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View Full Version : Hi. I'm as screwed up as you are..(if not more). BUT, I'm in control..you're not..



Enduronman
08-13-2012, 12:44 PM
Good morning friends, Romans, countrymen,...and AnxietyForum members (and creepers too).

Yes, its me again. (at this moment everyone says to themselves OMG, here we go again...this should be interesting, and then laughs aloud). Good, now that those thoughts are outta the way then I will proceed with my completely jumbled disarray of mixed up words that are just my completely disorganized basketcase thoughts as typed by my fingers..at my command. I will be brief. NOT!...LOL! Why? Theres nothing "brief" about these topics, subjects, disorders, conditions,...it isn't a freakin cold or a sore throat (at least not yet, because this condition can also CAUSE those illnesses)

Today was my last visit to the Dr to perform the FINAL examination on me in order to CONCLUDE as the whether I could return to work, or whether my body was done. I have just returned with the verdict. I am obligated to tell you why I was going to see him to begin with anyway as this is my 6th visit to him since June 1st. The reason is that I was attacked by a disease (yes, the word disease means it NEVER leaves you whereas the word condition means you've got a chance to control it, or MAKE it leave you) called rheumatoid arthritis. I'm sure many of you have heard someone say that their arthritis is acting up, and you simply blew it off or discounted it. Why? Because you do not know what arthritis even is, how it attacks, how it feels, how it is or can be (in control) of you as it was in me. It is an (autoimmune system disorder). Which means that your own bodys (internal regulatory systems go out of control, short circuit, are freakin out, with no order=balance=equalization) so it is the reason/cause/instigator/antagonizer/leader/General in command, of this attack..on you. Sounds weird? Yes, it was..but also terrifyingly real and true. I have been given the "all clear to return to work, but not been given the all clear to work as I always did prior". His words were "you may return to life, but are ordered to limit yourself as to what you perform physically or you will end up back at square 1 again"...yay (controling, limiting, supressing, an Enduronman is going to be EXTREMELY difficult to acheive, jus syain)...BUT, I will succeed..no option for failure because if I do fail? I will not work, walk, move, and will be handicapped, disabled, debilitated,..for the rest of my adult life..I choose walking upright! over sittin in a wheelchair...The results of this above paragraph are ALL within my own control, and that starts where? Yup, in my mind..done with this part.

(PS: Most people that are tormented by the above mentioned DISEASE live their entire remaining lives in pain, suffering, misery,..forever)...

Why? Because they do not know what it is. Do not know how it got there. Do not know how to understand it. Do not know how to make it stop...Why? Because they do not know that they need to learn about it, research it, study it, in order to understand it, in order to plan a way to force it to depart..(or in my terms...Get the f**k away from me now!)...Lets just say that highly intelligent, highly educated, Rheumatologist or Specialist in this field DO NOT LIKE ME VERY MUCH...Why? Because I have more knowledge about this disease (and many others regarding an out of control autoimmune system) then they do...It intimidates, scares, threatens,..them. Done...

Why do we care about all that bulls**t that EnduroDork just typed anyway? Because it is the "nuclear fallout and blast zone" that was created by the very condition/disorder/mental illnesses that you all carry around with you every single day. Cause=effect..The aftermath of living an entire life with (EXTREMELY HIGH ANXIETY,PANIC,ADRENAL OVERLOAD,STRESS,TENSION,WORRY,CONCERN,TROUBLES) that were all viewed, lived, retained, kept, stored, filed away, never forgotten, never accepted, never corrected, never discarded, never deleted, and my mind was "open" to new and constantly challenging issues, events, occasions, instances, or WTF moments equating to 'CHRONIC STRESS INPUTS' that I did not control and that I allowed inside..HERE'S THE ONE THING THAT I DID NOT RECOGNIZE WHILE ALL THIS S**T WAS PILING UP, AND UP, AND UP IS THAT I ALWAYS HAD THE OPTION TO TAKE CONTROL, I JUST NEVER SAW IT! It was right behind my own eyes, this entire time...MY BRAIN!..(whats left of it)...

So, to summarize this what may appear to be a semi-retarded presentation put together by a completely insane madman (lol!) the purpose of this is as follows.

1. Living your life daily in chronic fear of whatever, will have serious repercussions in your future.
2. Living your life daily under chronic stress inputs, will have serious side effects in your future.
3. Allowing chronic stress triggers into your mind daily, (other peoples problems, drama, stresses of work, family, finance, disruption not caused by you, external environmental stresses, constant meaningless communications with others, facebook, cellphones, reading local newspapers, watching the worldwide news, watching highly stressful TV programs, hearing idiotic horrifying predictions made by people more insane then I am, worrying about the future (because NO ONE even knows the future, so youre worrying about something you dont even know about), worrying about your health (manifesting in your mind, which actually self creates the health issues that werent even there to worry about to begin with)...
4. Chronic stress= you're going to end up even more f**ked up then you already are. You are feeding this condition, all by yourself..thats why it seems to be thriving, on you.
5. Here's your assignment: Analyze your entire life in great detail and perspective, on paper, ASAP..all of it...everything. Know about, learn about, understand...YOU! NOW!...Then, you, I, anyone else that offers assistance or input...will help YOU to fix YOU...

