter89]

Lol. This thread has just gone completely off topic! Haha

[dazza]

Lol. This thread has just gone completely off topic! Haha

Course it has.. the very title "DEEP DARK HOLE" had this thread going only one way from the outset.. lmao

[dazza]

Course it has.. the very title "DEEP DARK HOLE" had this thread going only one way from the outset.. lmao

Try starting a thread titled "SAUSAGE" & see how far that gets lol

[raggamuffin]

Can't have sausage without mash.

Ed

[jhunter89]

Good point Daz pmsl

[lsapphirel]

Omg, rofl!!! Dazza you need a brain wash.

[Alexandra Davenport]

Everything in life seems so dim and useless.
My whole family has disowned me so now I just have my husband and daughter which is great but I keep getting nasty thoughts of being alone one day and since i have no friends it's a high possibility and it scares me so much!!
That horrible dark feeling keeps creeping in and taking my breath away and then of course the panic attacks come on I don't know what to do anymore...
I don't feel like I belong here.
I'm scared of everything and think I'm grieving for the family I've just lost too my heart is broken.


Hi, my name is Jess. I'd just like to point out the fact she's using a fake picture. That is my friend Tiffany or Tuff Barbie HP. I think it's actually really creepy she's using someone elses picture and is trying to say its her.. I don't know how to report this or I would. Here is Tuff's real facebook for reference.. I don't know why this woman is trying to say Tiff is her.. Or that she's married and has children, because Tiff doesn't that life.

facebook(dot)com/xBarbieHatesPink

She would kindly apprentice if this post was taken down.

[Barbie Hates Pink]

M00n0wl is a fake js.

[artaud]

I'd just like to point out the fact she's using a fake picture. That is my friend Tiffany or Tuff Barbie HP. I think it's actually really creepy she's using someone elses picture and is trying to say its her..

Not being an expert in such things, and using an Android App to interface with this site, I must say that after looking at the picture you described (if I understand correctly) I thought it was just an Avatar. It's not unusual to use images that catch our attention, such as mine, it's been my experience that many people do not use their own image, or use only a partial face if they do, that it's not uncommon for men to choose a female screen name and Avatar (that's why I always laugh when a guy seems to be warming-up to a particular forum member (I'm not limiting my comments to this site), you have no idea if it's another guy. If I we're a woman, I'd consider using a male screen name and Avatar, and I'm sure some do.

There is a "Report This Post" link in the Android App, merely click-on the Title Bar of the offending post and the option pops up. But reporting is no guarantee of action. Rather than pursue that avenue, did you Private Message the offender, or place a post to them detailing your concerns?

Just a thought.

[artaud]

I don't know how to report this or I would....She would kindly apprentice if this post was taken down.

I went to the web site, the Avatar is much bigger than in the app.

Below the Avatar on the web site is a Triangle with an Exclamation Point in it. Click on that and it opens the "Report This Post" dialog box, look at the bottom of the page it takes you to. See if that helps.

Still, try contacting the member and asking them to change their Avatar if it is indeed not their image.