Some back story

[Velrose]

Forgive this, I just need to...I don't know, sort through some things. It helps to type them out, and it helps more if other people can relate. I'm a long time user here on the forums, but I've never really let anyone know too much about me.

I've had obsessions and anxiety since I was fairly young. My obsessions are always INCREDIBLY irrational and vary in their nature. I never focus on one obsession for more than a few months at a time. I come from a highly disfunctional family. My father was in and out of prison, heavily involved with a "biker" gang. My mom left him and took my brother and myself on the run. Sometimes we'd settle down, sometimes we'd move every month or so. My dad was looking for us the entire time- bringing his friends to our house with guns in the middle of the night, things like that. My mom abused drugs and alcohol and I grew up in that lifestyle. Parties, drama and the like. Mom got a new boyfriend and stopped hanging around with her old crowd, but the new boyfriend was worse, on heavy, heavy scary drugs. He was physically abusive to my mom, me and my brothers. (Even going so far as attacking me and my youngest brother one night with one of those large, pronged forks used for cooking out. I fought him off that night, thankfully he was so doped up, I don't think he knew which way was up.)

I moved away. I'm married now with a daughter, and the only people from my youth I associate with are my mom, my brothers and my grandparents.

I guess, I'm just writing this....getting some things off of my chest. I've talked about it in therapy recently, and it really helped to get it all out. To see those memories in my head, to give them a voice and then.... work on sending them away.

My life is good now, and I'm getting a decent grip on my anxieties....

Curious now though, how many people here suffering from anxiety come from a bad background?

[FedUp]

So sorry to learn about Ur horrid childhood! Glad u r able to talk about it. To answer your question..... Mine doesn't compare to urs, but was not wonderful. My dad abused my mom infront of me and my sis. He then walked out on my mom who did not have a job. It was a blessing because if the abuse but here was my mom with no money and two little kids to care for. She was a great mother, but struggled financially. My dad didn't pay support like he was suppose to and even shut the phone off! Mom had no car. Anyhow, my dad didn't want anything to do with my sister and I. Even though he abused my mom, this still stings some. He seems to have a good relationship with my step brother. I then ended up marrying a man that was an alcoholic and verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. I am happy to say I got myself out of that mess and am now with a wonderful man! Guess I should have anxiety, huh? Lol

[Velrose]

Oh wow. You should be so proud though getting out of that bad situation. Too many women don't do it... it took my mom a long time to leave my dad and to leave her boyfriend too. I am so thankful she left her boyfriend though, he was just arrested last year for beating a woman in the head with a baseball bat.

o_O

When I told my therapist all of this, she said it was no wonder I suffer from anxiety. As I've gotten older it's become easier and easier to talk about all of it.

[Newtoanxiety]

My childhood was horrible. My father was a alcoholic and beat up my mom everyday and one time he held a shotgun up to my moms head when I was sitting on her lap. He was also verbally abusive. My mom jumped from man to man and lived in the bar and she is also a manic depressant. When I was about 9 she married a man out of prison and he sexually abused me and my mom knew and allowed him to. When I was 15 my sisters husband tried to rape me. As an adult I had horrible realtionships my first one was physically abusive and I broke up with and he went crazy an broke Into my house when I was babysitting my nephew and had me pinned down trying to rape me in front of my 4 year old nephew. My sister and brother came home at that time and stopped him. And my most recent realtionship he cheated on me and got a girl pregnant (she had twin boys) I didn't find out until 3 years later when court papers were delivered that he could be the father (DNA test proved he was indeed the father) and I have a 4 year old son with him (the twins he has with this girl are only 3 weeks older than the son we have together) which is crazy!!! My anxiety hit me full force during this and I had my first horrible panic attack!! And have been dealing with horrible anxiety and fear and racing thoughts since! Crazy how bad life can be sometimes!!

[Velrose]

But I firmly believe everything we've been through in our lives, all the shit that has been thrown our way, we survived. We're stronger for it. It just sucks that our brains feel the need to release and ambush us with anxiety. I have a very strange sense of pride in my past. Not because of the "oh I've been through this blah blah blah," bragging rights some people use, but because I KNOW things can be bad, and I KNOW I can make it through them. There are quite a few people in my life now that if they were tossed into my past, forced to live through some of it, they'd break.

[Enduronman]

OH!! BAD BACKGROUND!! PICK ME PICK ME,,THE ONE JUMPING UP AND DOWN CONSTANTLY!!!.... I gotta have some coffee first but as I've only read the 1st intro paragraph thus far, I can assure you that "my background" was unique, challenging, intense, interesting, fun,...and a horrifically scary nightmare all at the same time, virtually every single solitary day. No 2 similar things, skills, techniques, ways, principals,..were ever learned again but I remember them all. I also do not dwell, ponder, think about, worry, stress, concern, nor wonder....if things couldv'e been different? Why?...No point. Then, I wouldn't be the man that I am today and thus far over these last 25+ years if it were not for those 100's of trials, tests, fights, experiences....I wouldn't be able to wake up on a such a beautiful and glorious day to share some thoughts of hope, wishes, and get some of the same support, back in return from you...I wouldnt be alive. Nice meeting you Velrose.

Time fer tea!

Enduronman.