Coritou
09-29-2012, 11:56 AM
Hello everyone,
Last night I had a realization that the issues I have are not going to just go away. Maybe I can control them, but since I do not have any health insurance whatsoever, or the finances to afford any sort of medication or counseling, I have to find some other means of letting everything out and hopefully getting some sort of help.
I'm 21 years old, currently enrolled in community college (full time, 16 credit hours) to try and do something with my life. I've been on my own and away from my family for almost three years now (in a different state) and it's been really hard, but somehow I'm still alive and not doing nearly as bad as I could be. All my life I've had anxiety problems, but to my knowledge I have never been diagnosed with anything. I see myself as having social anxiety disorder as I have all of the symptoms. Being around a lot of people just doesn't work for me, I always want to be alone and away from the crowd, even when it came to my own family. I constantly fear others are talking about me or judging me and it really gets to me. I've also suffered from depression for quite some time now; my feelings toward my situation, upbringing, and the fact that I don't feel I am where I should be at this point in my life, are really eating away at me and making it hard to function every day. My life isn't awful, but it's just really inconvenient: No car because I have no money, no money because I have no job, no job because I don't have transportation.
I'm currently in a long distance relationship which seems to have amplified my anxiety through the roof. She's currently attending college in another state and I'm hoping to move there either later in the year or next year, depending on if I can come up with the money somehow and also find a place to stay, close to where she is. Although I've known her for nearly a decade, it's really hard for me to trust her and that she will stay with me. Her life is so perfect compared to mine and I find myself becoming extremely anxious, jealous, paranoid, and fearing that she will find someone else who has a life that matches her own. All of these feelings along with my feelings of inadequacy are tearing me apart. My anxiety and depression take me to the point of losing my appetite completely, and not wanting to drink anything or even sleep.
Whether it's some sort of anxiety disorder or depression disorder, it comes (more often than I'd like) and goes. But when it does come, I sometimes get to the point of thoughts of suicide. Medication or counseling, again, are out of the question unless I find a job with good benefits or win the lottery. I really need friends, but I live in kind of a desolate area and don't know anyone, or have the money to really go out and do anything. So the web is really all I have... I apologize for the lengthy post, but I wanted to give a little personal background on myself while at the same time trying to provide some insight to my problems.
Thank you, to anyone who cares and takes the time to read. :D
Last night I had a realization that the issues I have are not going to just go away. Maybe I can control them, but since I do not have any health insurance whatsoever, or the finances to afford any sort of medication or counseling, I have to find some other means of letting everything out and hopefully getting some sort of help.
I'm 21 years old, currently enrolled in community college (full time, 16 credit hours) to try and do something with my life. I've been on my own and away from my family for almost three years now (in a different state) and it's been really hard, but somehow I'm still alive and not doing nearly as bad as I could be. All my life I've had anxiety problems, but to my knowledge I have never been diagnosed with anything. I see myself as having social anxiety disorder as I have all of the symptoms. Being around a lot of people just doesn't work for me, I always want to be alone and away from the crowd, even when it came to my own family. I constantly fear others are talking about me or judging me and it really gets to me. I've also suffered from depression for quite some time now; my feelings toward my situation, upbringing, and the fact that I don't feel I am where I should be at this point in my life, are really eating away at me and making it hard to function every day. My life isn't awful, but it's just really inconvenient: No car because I have no money, no money because I have no job, no job because I don't have transportation.
I'm currently in a long distance relationship which seems to have amplified my anxiety through the roof. She's currently attending college in another state and I'm hoping to move there either later in the year or next year, depending on if I can come up with the money somehow and also find a place to stay, close to where she is. Although I've known her for nearly a decade, it's really hard for me to trust her and that she will stay with me. Her life is so perfect compared to mine and I find myself becoming extremely anxious, jealous, paranoid, and fearing that she will find someone else who has a life that matches her own. All of these feelings along with my feelings of inadequacy are tearing me apart. My anxiety and depression take me to the point of losing my appetite completely, and not wanting to drink anything or even sleep.
Whether it's some sort of anxiety disorder or depression disorder, it comes (more often than I'd like) and goes. But when it does come, I sometimes get to the point of thoughts of suicide. Medication or counseling, again, are out of the question unless I find a job with good benefits or win the lottery. I really need friends, but I live in kind of a desolate area and don't know anyone, or have the money to really go out and do anything. So the web is really all I have... I apologize for the lengthy post, but I wanted to give a little personal background on myself while at the same time trying to provide some insight to my problems.
Thank you, to anyone who cares and takes the time to read. :D