Please help me understand...

[Sallyelizabeth24]

Hello,

My name is Sally and I am 21 years old

I need some help in understanding if what I am experiencing is anxiety. My fiancé says he is worried about me and wants me to go to the doctors to seek help. But I just feel that the way I'm feeling is stupid and that it's just something I need to get over.

I have never suffered with anxiety before until recently.

On the 1st of August last year me and my fiancé moved into our own home. This all went well and I was relatively happy, a little homesick but nothing to be worried about. A few weeks later we went on holiday with my parents for two weeks. When we came back and had to go back to work I started having these crying spells and didn't want to be left alone. I missed my parents a lot and generally felt miserable. But this only lasted a few weeks and I was back t normal.

This year in may we went on holiday this time without my parents. Again upon our return and back to work I began to feel down again, but this time it was much worse. I missed my parents again even though I see them at least twice a week and they only live a 5 minute walk away from us. I dreaded my fiancé leaving me alone and would always cry at the thought of it. We both work shifts and sometimes this means we can be on opposites. I will sometimes cry and beg him not leave me and once he has called in sick just to keep me happy. I feel awful about this but can't control my emotions at the time.

This week I have been my worse as my parents have left today to go on holiday for 16 nights. I am extremely worried at the moment how I am going to cope without seeing them for that long.

Last night we had a tear goodbye and I came home and cried for hours. Barely slept at all and then was up at 6am to leave for work. Again I cried a lot and breathing became difficult. When saying goodbye to my fiancé I experience. Pain in my neck and shoulders I think from crying so much and being so tense. Im finding it so hard to settle at the moment and falling to sleep proves very difficult.

I can be fine for a few hours until I have time to think about things and then i just well up and can't control the crying.

I don't know if all this is some kind of anxiety or what. But I would really appreciate people's opinions on what you think is wrong withe me and any suggestions on how to get past this

Many thanks :)

[alankay]

Sally, you may be a bit depressed. You mention crying, feeling down, homesick, missed parents, hard to sleep and so sound like more of a depressed mood. You also mention tense and worried but I think you sound like a low mood more so that a distressed(anxious) one. Sure you could be a bit anxious as well and they can go hand in hand.
Yep, you are moving in another part of life and that could be bringing on a period of adjustment......a tough period that might settle out OK in time.
I might start out with a counselor just to get all this off your chest. Get it out in the open. Try to sort it out. It's OK to go through times and struggle ........we all do. Count your blessings of having parents, a husband who cares and work to bring you some sense of worth and purpose as well as income and security. You're moving into young adulthood that can be a hard transition but you will be OK. Consider a counselor/psychologist and do not be afraid to talk this all over with very close friends/relatives. If this is interrupting your life more than a little see your doc and tell him/her everything and go from there. Trust me there is help and better days out there for you. PM me any time at all. Alankay

[IceBat]

hey there sally. sorry to hear you're in distress. my mother lives out of state and when i would return home from visiting her, i would go through a few weeks of extreme sadness and crying spells. similarly, i am a 25 yr old woman, in a long term stable relationship with my boyfriend. so, for me, it wasn't like i had no one in my life - but i still felt lonely or alone and i would get very sad if my boyfriend would leave. (not to such a degree that you describe but similar). my parents have been divorced wince i was a toddler and to this day i find moments in my life where i feel a strong detachment from them and a feeling of longing/missing them. i think a lot of it has to do with "coming of age" if you will. we are too old to be a child but not yet mature enough to feel independent from our parents. does that make any sense? it's kind of like the soul is struggling to transform into adulthood. (that's sounds really lame but hopefully you get the picture).

it's sounds like you have a strong fear of being alone and while the crying spells tend to make me think you could be suffering from "depression", the fear makes me believe what you're experiencing is anxiety. depression can make you feel the way you describe, but anxiety absolutely can too. i feel depression as more of a withdrawal from life rather than an intense fear of something. i think you chose the right forum. in your case, i think counseling could be very helpful if you feel emotionally overwhelmed. i strongly encourage you to treat your symptoms holistically before turning to anti-depressants. since this hasn't been a life-long struggle for you, i think drugs would be too rash of a decision at this point. all the best to you.

[Enduronman]

Welcome Sally, and good evening Capt. and Co. Capt.

It is a pleasure being in your presence, and hope I am welcome to comment as well.

