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View Full Version : Some insight as to where anxiety will lead you, if you allow it to control you..



Enduronman
08-22-2012, 03:54 PM
Good evening.

Yes, it is I again! Mr. WTF just happened? As you may have already read many times before, I have been everywhere that many of you are now and also to places that you do not wish to go also. Anxiety pretty much ruled my entire life and I lived an entire life in anxiety mode or in my case "Attack Mode". My mind, my thoughts, my internal organs were all (1) finely tuned attacking machine. Only problem, no one to attack. My whole existence, life, person, being, was living in (Chronic Stress State). You know these "panic attacks" you all speak of? My body was in constant "Protect the Vital Organs Mode" exactly the same as what a gladiator, a soldier, an MMA fighter, or anyone you can think of that would be or feel like they're under some sort of threat. Next problem, there was NO threat, there is NO threat..there never was A threat to begin with...I no longer live in that "State of Mind and Body"..I'm out.

Now, where did this condition or disorder eventually lead me? To disease..The first was called (trigeminal neuralgia). There are only 150,000 cases of this in my entire country. 25% of those confirmed cases were male. A rare disease in my case. It hurt like hell. It felt like someone had placed a clothing iron, on high, on the side of my head..and I could not remove it. Constant burning sensation, and no you could not see it, the Dr. could not see it..no one could see it. Just like anxiety..Invisible, but pain like I had never felt. It did not pass for 30 days, and no medications would work to do anything for it either.

The next disease is called (rheumatoid arthritis). There are 3 million cases of this in my country, out of 300 million people. Again, 25% of these cases are male. This one was unreal. I couldnt move my own hands. I couldnt feed myself as the food would flip off the fork from tremors. I'd never had tremors before. It felt like I was hit by a truck, thrown off of a 3 story building, something was shocking me like an electrical cord that someone would plug in for a few seconds, and then pull out of the wall socket. At times, it was like an invisible force would strike a knee, a wrist, my hand, an ankle..with the force of a baseball bat, or a sledgehammer. Again,...invisible just like anxiety, just like the TN mentioned above. Pain like I have never known..This one would not let go for over 70 days, and NO pain medications would touch it either..

So, If you're wondering where (anxiety, fear, phobias, disorders, conditions) will eventually lead you? This is where you will end up if your conditions are ignored, avoided, and you allow "it" to control you..

This was my final battles with anxiety and his forces..These battles left me disabled but I am recovering. This is the "Hell on Earth" that you will experience, feel, sense, and not understand. I did understand, I do understand...Read this until YOU understand..


Enduron Man.

duqgrad
08-22-2012, 08:30 PM
I basically lost or at the very least am on the verge of losing my family because of an illness that I knew very little about. This past weekend my wife took the kids and left me. I'm literately at the lowest point in my life. Two years ago she had left because of the same situation. Back then I attended therapy and it was working. They moved back in and I thought I had been cured. I stopped going to therapy and overtime I was up to my old ways. My problem is that I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and never realized the extent of my issue nor did the doctors actually take the time to explain it to me. Fast forward two years and I'm in the same boat as I was back then. I thought I was on top of things. Well I wasn't. My problem is that in almost any situation I immediately focus on the worst case scenario and I can't get it out of my head. This leads to a continual conversation that I in my head with myself about the worst case scenario of any situation. This causes stress, anger and me blaming everyone else for the issues that I created in my head. Right now every minute is a struggle. I literately had everything I wanted. I have a amazing wife and two beautiful kids. WHY DID I STOP THERAPY! This is the question I ask myself a thousand times a day.

On the bright side I know I have an illness and it will effect me the rest of my life. Sounds weird but to me it was a big step in admitting it and really believing it. I have committed myself to therapy. I want to be the husband and father that I know I can be. I want to be supportive and loving. I want to defeat my condition. I'm committed to my family and I love them dearly. I WILL be there for them regardless of there feelings toward me. The vows I made during our wedding I plan on keeping.

Enduronman
08-22-2012, 09:45 PM
I know exactly where you are friend, been there. Mind, body, soul, condition, family disarray,..all of it. I will PM some of the tools you will find useful that has helped me with this over-adundance of conditions and disorders. Basically,..it seems that I have everything that ends with a D..plus throw in some schizo and that kinda puts icing on the cake. A cake that I had to learn to eat daily, and I don't like cake. There are ways to make this work, to get you back to where you once were. The thing you'll need to find is the other part of your mind that was not permitted nor allowed to help you interpret or perceive many of the things that put you where you are. Its there, we just gotta find it. Its the only thing that kept me from, lets just say places that no one on this forum would wish to be..

I'll be in contact tomorrow Duqgrad.

You will succeed friend.

Enduronman..

Enduronman
08-22-2012, 09:45 PM
I know exactly where you are friend, been there. Mind, body, soul, condition, family disarray,..all of it. I will PM some of the tools you will find useful that has helped me with this over-adundance of conditions and disorders. Basically,..it seems that I have everything that ends with a D..plus throw in some schizo and that kinda puts icing on the cake. A cake that I had to learn to eat daily, and I don't like cake. There are ways to make this work, to get you back to where you once were. The thing you'll need to find is the other part of your mind that was not permitted nor allowed to help you interpret or perceive many of the things that put you where you are. Its there, we just gotta find it. Its the only thing that kept me from, lets just say places that no one on this forum would wish to be..

I'll be in contact tomorrow Duqgrad.

You will succeed friend.

Enduronman..