singledad22
09-30-2012, 03:59 PM
Hello everyone I just wanted to drop a note to kind of introduce myself and get a little support.
Let me paint you a brief picture. I am a single dad with two wonderful girls. I've been single for about 3 years now, and my relationship with their mother is amicable, but I feel like I had a fair amount of mess to clean up afterwards. We were together just shy of 11 years.
Fast forward to today, in the last few years I've seen a couple of different women intimately, and the first went okay. I guess I have a real hangup about my relationships with women, my ex wasn't right for me, or perhaps some of both.
I was intimate with a second woman early this year (it's been months since anything "interesting" happened, at least, in the real world, so to speak). I saw a post on Facebook about a relative who had had her tubes tied, so she thought, who was expecting another kid. Somehow, this triggered me back to something of a personal crisis when I learned of our second child (my ex and I) who wasn't really intended. Somehow, my mind locked into the thought of "Oh God, my current interest will have the same thing happen, and it'd be way worse!" (both of the women I've been intimate with since my ex were both fixed, and done with having their kids) (obviously), but only the second involvement, after the FB post, triggered this anxiety. This was in January.
I was in a huge tail spin at first. I lost a bunch of weight because I wasn't eating much (upset stomach), not sleeping well, and being troubled by bad night-visions (a bit much to call them nightmares) of the fact that my current interest could have possibly been pregnant.
I shared my fears with her, and she told me "no way, I've had two periods since then" and "I can't have anymore kids, my last one almost killed me (complicated pregnancy). Even she became concerned with my well being. So, I entered counseling, and I got a medical once-over to check for other issues. Aside from being a bit on the heavier side, I was told that my overall numbers were pretty good.
I had a moment one Friday Night when I just couldn't stand it anymore. I didn't have my kids, (it was ex time anyhow), and I had to call my mom to come hang with me in the ER. I logically knew they'd give me a benzo and probably send me on my way, but I was just shaking. I went to the doc and got a scrip for benzos. I didn't like the way they made me "half-dead". It wasnt' cutting it, so I chose to take the next step, 20mg prozac. I'm no stranger to SSRI's (Lexapro was so-so, Cymbalta was...well..interesting...but it was more for Fibromyalgia (also an issue for me).
I wasn't eating or drinking very well and I felt some urinary pain so I went to a redi-care to get looked at. They Dx'd a UTI, but also tested me for common STD's (clap and GC). I got some meds to treat it and I wasn't feeling 100% better (what I felt wasn't quick enough, anyway) and I worried hard-core that I had gotten something I'd have to tell her about. I came back clean after about 4 days, but damn those 4 days were hard. Gradually the meds started working (I guess?) and I was able to return to normal-ish function (both on the UTI and the mental health). Thankfully my ex was not employed so she had time to take the kids, and I had just gotten my tax return so I had money to live on while I was out of it for a few weeks, so at least that part was good timing. I was in a 12 week counseling program and dealt with some of the origins of my anxiety (so the therapist said.) A fair amount of it in my family, esp. some family members who was basically convinced everyone was out to get us.
After a while, I told my current interest that I needed to back off and just "be me". She's respected that, and occasionally calls/messages me. She invited me to see her at a music/art fest thing where she was working. She mentioned she had just given blood. So of course, my mind races to the next thing where she was gonna call me and tell me she had HIV or something after the standard testing they do. That was in June. I called the red cross to see how long it would take to get a "bad news" call. They said about a week, if you get no call, no worries. I have to assume here that if she had any bad news she would have told me by now (on either issue). The funny thing is - none of this really came up with the previous woman I'd been with (we remain friends).
So a fair amount of time has passed since then and sometimes these two things still pop into my mind and try to drive me crazy. She called me recently inviting me to hang out (she deals with a lot of issues herself, losing a close loved one to sudden cancer, and PTSD from some assault). So I have a really hard time knowing if she's just being herself (dealing with her own issues, not to be dismissive) or has some kind of bad news she's waiting to drop on me. (irrational, right?, because why would she wait so long?)
So perhaps by some sort of association, any contact I have with her seems to set me off and I have work really hard on being "normal" for a while after she talks to me. I've worked extremely hard to not let her know that this happens, she's got enough baggage. I have to believe that she would be on the level with me if anything was wrong. She's a single parent too, and her kids are first in her life, as are mine.
Anyway, am I crazy? Am I hyperfocusing? Is she somehow a "trigger" for me now? Ugh. I need some advice.
