Living in a dream.

[JamesML]

Lately for about 2 years I've felt like everything was a dream. Like when you wake up but you're still dreaming and you can control it.

Also my parents are serrated cause she cheated on my dad and abandoned me and my brother.
My dad gets worked up over little things.

He recently told me that I was I'm grateful cause I haven't done anything for him. Which is stupid. In the 17 years of living, I KNOW I've done something for him. Maybe not much, but I don't have to give. I've given all I can.

I don't know what to do.

Also recently, and this has never happened before, I've had thoughts of cutting myself. Wondering if that would help "wake me up." I haven't though, and I don't really want to, but the thoughts are there.

[JamesML]

I made mistakes in that post cause auto correct changed my words and I meet to read it first but I hit send by mistake.

[dazza]

Don't bother with cutting yourself... it hurts, it's messy and will achieve absolutely fuck all (apart from life-long scarring, both mentally and physically)

If you must "wake" yourself as you put it, then try something less harmful & stupid like a massive bungy jump or sky dive.

Life sucks at the moment, I hear you, but don't turn to stupidity - you won't find the answers.
(Just coz you've read about others doing it... don't bother putting yourself in the same category)

Parent separation can send a shock wave of trauma through the affected family. All parties can be affected and it can take a LONG time to recover.

BUT... recover it will, so please just hang on in there lad and try to help your poor old dad from time to time until he's over the worst of it.

[JamesML]

Yes, sir. Cutting doesn't sound like it will fix anything. Its just why am I thinking about it?

And I help my dad the best I can. I actually helped him today. me, my brother and others know we help out, but he doesn't. I'm sure he has been affected by it all too, but I don't see how him saying those things about us will help anything.

[dazza]

> Its just why am I thinking about it?

I don't know bud. I've never read why people turn to this obscenitiy.

Perhaps it's an irrational idea that, by cutting, you are releasing anger or frustration?
Or, as you said, it somehow awakens you? (at least, you THINK it will)

Who knows, but people who do this usually have underlying, mental issues - and I can guarantee that this won't solve it/them.

Your dad probably isn't in a great place right now. Life's dealt him some shitty cards and he probably aint feeling too good.
He's a bit snappy / moody and unfortunately you're bearing some of the brunt.

Remember; it's NOT personal. It's just his frustrations showing themselves so don't take it personally and keep your chin up.
It'll pass.

[JamesML]

Thanks.

I made a second thread. its just asking how do I ask for help cause I I just don't feel like myself.

[EMZ]

The feeling you describe 'living a dream' is depersonalisation/derealisation. It's your body's way of protecting itself. Cutting yourself won't help. It's just an irrational thought.

[luckydog]

I cut myself pretty badly in my early years dealing with bipolar and anxiety, before when I was in denial over it all. The logic at the time was that it made me actually feel something. It was a stupid thing to do and I regret it. Especially since my oldest was hospitalized for depression and cutting herself. I know she got the idea from me. And I kick myself every day for what the kids went through with me. They had to grow up fast. I'm lucky that they don't resent me...and they understand now that they're older. Don't hurt yourself. Its really not worth it sand you will regret it the minute you do it. Its a cry for help really. Get a good therapist. I hope reading of my mess will discourage you. Msg me if you need an ear to get through this.