In closing, (YAY hes going to STOP NOW!) :)..... Many of you suffer from extreme phobias ranging from spiders, to pills, to food..Let me just type a few things in this regard. The most venomous spider in the world is called the brown recluse. To bad he is rarely capable of biting you because he is so small and he cant penetrate your skin easily..if he does, you will still survive with emergency care asap. The liklihood of any one of you to be bitten by him? My odds of winning the lottery are better then yours..Next, pills, medications,..Why did I choose to DEFEAT the disease that I now have on my own???... Because the medication that is used to treat this disease may have serious side effects. The very first line, sentence, group of words on the "side effects profile sheet summary" states: MAY CAUSE DEATH. Hmmm, let me think about that for a tenth of a second. Ok, NO!.. That's why I HAD to crush this disease myself..is this particular disease defeatable without that medication?..Not likely, highly unlikely..but I did. Now, ANY medication that ANY of you will be prescribed to help you to overcome this "condition" will not say: MAY CAUSE DEATH. None of them...Why?..Because they won't, because THEY NEVER HAVE EVER. Why does dips**t E-Man want me to read this?..Because 1 day, you may realize that since you chose not to take the medications available to you, to help you to control your disorder..You will then more likely be forced to stare down the barrel of a loaded 44 SuperMag that MAY CAUSE DEATH.. You think you're scared now?..The longer you allow fear to control you and your mind, the more likely you will be faced with an option to take a pill that MAY CAUSE DEATH. I told the Dr that I can think of more entertaining ways to die then that!..and they are as follows:
1. Jump out of a plane, with no chute.
2. Jump off of a mountain top, with no flying suit.
3. Put me in the co-pilot seat of an SR-71 Blackbird, take me to 50000ft, and then order the pilot to eject.

Sounds a hell of alot more fun to me then takin a pill that MAY CAUSE DEATH...YIPPEE!!!

My brainfart has just ended...

Read this until youre blue in the face, dizzy, or vomiting...until you UNDERSTAND this.. This FREE information will assuredly save your life..

Goodluck friends!

Mr. Enduronman.

jhunter89
08-13-2012, 03:51 PM
My mum suffers from rheumatoid arthritis, she has growths of bone on one of her thumbs and knuckles. she was on steroids for years which made her bones brittle and has broken her hip and both wrists from falling over. I think it's pretty much under control now as she goes to work every day. It flares up now and again, On rare occasions she can't even get out of bed.
Probably uninteresting to u but thought id share :)

Enduronman
08-13-2012, 04:09 PM
I'm sorry to hear that friend. Yes, this disease is a major disruption to a persons life. It can literally distort ones body and twist it all up..I also know the not gettin outta bed part to well. Not walkin, not in control of my hand movements,...I wish not relive this again.

Hope, wishes, prayers, for yer Mum friend..

E-Man.

jhunter89
08-13-2012, 04:36 PM
I understand it is or can be hereditary? But nobody else in my family has it and my mum thinks she may of got it after she had a blood transfusion. I really hope I don't get it.

Enduronman
08-13-2012, 05:52 PM
It can be hereditary as my genes were created by 2 that did not, nor do not have this disease. Their genes crossed and made my mixed up mess. More then likely, it will skip a generation or two and then strike again...My sis also has all kinds of "genetic abnormalites" too..She has a disease so rare that there are only 600 cases....IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!.. I doubt you'll have to deal with this..

whatif
08-13-2012, 07:44 PM
Sorry to hear about your R A, I used to work with a really young man (24) who'd battled this disease for most of his life. Poor fella, he had flare ups if he ate certain foods, drank alcohol, etc... A lot for someone so young to deal with. Back to you... You have so much knowledge of the human body, if anyone can live a good life w a disease like this, it's YOU... You may have a disease, but I know, it doesn't have YOU!

As for your "advice" for the rest of us crazies, suggesting heavily that we do whatever necessary to kick this sh*t... Point taken! I will keep fighting the good fight and do my best to push myself more often (b/c I know that it's by pushing ourselves that we re-train our brain!).

Enduronman
08-13-2012, 08:05 PM
Exactly!! You must regain control of YOU! Yes, alot of knowledge of the human body because I had NO ONE else to take care of me, except me. Plus, living with a handful of "disorders" forced me to learn a whole bunch of crap about them as no Dr. was going to teach me of them..Also, going through a phase in my life (to late) where I thought being a ginormous gihugic gargantuan beast would be cool so I studied more and more on how to make a giant dumbass! Diet, training, style, weightloads, how, when, times of hormone release, how to spike certain hormones, how to grow, when to heal and for how long, supplements, herbals, vitamins, nutrients, calories, proteins, carbs, fats, cholesterol, etc. etc...yadda this that and the other!!!.. Yes, you all can kick this in the ass..you all just have to realize that you gotta be a Warrior to beat it..Everybody has a Warrior button, just gotta find it whether man or woman doesnt matter...its there. I will push when I "see" the right time to push...I wanna see EVERYBODY whip this!!! Honestly!.. Just takes work, effort, plans, patience....:)