Thank you!
Let me paint you a brief picture. I am a single dad with two wonderful girls. I've been single for about 3 years now, and my relationship with their mother is amicable, but I feel like I had a fair amount of mess to clean up afterwards. We were together just shy of 11 years.
Fast forward to today, in the last few years I've seen a couple of different women intimately, and the first went okay. I guess I have a real hangup about my relationships with women, my ex wasn't right for me, or perhaps some of both.
I was intimate with a second woman early this year (it's been months since anything "interesting" happened, at least, in the real world, so to speak). I saw a post on Facebook about a relative who had had her tubes tied, so she thought, who was expecting another kid. Somehow, this triggered me back to something of a personal crisis when I learned of our second child (my ex and I) who wasn't really intended. Somehow, my mind locked into the thought of "Oh God, my current interest will have the same thing happen, and it'd be way worse!" (both of the women I've been intimate with since my ex were both fixed, and done with having their kids) (obviously), but only the second involvement, after the FB post, triggered this anxiety. This was in January.
I was in a huge tail spin at first. I lost a bunch of weight because I wasn't eating much (upset stomach), not sleeping well, and being troubled by bad night-visions (a bit much to call them nightmares) of the fact that my current interest could have possibly been pregnant.
I shared my fears with her, and she told me "no way, I've had two periods since then" and "I can't have anymore kids, my last one almost killed me (complicated pregnancy). Even she became concerned with my well being. So, I entered counseling, and I got a medical once-over to check for other issues. Aside from being a bit on the heavier side, I was told that my overall numbers were pretty good.
I had a moment one Friday Night when I just couldn't stand it anymore. I didn't have my kids, (it was ex time anyhow), and I had to call my mom to come hang with me in the ER. I logically knew they'd give me a benzo and probably send me on my way, but I was just shaking. I went to the doc and got a scrip for benzos. I didn't like the way they made me "half-dead". It wasnt' cutting it, so I chose to take the next step, 20mg prozac. I'm no stranger to SSRI's (Lexapro was so-so, Cymbalta was...well..interesting...but it was more for Fibromyalgia (also an issue for me).
I wasn't eating or drinking very well and I felt some urinary pain so I went to a redi-care to get looked at. They Dx'd a UTI, but also tested me for common STD's (clap and GC). I got some meds to treat it and I wasn't feeling 100% better (what I felt wasn't quick enough, anyway) and I worried hard-core that I had gotten something I'd have to tell her about. I came back clean after about 4 days, but damn those 4 days were hard. Gradually the meds started working (I guess?) and I was able to return to normal-ish function (both on the UTI and the mental health). Thankfully my ex was not employed so she had time to take the kids, and I had just gotten my tax return so I had money to live on while I was out of it for a few weeks, so at least that part was good timing. I was in a 12 week counseling program and dealt with some of the origins of my anxiety (so the therapist said.) A fair amount of it in my family, esp. some family members who was basically convinced everyone was out to get us.
After a while, I told my current interest that I needed to back off and just "be me". She's respected that, and occasionally calls/messages me. She invited me to see her at a music/art fest thing where she was working. She mentioned she had just given blood. So of course, my mind races to the next thing where she was gonna call me and tell me she had HIV or something after the standard testing they do. That was in June. I called the red cross to see how long it would take to get a "bad news" call. They said about a week, if you get no call, no worries. I have to assume here that if she had any bad news she would have told me by now (on either issue). The funny thing is - none of this really came up with the previous woman I'd been with (we remain friends).
So a fair amount of time has passed since then and sometimes these two things still pop into my mind and try to drive me crazy. She called me recently inviting me to hang out (she deals with a lot of issues herself, losing a close loved one to sudden cancer, and PTSD from some assault). So I have a really hard time knowing if she's just being herself (dealing with her own issues, not to be dismissive) or has some kind of bad news she's waiting to drop on me. (irrational, right?, because why would she wait so long?)
So perhaps by some sort of association, any contact I have with her seems to set me off and I have work really hard on being "normal" for a while after she talks to me. I've worked extremely hard to not let her know that this happens, she's got enough baggage. I have to believe that she would be on the level with me if anything was wrong. She's a single parent too, and her kids are first in her life, as are mine.
Anyway, am I crazy? Am I hyperfocusing? Is she somehow a "trigger" for me now? Ugh. I need some advice.
Thank you!