Yes, in 100% agreement with the Super, and Senior Mod. A "Depressed" state of mind for sure. A sadness, sense of loss, detachment, something taken away, removed from life, grief, despair, heavy heart feeling, in mourning...even though your parents are a 5 min walk away, and you visit with them twice a week. hmmmm..My semi-retarded brain is going in all sorts of different directions at the moment and I'm trying to decipher what is of actual value or use to you at the moment. All I can do is type what your posted words make me feel..sense, think. Everyone here has their own individual and uniques style of trying to help, advise, suggest, offer opinions to those seeking it. I generally like to learn additonal details that are not always offered to me intially, that helps me to get a better understanding or basis for what I'm seeing in words.

I don't like seeing that you are in this state of mind for such a long time and obviously creating some difficulties in your own new relationship with your soon to be husband. I can also see his distress too as he doesn't understand nor quite know what to say or do to make it better for you. He himself may be also feeling abit helpless as well, which is why you are here. Looking for something useful, some knowledge, to help you and he both understand what the heck is going on?...

It is all the words (feelings) above that are making this condition go on, and on.. They're all grouped up together in one giant feeling, yet they're still scattered all about within your mind. Difficult to see them from your own perspective. Looking at them from the outside/inside has always prooved useful for me. In fact, I did that again today. I had to figure out a plan for myself, and the only way to do that is to look at me, from the outside..It isn't that difficult to do, you should try this when you have time. Heck, ask your soon to be spouse to assist also and tell him on the front end that he WILL NOT be punished or penalized for his honest, outside, opinions and views.

As much I don't wish to type this following sentence, I am being compelled to do so. It is as if both of your parents have passed away, yet their literally alive, well, a part of your life, and in all reality..right next door. Maybe you could see why I would wish to be typing these words if you give it some thought?..

In closing, I would like permission to ask you 1 question Sally? The answer to this question will tell me how much bearing weight that your depressed mood has placed upon you and it will also tell me how this unwanted and uninvited disorder may have arrived anyway...

Are you their only child Sally?.. You don't have to reply if you wish not to, I am just overly curious and inquisitive at times.

Best wishes, hope, and prayers to you as its the most I can really offer.


Kindest regards,
Enduronman. (Christoph)

[Sallyelizabeth24]

Thank you for all your comments they are much appreciated.

This has been my first step in trying to found out what I'm suffering from if anything.

Yes I am an only child.

Maybe it is depression but I struggle to think what i have to be depressed about and this is what makes me feel stupid. I don't like to worry anyone by telling them how I feel or waste anyone's time with what to me seems something silly.

Thanks again.

[Enduronman]

Dear Sally,

Af's most highly decorated warriors of this battle against The Army of Anxiety, a Senior Staff member, and one of our Junior Staff members took our time to help you to understand why you feel the way that you do. We are all Veterans of disorders of the mind, regardless of ranking, position, or seat being held according to amount of offered information, opinions, advice, suggestions to help those in need. Those such as yourself. As you state, "first step" in trying to find out why you're suffering? All of (our) opinions are right before your eyes to view.

Now, I had to ask that (1) question of you in order to confirm what I already thought to be true. As I also stated, it will provide me with the exact way to feel, sense, the same amount of "bearing weight" load that you do. I now do, I now understand, I now know the real answer to your simple question but yet I can now also answer this question in greater detail. There were certain things, characteristics, behaviors, that I saw within your first post that compelled me to ask the question that I had too..or you would never, ever, learn nor be offered the exact answer that you're about to read. I too have seen therapist, councelors, psychologist in the past. Only to realize that I had never found nor met with one that would "say it like it is", "tell me the straight-forward answer regardless of how hard you're trying to avoid that, out of fear that I may be upset by their words"...They weren't willing to lose a cleint, patient, and didn't want to offend me either because of how they "assumed" or "speculated" as to how my mind would respond to it. If my mind were open to their to thoughts, or closed to their thoughts..was going to dictate my actions, reactions, or results..Keep that in mind in regards to yourself because if you ignore and desregard these words, then this "feeling" you have will never leave you and it will wreak havoc and cause distruction throughout the rest of your entire life..No doubt about it, this is assured, and I offer this to(help) you to recover and not to make you feel bad in any way, shape, form...It is the key to your release. Toss it, or use it to open the door..your choice.

The fact that you are their only child had provided you with all the care, control, attention, needs, comfort, that you could ever wish for..in every way.

