pointblanc
07-15-2012, 06:34 AM
Just wanted to share my experience too. I got arrested in 2009 for driving under the influence (3 years ago). I know what I did was wrong, and I was 22 at the time, hadn’t had my license for very long and it was in a very small, quiet town. I had never been in any form of trouble before & had always done the right thing, however, that night I messed up.
After the incident, I suffered horrific flashbacks & thousands of moments of, “if only I did this…” and “if only I hadn’t done that…”etc. What made the experience worse was a court date that I knew was coming, but I had to wait weeks which became months, which became years. I felt that I couldn’t live life normally, constantly thinking about the terrible thing I had done. I learnt through research that I could plead guilty and pay a fine, however, that would count as a conviction against my name. After a very long period of waiting, I wrote a letter to the court begging them to consider giving me community service instead of having to pay a fine – i.e get the wrap on my name
More anxious months of waiting, and they agreed – by sending me a confirmatory letter stating I’d be instructed what to do next. More months of anxious waiting & following up, I heard nothing. My lawyer & the authorities told me there’s a fair amount of admin involved, and thus it takes a while. Eventually, after being fed up with not knowing, I went and got involved myself, and organized the “missing admin”. After which, I was told too much time had passed, thus they’re retracting their agreement to the community service thing & I have to appear back in court.
Obviously I’ve omitted a lot of little details in the above story to keep it short – but basically, I’m really struggling with the sense of hopelessness & “being let down/lied to”. As I’ve said before, I know what I did was against the law, and for that I must go through the justice system – however, the psychological rollercoaster of feeling so down for so long, then receiving a sense of up again, and then having to go down the same path again and ultimately the outcome will be what I have been scared of for years. What causes the worst of the pain & despair is the feeling of “I’m telling the truth but no one wants to listen” and “People having the wrong idea of who I am” thus making me feel sorry for myself & helpless. I have trouble sleeping at night & have the most heaviest of nightmares and the more I try to “think positive”, I can’t * What’s transpired is a sense of “I don’t want to do anything anymore” and my whole zest for life is just diminished due to being let down.
Would be nice to know if anyone else has messed up, gone through a bad experience and kinda “pulled themself up” – I know I want to, I really do, but I just can’t find the “drive”…and now I’m finding it especially hard because of being told “I’m dishonest” etc. All the confusion adds to it all too *
Thanks for reading, if you did read this and it helps – or you understand!
After the incident, I suffered horrific flashbacks & thousands of moments of, “if only I did this…” and “if only I hadn’t done that…”etc. What made the experience worse was a court date that I knew was coming, but I had to wait weeks which became months, which became years. I felt that I couldn’t live life normally, constantly thinking about the terrible thing I had done. I learnt through research that I could plead guilty and pay a fine, however, that would count as a conviction against my name. After a very long period of waiting, I wrote a letter to the court begging them to consider giving me community service instead of having to pay a fine – i.e get the wrap on my name
More anxious months of waiting, and they agreed – by sending me a confirmatory letter stating I’d be instructed what to do next. More months of anxious waiting & following up, I heard nothing. My lawyer & the authorities told me there’s a fair amount of admin involved, and thus it takes a while. Eventually, after being fed up with not knowing, I went and got involved myself, and organized the “missing admin”. After which, I was told too much time had passed, thus they’re retracting their agreement to the community service thing & I have to appear back in court.
Obviously I’ve omitted a lot of little details in the above story to keep it short – but basically, I’m really struggling with the sense of hopelessness & “being let down/lied to”. As I’ve said before, I know what I did was against the law, and for that I must go through the justice system – however, the psychological rollercoaster of feeling so down for so long, then receiving a sense of up again, and then having to go down the same path again and ultimately the outcome will be what I have been scared of for years. What causes the worst of the pain & despair is the feeling of “I’m telling the truth but no one wants to listen” and “People having the wrong idea of who I am” thus making me feel sorry for myself & helpless. I have trouble sleeping at night & have the most heaviest of nightmares and the more I try to “think positive”, I can’t * What’s transpired is a sense of “I don’t want to do anything anymore” and my whole zest for life is just diminished due to being let down.
Would be nice to know if anyone else has messed up, gone through a bad experience and kinda “pulled themself up” – I know I want to, I really do, but I just can’t find the “drive”…and now I’m finding it especially hard because of being told “I’m dishonest” etc. All the confusion adds to it all too *
Thanks for reading, if you did read this and it helps – or you understand!