Anxious & Frozen with Fear

[littlelightning]

I am new here. Having repeated episodes of anxiety that makes me hide. I am a professional in my career and have been able to keep this under control until my work environment became quite hostile and the leadership turned against me for wanting to do the right thing in some serious issues. I love my work and will not leave. But I dread the walk down the hall to my office. So I can't get out of beg. And when I do I can't move from where ever I'm sitting. I feel frozen with fear. Here's the really strange part - I am afraid of the shower now. I feel a very high level of anxiety towards the shower??? I've never done that before. It started about 3 months ago. It is 10:30 and I still haven't gotten ready for work. I don't want to lose my job!!! What can I do???

[littlelightning]

I decided to take PTO today. Didn't solve my problem with my anxiety though. I'm lying in bed and hiding from the world. Ugh!!!

[alankay]

Anxiety is finding a release via the shower. The shower may represent the coming of a workday or the anticipation of it. It has nothing to do with work proper......you just may associate it with then next going to work which put you in a situation that provokes anxiety. It proceeds anxiety on work days and thus the association. It could be driving in, having breakfast, approaching the front door of work, etc. Have you seen a counselor and tried a confidential employee assistance program(which are confidential...I know...I used ours years ago). It helped. Alankay

[littlelightning]

Alankay,
That's good insight. I don't fear water at all. It's the act of moving towards something that causes such hurt and pain. I tried talking to the person that was supposed to be the hr person and they told the people that I was having trouble with. Those people made it real personal after that. It took a lot to admit that I was having anxiety and then to be betrayed that way. I am a very private person so it has been humiliating for me and feeding my anxiety more.

I haven't tried for another counselor. I don't trust people that way. I don't like the idea of using medication. My doctor prescribed Xanax but I haven't filled the rx.

I am fearful of using my insurance for this and having a medical record of this. The stigma, it following me throughout my professional career. So no I haven't really made any forward movement until I found this forum today.

Thanks for your insight.