The problem is that you did not nor were you subjected too many other variables, dynamics, instances, events, that others in familys with siblings were subjected too..

Taking everything that I have read in words and narrowing it down to the probable cause of this "feeling" was interesting, and another learning experience for me as well..even though I'm a man with more mental disorders then any single (1) person you'll ever meet, I'm very intuitive...to an extreme.

Realize, acknowledge, and accept these words as you see them and your life will turn around in a postive manner. Ignore them and call me an idiot and you will remain in the world that you are now in..

You're (self-centered)
You're (selfish)
You wish to be in (total control)
You do not wish to (share anything, with anyone)
You think that anyone is always trying to (take something from you)
You also have a very hard time (trusting other people)

You have developed these traits over your entire childhood. I "see" them.

Your last post puts the last piece of this puzzle together with your own words:
1. "What do you have to be depressed about?".. Answer: Nothing.
2. "What is there to feel stupid about?".. Answer: Nothing.
3. "I don't like to bother anyone, worry them, tell them, or waste their time because it seems so silly?".. Answer: It is..

So, there is what your schizophrenic friend from Sweden (presently America) took the time to tell you, about you..because you asked why?

Enjoy the life you've blessed with, and make others lives around you as pleasant as your own...

Kindest regards,
Enduronman (The Stupid Viking aka Christoph) gotta go here comes the white coats bye!

[Sallyelizabeth24]

Thanks Enduronman...

Harsh words but maybe needed. I agree with some of the statements. I do like to be in control. But I wouldn't say I was selfish. I think everyone can be at times and I will admit that sometimes I probably am but wouldn't say I was a a lot. I've even asked my fiancé and told him to be honest and he says yes I can be selfish but not always. And doesn't agree that I am self centred. I also wouldn't say I find it hard to trust people. If someone hurts me then I find it very hard to trust them again but that's all

I appreciate the time you took to tell me these things but there are a couple of things I am slightly confused on and I hope you will be able to help answer me this.

If I have nothing to be depressed about and my feelings are stupid how do I get past these feelings? Do I just need to try and forget them and get on with life. That is what I am basically trying to do anyway but now I just feel a little confused as my fiancé tells me I'm not being silly and I need to do something about the way I'm feeling but you say otherwise.

Thank you

[Enduronman]

Dear Sally,

To keep this answer as brief and simple as possible (which I am not generally good at) Then there's one thing that we both have just learned here, and that is that your Mother, your Father, and your soon to be Husband all have (1) thing in common..They ALL love you, and they ALL will always be there for you. That's what you must focus your thoughts on instead of all this other mumbo jumbo (sorry for that analogy) but that's quite honestly what it all is anyway. It isn't being fair to them, for them to ALL worry, stress, and have concerns for you all the time, if not daily as you mentioned. (that's why i had to use the word selfish, although that word is quite strong in meaning and in feeling) because it was to force you to "see" how your disarray of thoughts, crying, being upset...Put them ALL into worry, fret, stress, concern for YOU..That was also yet another aspect of why I had to know if you were their only daughter. It told me that you demanded full, complete, and total attention as a young child...but, you are now an adult that carried on these same systems of communications or demands into adulthood..Even though you're 21, you can look at yourself in the mirror now and tell yourself "how old you've been acting as you are?" Only you can answer that question to yourself..

So, after my ill faited an failed attempts to keep the answer short,...(sorry) the answer is to sit them all down together and tell them all that you love them, and that you now understand what you've been doing not only to yourself..but to all of them too and that you're sorry for causing them fear, worry, concern, and stresses because quite simply Sally, you did not know that you were..I looked at you from the outside-inside, and can "see" what was going on...

Basically Sally from England,..think of all of them, before you continue to think about yourself. Give em a hug, have some dinner, take a walk, share some time together, create new memories...from now forward.

They're not going anywhere, and no one is going to take them from you either...ever, because your "bond" is way to strong for that..and Your "bond" is now understood...

You "see" it now, I wish you the best in life from this moment forward into your future. Smart young lady, bright, witty, intelligent,.extremely strong..use your gifts..


So happy I could help you, it helps me to not feel like I'm actually useful to others in this world..

God Bless you Sally!!

Enduronman..:)

[cork730]

There is absolutely no harm in seeking a doctors help. They will be able to address your concerns and probably make you feel a whole lot better. That's what they are there for. Make an appointment.