This version of me says Hi

[owl]

Hello,

I'm new here.

I've been dealing with anxiety for a long time now. It's manifested in a lot of different ways over the years. I've had the shakes, sweaty palms, stuttering, avoidance of eye contact, blank facial expression, panic attacks, friendlessness. I still can't pinpoint the reason for the onset of my anxiety, if there's a reason at all.

Right now my biggest goal has been in becoming more sociable. The symptoms of my affliction have made me very hesitant to make new friends because one of my biggest fears is to be misunderstood. I barely understand my anxiety myself, so how can I expect anyone else to understand it? But I don't want people to know this version of me anyway. I want them to meet me without my anxiety. I'm much better that way. When I'm with friends or family, I'm at a level of comfort where a lot of my fear is just gone. At those times, I'm kinder, more graceful, clever, funny, playful, even somewhat charming. My problem is with new people. And the problem with that is that most people are new people.

There's a lot of stuff I'm dealing with right now and it's only making me more anxious. My sophomore year of college and living with an ever-more-irritable father have been stressing me out. My dad wants me to move out and my school wants me to fork over the rest of my savings. I want to at least have some friends at college.

It's so messy in my head. I want this to be the year of the breakthrough. I don't want to feel this way any more.

[StopTheMadness]

Hi, if you don't mind me asking, what have you done so far to try to alleviate it?

[owl]

If I've been feeling anxious for no reason, I exercise, dance, or listen to music. That works well to change my state of mind most times.

When it's not possible to just stand up and dance, like during class, I just 'freeze' my brain. I stop thinking of anything. I zone out. That gets rid of the anxious thoughts but it also gets rid of useful thoughts. By pretending to be somewhere else, I can trick my brain for a little way. This technique kinda sucks because in class I can come off as spacey when I'm just trying to calm myself down.

I don't know if dietary supplements are legit, but I take a magnesium supplement daily. When I remember, I take fish oil pills. I take a sleeping pill when my mind can't calm down and let me sleep.

I haven't gone to a doctor so most of the stuff I've tried to include in my anti-anxiety treatment has come off the internet or through trial and error. I had to train myself to freeze my brain. I don't have the funds to see a professional. I think I've been doing ok dealing with it on my own. There are some things I just can't control, like my sweaty palms and fear of eye contact. I can force eye contact but I wish it came naturally to me.

[Enduronman]

Irritable father=genetic predisposition to have anxiety. He isnt making things any better or easier for you either. You've got a couple choices to make and asap.
1. Either sit down with yer Dad and tell him nicely to STFU and stay off yer a** please. You've gotta "calm" the home life somehow, you'll be amazed at how much internalized stress this places you under and then causes this anxiety and adrenal overload.
2. If that won't work or isnt an option, then move out and in with a close friend. A friendship that isnt "holy s**t" all the time will be a great help to you.

No funds for a professional sucks, because it appears that you need an actual scrip. I could throw out 10 different "natural" supplements but by the time you get all them together you may has well went to see a Dr. Plus, supplements are only useful to those who finally have an understanding of what's going on with themselves.. I personally take around 22 to 23 different ones each day. I feel pretty good for a Grandfather, 30 yrs const work, and also 2 diseases.

Also, make arrangements to speak to your school councelor too. A free service to you..be open with them too.

Enduronman..

[owl]

1. My relationship with my dad is not so good. I'm not sure I can yell at him lol. I have told him that his anxiety causes me anxiety but it is hard to get to him.
2. Moving out is my ideal solution. I am saving up money for it. The sooner I move out, the better.

My school offers two free therapy sessions. I think I will take advantage of it. However, two doesn't seem like enough.

Do you think I should put money towards seeing a counselor or a therapist?

Thanks for your advice so far.