Come so far and now feeling that it is now in the bin

[Change_01]

Hi,
I am new to the forum. Where do I begin?

A bit about me
I am British Asian. Come from a Single Family Household. Come from a household that barely has any money (on benefits). I am a student and have a counselor, psychologist and on medication. To the outside world, I have a persona to mask my insecurities. I am different character- it is how I coped. In fact, my family don't know I have appointments and on medication.

Come so Far
I come so far. Tomorrow, I got a job interview and I want this job because I need money. I feel like I will mess it up like I mess up everything else in life. To me, this is an opportunity, I want badly. I dont stay unemployed.

Confidence
I lack confidence. I don't have confidence. I always put myself down. For the first time, I feel like I can do something to help with my confidence. My problem is me mam. I love my mum but in many ways I feel she is a block to building my confidence. I want to feel good, I want to take up activities (like going to the gym). I am fat, ugly and disgusting. I want to go to the gym to feel good about myself. I want to change and refresh myself. I feel like it will help my confidence.
I tried to talk to her. It is in one ear and out the other. It is her way and no way.
If I did it behind her back and she found out. I knw what to expect. She will put me down, she will call everyone up and tell them how terrible of a son I am. How bad I am? How humiliated she is? She will do that. It really hurts me. She doesn't see the problem with doing that. I can't reason with her. I want to cry now cos I come so far and now I just taking steps and there is a big block of wood in the way.

Sorry if I don't make sense, I just needed to my thoughts across.

[Fashoom]

It's a shame -- our families should love and support us. When they don't -- we blame ourselves. It's the root of self-hatred. It goes back to very early childhood, and the pattern repeats and repeats.

When we get older we need to learn to place boundaries between ourselves and family members when the relationship is bad for our health. We still love them of course, but we need some space to stay safe -- a protective zone if you will. Not everyone will understand, and there will be lots of words, but it is our right to take care of our health and be mindful of the emotional pain that -- sadly -- only those close to us can inflict.

[Matt C]

Hi,
I am new to the forum. Where do I begin?

A bit about me
I am British Asian. Come from a Single Family Household. Come from a household that barely has any money (on benefits). I am a student and have a counselor, psychologist and on medication. To the outside world, I have a persona to mask my insecurities. I am different character- it is how I coped. In fact, my family don't know I have appointments and on medication.

Come so Far
I come so far. Tomorrow, I got a job interview and I want this job because I need money. I feel like I will mess it up like I mess up everything else in life. To me, this is an opportunity, I want badly. I dont stay unemployed.

Confidence
I lack confidence. I don't have confidence. I always put myself down. For the first time, I feel like I can do something to help with my confidence. My problem is me mam. I love my mum but in many ways I feel she is a block to building my confidence. I want to feel good, I want to take up activities (like going to the gym). I am fat, ugly and disgusting. I want to go to the gym to feel good about myself. I want to change and refresh myself. I feel like it will help my confidence.
I tried to talk to her. It is in one ear and out the other. It is her way and no way.
If I did it behind her back and she found out. I knw what to expect. She will put me down, she will call everyone up and tell them how terrible of a son I am. How bad I am? How humiliated she is? She will do that. It really hurts me. She doesn't see the problem with doing that. I can't reason with her. I want to cry now cos I come so far and now I just taking steps and there is a big block of wood in the way.

Sorry if I don't make sense, I just needed to my thoughts across.

Hi Change_01,

I am going to say first... from the limited info I have about you, it's hard to make an accurate assessment, but I have some clues as to what's going on here, and I think I might have a few ideas of what's happening.

There's a film you might like called 'Water Boy' it's an Adam Sandler film. Here's the point... 1) It's funny, which is always good when things get serious, it'll help you break the pattern 2) It outlines that sometimes our parents know we should grow and do new things, but are afraid to lose the closeness, afraid you'll grow beyond them and leave them behind. I get the feeling your Mum is scared of losing you, and is holding on to you, and keeping you close with scare tactics, because she herself is scared of losing you.

Watch that film... You'll see that sometimes that kind of closeness will only choke the life out of a relationship, it shows how parents doing this always leads to their children keeping part of their life 'behind closed doors'. It also shows there are other alternatives, and the end of that film will show you one of them.

Anyway, if you want to talk more about this, we're always here Change_01 :)

All the best. Matt

[salevietasia]

It's a shame -- our families should love and support us. When they don't -- we blame ourselves. It's the root of self-hatred. It goes back to very early childhood, and the pattern repeats and repeats.