TheDude
09-20-2012, 03:18 PM
If you don't mind, I'm just going to dive right into my story. I'm basically trying to figure out if life events are causing me stress, or the fact I tried shrooms...
So I've basically been having a bad year. I went through a really bad breakup after finding out my girlfriend was cheating on me, and found out a few of my friends knew and didn't tell me, then outcasted me for getting upset about it. My parents have decided to get a divorce, and I know now that the house I've lived in for all but four years of my life won't be home for much longer. I dropped out of college in the spring when I was trying to deal with the news. This summer I was smoking way too much pot. Also, on June 27th, I tried shrooms at my friends house...
The first half was too intense for me and really scary, though the second half was complete bliss and I'm pretty sure that's why I don't really have depression anymore. Life carried on as normal for about a month, until I had my first ever panic attack before going into work. I had smoked the night before, and I was paranoid everyone was going to know I was still half-baked. I rested that day, and life continued as normal again until the fifth of this month when I had another panic attack. This one was a day after going to my friends house where we did the shrooms, and I was getting ready for work. Then, I had a third panic attack on the seventh when I got home from that same friend's house and drinking a coffee to help me wake up so I could drive home.
The next few days I was experience high anxiety, almost panicking. I was afraid I was going insane, because when I get my panic attacks, I experience derealization. I start seeing stars, I get tunnel vision, my heart rate goes up, and I become, well, terrified. It feels so unreal. I saw my physician that monday and they prescribed me Prozac and some medication to take in case I get another panic attack, which thankfully I haven't had since then. However, ever since those last two panic attacks, my anxiety has been worse than before. I think I'm afraid of having another panic attack. I'm not going to college this semester and all my friends are, and my job never gives me enough hours, so I'm always home alone. I've been coping by watching a lot of TV.
I used to be sure that the shrooms exposed my anxiety to me, however, my general anxious feelings came months after doing them which makes me think maybe its not. When I'm having fun I'm fine, but my anxiety makes me do a lot of worrying. I worry about my future a lot. When I experienced those last two panic attacks I was afraid I was going insane. That's been quieted a fair amount, but I'm still worried about my future. My parents are going to be divorced and I'll probably have to move. I'm not even making it paycheck to paycheck, and I'm not in college right now, so I've just been at home or with the same friends I've always hung out with, except a lot less because they're in college.
So... was shrooms what triggered my anxiety, or was it everything else? I should also mention that I've always been sort of an introvert, and my mom has anxiety. I don't know if I'm agoraphobic, having post-traumatic stress from the panic attacks, or what. I just really need answers.
So I've basically been having a bad year. I went through a really bad breakup after finding out my girlfriend was cheating on me, and found out a few of my friends knew and didn't tell me, then outcasted me for getting upset about it. My parents have decided to get a divorce, and I know now that the house I've lived in for all but four years of my life won't be home for much longer. I dropped out of college in the spring when I was trying to deal with the news. This summer I was smoking way too much pot. Also, on June 27th, I tried shrooms at my friends house...
The first half was too intense for me and really scary, though the second half was complete bliss and I'm pretty sure that's why I don't really have depression anymore. Life carried on as normal for about a month, until I had my first ever panic attack before going into work. I had smoked the night before, and I was paranoid everyone was going to know I was still half-baked. I rested that day, and life continued as normal again until the fifth of this month when I had another panic attack. This one was a day after going to my friends house where we did the shrooms, and I was getting ready for work. Then, I had a third panic attack on the seventh when I got home from that same friend's house and drinking a coffee to help me wake up so I could drive home.
The next few days I was experience high anxiety, almost panicking. I was afraid I was going insane, because when I get my panic attacks, I experience derealization. I start seeing stars, I get tunnel vision, my heart rate goes up, and I become, well, terrified. It feels so unreal. I saw my physician that monday and they prescribed me Prozac and some medication to take in case I get another panic attack, which thankfully I haven't had since then. However, ever since those last two panic attacks, my anxiety has been worse than before. I think I'm afraid of having another panic attack. I'm not going to college this semester and all my friends are, and my job never gives me enough hours, so I'm always home alone. I've been coping by watching a lot of TV.
I used to be sure that the shrooms exposed my anxiety to me, however, my general anxious feelings came months after doing them which makes me think maybe its not. When I'm having fun I'm fine, but my anxiety makes me do a lot of worrying. I worry about my future a lot. When I experienced those last two panic attacks I was afraid I was going insane. That's been quieted a fair amount, but I'm still worried about my future. My parents are going to be divorced and I'll probably have to move. I'm not even making it paycheck to paycheck, and I'm not in college right now, so I've just been at home or with the same friends I've always hung out with, except a lot less because they're in college.
So... was shrooms what triggered my anxiety, or was it everything else? I should also mention that I've always been sort of an introvert, and my mom has anxiety. I don't know if I'm agoraphobic, having post-traumatic stress from the panic attacks, or what. I just really need answers.