calm mentally, jittery physically

[superdude49]

I believe I have some form of social anxiety. I have never gone through any real therapy but I have always been able to deal with this problem by challenging myself in social situations.

My main problem is that while I am not worrying about a situation mentally (like meeting new people, or an interview) I have very strong physical symptoms of anxiety: jitteryness, sweaty palms, racing heart, chest tightness. I also have some degree of chest tightness everyday, unless I'm in a great mood.

I'm very confident in my abilities and know how to deal with all types of situations. A lot of people have come up to me and told me I look like a carefree guy, which I think I really am.

My problem is, when I get into a social situation with some degree of pressure, my body generates a huge amount of anxiety. This makes me extremely physically uncomfortable which i think, in turn messes with my head, making me actually start to worry. I tell myself in these situations all the time that whatever happens its not the end of the world. But the physical pain of this anxiety is so strong that it destroys my confidence and builds up the situation to be much more than what it is supposed to be.

does anyone else know what im feeling, by not being mentally worried, but physically a mess?

[juliana]

Hi Superdude. I can totally relate to what you're describing. I'm very much the same way. Friends tell me that they envy my confidence and they describe me as a "free spirit." I'm not self-conscious. I rarely worry -- or even think -- about what other people think of me. I have a great deal of confidence in my professional abilities; I don't even get nervous in job interviews or when public speaking. I feel like I'm in my element in those situations.

I suffer from panic attacks, though. For me, they come in the form of nausea, dizziness, blurry vision, shallow breathing and an inability to swallow. I also fidget a lot. I tap my foot, pace, or touch the nape of my neck over and over again. The physical symptoms are overwhelming and while it's happening I can't identify any thoughts or worries. It's just physical discomfort and my brain screaming, "run away! run away!

When I went for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, my therapist tried to teach me how to identify what my thoughts were before an attack, but I couldn't do that because the attacks hit me so quickly. It turns out my anxiety attacks were brought on by a 3 year illness with Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. It made everything spin, my balance was way off, I couldn't walk properly, I was constantly nauseous and threw up a lot. I have always been phobic about throwing up in public, so it turns out that's the fear I have and that's what causes my panic attacks. If I'm in a situation that used to be a trigger for my BPPV attacks (bright lights, lots of movement), or I realize I'm in a place where I can't make a quick escape if I feel ill, my body/mind react with panic. I don't have panic attacks when I'm very focused on something. It's more likely to happen in a restaurant, a board meeting, a mall, or even when I'm alone in my office -- in a relatively "relaxed" situation. The panic sneaks up on me when my mind isn't actively focused on something other than my surroundings.

Confident, high-achievers sometimes have a tendency to be control freaks too. I know I'm one. We don't want to shatter anyone's perfect image of us and what could be more embarrassing than showing some weakness or losing control? So, I'm guessing there's an underlying fear that you haven't identified yet -- a weakness you're afraid of revealing and that is causing your attacks. The symptoms may be intensely physical, but there is something going on in your mind that makes your body react that way. I hope you figure it out. It's the first step in tackling the problem. Are you considering talking to a therapist? A CBT book might be helpful to you as well.

[superdude49]

thanks for the feedback, i left out a lot of important details lol

i have seen different therapists sporadically the past few years, but i have had less than 5 sessions. im going to see one on monday btw

The other thing is, I know my problem is mental. But the thing i deal with is that my real beliefs get clouded with anxiety, which is formed in physical discomfort.

I'll give you an example for whats going on right now, its 4:15 in the morning , all my roommates have been asleep for hours, and i have class at 9. I dont care that im going to get little sleep, i know ill be fine. i also have an italian test on friday that i need to study for tomorrow which i dont know anythign about. i dont really care about that either, im confident i can handle it. a lot of "normal" people would get bugged out about my situation.

the thing is right now i have a real tight chest pain, which is usually constant unless i am completely distracted. This pain, even though i am not worried about what is going to happen tomorrow, makes me think about where the pain is coming from- which then leads to worrysome thoughts that i know are false. i dont have attacks like you and alot of other people on this board mention, just a constant, shitty feeling. and when i am actually worried about something, my symptoms elevate extremely and it will become an obsessive worry.

i definitely feel you on the control freak aspect, I always like to be in control and have a problem just going along for the ride. I am also a leader as well, I live with four other guys and almost nothing gets done unless I initiate it.

i do know i have real fears which cause the most anxiety, most of them dealing with having accomplished nothing decades from now, and never finding a woman i truly love. I have thought about this on many occasions and i think those are as deep as it gets.

But I would say the bottom line for this is that I really do believe in myself and i know that this anxiety is bullshit. My anxiety really contradicts my true beliefs, takes away my enjoyment, and really holds me back.


thats alot of thoughts to take in for one post, hopefully you can make some sense of it :mrgreen:


also, how did that cognitive behavioral therapy work out??

[juliana]

Anxiety really can hold us back in a big one. It's incredibly frustrating. I feel like it's the demon on my shoulder -- trying to sabotage me.

Before I started having full-blown panic attacks, I had some of the symptoms you're describing. I wish I had learned how to deal with those things then -- learned some techniques for calming myself down -- before things got worse.

My biggest worrying times were late at night. My mind would start racing and I would have trouble breathing, and I would feel like every nerve in my body was humming and my insides were shaking. It was a horrible feeling and made falling asleep very difficult.

I still experience that sometimes and what works best for me is distraction. I know it's going to sound strange, but I make myself get in bed at bedtime and I give my mind tasks to work on. I alphabetize Coronation Street characters, world capitals, african countries, etc. I need to force this distraction so the worries won't sneak in. It takes practice, but I have gotten so that I can focus on these mental tasks and fall asleep. Have you tried forced distraction techniques like that? Rather than waiting for something to distract you in the quiet in the dead of night, choose something to focus your mind on.

As for your question about whether or not CBT therapy worked for me, I would have to say that it was helpful. It's hard for me to gauge how helpful it was, though. I was severely agoraphobic before I started treatment and I started taking Clonazepam. I wouldn't have been able to leave the house to go to therapy if I hadn't been taking Clonazepam. I was never successful in identifying the thoughts that were going through my head before I had an attack -- the physical symptoms just hit too quickly. What did help me, though, was the logical approach my therapist took. I respond well to logic. He would give me lists of things to do -- ways in which to challenge my avoidance behaviour. Without him pushing me (and without my knowing that I would have to report back to him), I might not have done some of the things that ended up being very helpful. We also talked a lot about thinking about -- what's the worst that could happen? When you ask yourself that question and answer it logically, you realize that the worst isn't so bad, and it helps to put some things in perspective.

Anyway, I'm rambling as I so often do. I hope you find something that works for you. Anxiety can really wear a person out.