hey guys :) hope everyones okay!

[camilla91]

Hello you lot,
Just came to check on everyone.. And fill u in on what's been going on in my life..
I'm not 'fixed' but bloody getting there!
At college now, its hard and that perfect for me because it keep my mind focused.
There's a few certain people on this site that wrote to me the day I said I'd split from my partner because he let my son down, one put something about him being the reason for my anxiety.. At the time I didn't believe him, thought how could he be? I've been with him 5 years.. Well..
Yesterday he wanted the baby for an hour.. (An hour?!! I said 2 he agreed) after dropping baby off at his he was at my house like 20 minutes later? I refused to answer the door, after hearing 'fucking slag I know your in there' a thousand times who would? Anyway he cane back a little bit later, with the baby and sat outside my house.. I went in the kitchen and asked him what he wanted.. 'Open the fucking door now' was his reply. I said no.. He bust my window. No idea how, just stuck his fingers underneath and popped it open. Then stuck his hand in and opened the bigger window, when I tried to shut it he ragged me by my hair, I managed to get away he then posted my son through the window, the second I put him on floor I looked up and he cracked me in nose with a toy tractor. It killed. Then he threw a bottle of pop that hit me on the arm.. All this because I wouldn't open my door?
Anyway long story short, he popped my nose. It bled. I called the police. And I'll see the bastard in court. As for my poor son? He'll not see that nasty piece of work again, until he sorts himself out and even then it will be supervised.
I'm fuming, but laughing. He proved exactly what he was. A using abusive, nasty bastard. And yes the person that told me this was 100 percent right! Strange how other people can see things we can't?
Anyway hope everyones okay, thank u all for ur support! It means a lot and I don't think I'd be here now without it.
He tried to break me for years. The names. The beatings. The mental abuse.
Its made me fucking stronger.
I'll smile when I see him in court. And I'll smile forever after. He's lost everything. And I can do anything. Its me and my son against the world now!

[jhunter89]

Oh my god! Is he likely to get sent to prison? I hope so!

[camilla91]

I hope so too but I doubt it, he's never been to court for anything, but hopefully they take all the other domestic violence thingys into consideration.
I actually have no feelings towards him, there's only anger for what he's made my son witness.
Its okay because when he gets older I can show him what his daddys did.
At some point in his life he's going to regret what he's done.
I just hope its soon xx

[jhunter89]

Hopefully the little un is too young to really know whats goin on. I'll keep my fingers crossed that punk gets what he deserves xx

[Enduronman]

He's going to get his turn..better keep an eye on his blowhole! He was a (chronic external stress input) and he will now pay a bigger price for being a f**kin idiot. I do hope things calm down around there and kinda doubt he will return especially if you have restraining orders in your country, file it and file it asap while yer infuriated so the courts will make you and your sons environment safe!..Also, thank you for the reply on my wall thread and hopefully while I was in your dream I looked like Arnold Schwartzenegger cuz he's my idol!!.. She wont be back around here, but thats ok because its best for us both. I had done, and said harmful things that I can never undo or unsay and sorry just doesnt stop her thoughts and then she brings them up again out of the blue, after I'd already forgotten the issue. I can not relive the past, or hear about the past over, and over again..Quite frankly, I'm ashamed, remorseful, and feel terrible for what I did say and my actions too. A woman in her position doesnt need a fella with a f**ked up life and mind like mine, so..thats the end. I am completely ok with that too and she will no longer have fear of my threats or inability to control my explosive disorder either. Live, and learn...meow

[dazza]

One word...

begins with C

ends in UNT

lol

[camilla91]

Thanks you 3, means a lot..
Things have got to get better haven't they?
That's a good idea about the restraining order I'm definately going to do that.
My strange friend I'm sad to hear that. I'm upset for u! She sounds like me. When he used to upset me, he'd apologise, be amazing for a few days, then it would be straight back to how it was. I'd sit there and think 'he did that to me, acted okay for a few days and is now acting like nothing happened?' So I'd bring it up again, probably just to get him to start being a 'good' partner again.
I'm upset your being so down on yourself, its not all your fault you know, it built up and was bound to explode. You've admitted it, accepted it and apologised, what more can u do?
I think you control your disorders brilliantly. I REALLY REALLY do. Especially since you have schitzophrenia. Your an amazing and caring person. We can all see it on here. You got mad. We all do it. Don't be so hard on yourself. If she can't forgive you for something so small (and it is something small, you basically shouted at her, probably at the most scared her) then it probably wasn't meant to be. She should know you enough to know you wouldn't hurt her.
I feel bad for you. Stop punishing yourself for something you can't fix, your like me, we like to control things, when they go wrong we blame ourselves even if we weren't to blame. But your crazy, strange and unbelievably strong. You'll come out fighting (like your idol lol)
On that note, I'm sorry you didn't look like arnold, in my dream I only saw your name and me typing 'my strange friend' LOL so thought I'd better check on things. Glad I did now!
I'll say it one more time for us both.
Things can only get better :D

[Enduronman]

Yes, definately get the order to keep him away from you both. As far as the issue with my ladyfriend goes, I have exploded many times prior to this last event and I can't even believe what I said to her either but I'm forced to relive it as its been brought up twice already. Then, it causes me heartache because no woman should have to hear that or be spoken to like that in any situation. The fact is that I let this disease/disability/handicap cause me great mental stresses and then it added to the infuritation. I do care about people, and her, and everyone here but the fact of the matter is that when I am that mad, angry, or upset, I am in a state of psychosis and dont even know who, what, where, why ,how...nothing. I cant see, I cant hear, all I do is rage until the issue is gone, departed, dead, or I'm already locking myself into another room or the workshop to protect others. I will and I must take the blame for this one. She is a harmless, non-threatening, kind, compassionate, woman and she doesnt need a ticking Viking timebomb in her life. It'll be fine Camelllllllliiiiiiiiaaaaaa91!.. :)