Worry, worry, worry!

[orangeribbons]

I worry about losing control. I worry about saying the wrong things. I think about how easy it would be to kill myself. I don't want to do it, in fact, it's the opposite; I love life so much that I'm terrified of death. Of how easy it would be to die; to end it all. And how tragic and traumatic it would be for the people who love me. I'm not sure why I think about stuff like that so frequently. I almost like get scared that I'm going to enter into some kind of psychosis where I'll totally lose control and do crazy things. So that must be the fear; going crazy. Or that I'm not detecting something about myself that demands serious professional help. Thinking negative and disturbing thoughts pisses me off so much because I know I should be happy. My life is awesome. So I get mad at myself that I would be unhappy for even a second! My thoughts race and I can't calm down and it gets SO exhausting living this way. Sometimes I just want to scream. I feel like I'm on the verge of a break down, but nothing is even wrong!! I just want to have fun. Ugh. Anyone relate?

[samantha1007]

Completely. I have two healthy beautiful daughters, besides anxiety and crohns I have good health, a job, a lovely mom who helps with everything, friends.. Why the hell am I not happy?? I completely understand what you mean.

[averiguar]

hey orangeribbons, it's me again. :) I understand and relate to what you are saying. I've felt that way before. Here's my thing, though.... I think that often the anxiety response is simply because we are not active or distracted into the field of work or vocation/action. ou know what I mean? I mean... when we're left to our own devices and when we're not active about something that makes us feel passionate, we often resort to introspection and anxiety is the result. This is of course a simplified way of expressing what I mean, but you get the gist.
Usually, if you can get yourself divested and passionate about something in the realm of work or whatever, your anxiety will lessen or cease. How long have you been suffering the panic, may I ask?