I am so scared

[Worriedmummy]

I have a huge issue about death i'm scared so much someone I love will die I admit I am obsessed about it. I am 25 and am married with two beautiful little girls ages 2 and 4. I sit and think all day about ifs..... What if someone breaks into the house what if there is a fire what if one of my babys gets out of the house while i'm sleeping what if my husband doesn't make it home what if he has an accident at work. I think about these things in great detail every single picture flashing in my mind It has gotten so bad I sit up most of the night I can't sleep I sit on the computer and read stories about people losing thier children or spouses on forums . And I cry and cry and cry. The other day I tried to call my sister and mother who live in another state and no one would answer thier phones and I sat for the next hour figuring out how I would get home when someone called me and told me thier was an accident. If my husband is late getting home I start to panic and hyperventilate. I have to control everything around me and I feel this has caused me not to be able to get close to my children I'm so worried about something happening I make them play in thier bedroom most of the day. I know I shouldn't live like this I know its wrong but I can't stop I don't have insurance and can't afford medicine or a theripist and no one understands me i'm absolutly sweet one minute then my husband says i'm a completly different person the next he actually called me a bipolar bitch today during a fight. I need help but I can't get it....

[hoppipolla]

:(

i'm sorry to hear about that, but i'm sure what lies behind it is perfectly healthy and nice - you care about the wellbeing of those close to you :)

But hmm... i guess it's a tricky mindset because once you're in it, your mind will be in this state of emergency that something MIGHT happen, and it's probably very difficult to get out of it.

But the thing is, like in the case with your children, if you keep them indoors a lot ok they won't die or come to much harm, but they also won't be living life to the full and that's important too :)

I mean, perhaps specific therapy geared at this is the best way, but if that isn't feasible then i guess i would suggest (and i don't have any qualifications or anything i'm really just trying to think it through and give the best advice i can) finding ways to calm your mind and allow it to settle into a stable state and the way things are, and not deal with emergencies or bad situations until they actually HAPPEN. Of course you need a degree of caution, but that will come naturally :)

i mean, i know i always suggest meditation and alternative therapies to people, but i just think they do it more naturally and gently than western medical approaches which i think are too harsh. Would you be interested in things like that? Tai Chi and things might help too. Than maybe you could encourage your children to play in more natural surroundings away from roads and pavements where there is more chance they could get hurt, do you have any good parks or fields or small woods nearby?

sorry i know i suggest odd things - i'm a hippy at heart hehe :mrgreen:

[Sf1]

Hi
I would really like to try and help my email addy is [email protected]

[Worriedmummy]

Thank you for replying. Its good to know people care what you are going through. I guess I know its a normal things for moms to worry I think my problem that has been spiraling for years is that I take it past worrying to obsession. I have finally begun to realize i'm freaking out for no reason and am trying to take steps to recover myself before my children learn from me and grow up to be big messes themselves. Something I worry about constantly. I had a horrible dream last night where my daughter drowned because I wasn't watching her close enough. I immediately got up woke her to make sure she was alright and got on the computer and started looking up ways to prevent it so it wouldn't happened to handle it if it did happen and looking up stories of what other parents went through when it happened to them. It took my daughter coming up and saying "What wrong mommy, You K?" for me to realize she is right here she is fine and i'm acting like a moron. for me to come here and talk about it. I think i'll go play Sims for a bit till I feel better. I can worry about them instead of everything else

[hoppipolla]

aww that's sweet imagining your daughter coming up and saying that - do they worry when you feel anxious about them?

i still think it's so nice that you care so much, even if it does lead to obsession. I mean, think how many parents out there neglect their children or treat them badly? They have a mother who almost loves and cares about them TOO much, if that's possible hehe :)

maybe it's worth just experimenting with different things that might help, everything from relaxation techniques to therapy techniques to medication to ... well, everything, keep an open mind and think about what things could be causing it or making it worse, and what might ease it or tackle the causes to make it better.

i think i've suggested all that i can in the last post though but if i think of more i'll let you know :)

[myra]

I don't want to sound mean, but maybe you should stop looking at the forums where people have lost loved ones. That might help get the idea out of your head.

I have the same problem, too. Except mine is WebMD. It's a catalyst for disaster!! LOL!

[Worriedmummy]

Don't worry Myra it wasn't mean its true. Actually I realized not only am I feeding the fire but i'm intruding on those peoples greiving processes even though I havn't said anything to them they are there for each other and not for me. I went through my bookmarks and deleted all the sites I had been looking at. And added a bunch of sites about deppresion and anxiety. There are lots of things that still trigger my attacks but talking about it on these boards has been very freeing. Hoppi They do noticed when i'm having an attack and they do their best to make me feel better it actually is not good though cuz it makes me more upset for them to see me that way because then I freak out about them seeing me that way. I do love my children I almost feel like I am to attached and love my family to the point where it is unhealthy they are my life I don't have anything aside from them. especially since we moved here to new mexico to states away from his and my family 4 months ago. By the way have you guys been to a site called Mental earth(this site won't allow me to post a link to it so you'll have to look it up) They have really good forums there with lots of people I notice that this forum doesn't have a lot of people. I don't want to take people from here but it doesn't hurt to go to both places.