joycey360
06-17-2012, 09:36 AM
Not sure how to put this into words but I'll give it a good go.
Basically, I go through stages of having the typical anxiety symptoms, worrying about everything etc then after a few weeks, it all disappears and I'm back to my usual self.
My usual self is up for a laugh, funny (I think anyway) and love life.
But when I'm in the other state of mind, it becomes the opposite.
I look back on when I was worry free and see it as not normal. I feel like I wasn't taking life or school seriously, when in fact I was getting good marks etc. I also dwell on every small bad thing I did in that time.
One thing I know for sure is I have never been confident in myself, and in my school (I'm in Year 9) we have to do Dance, Drama Music and I've always hated it because I have little self confidence and although no one ever scrutinises me, I have the fear of being scrutinised. I also have always loved socialising in school but never outside it.
What I'm confused with also is why I am like this. As I've read through these forums most of the people say they have depression etc because of family issues, but I've had none of this and my life is pretty much perfect other than my anxiety.
I feel in a way guilty for feeling like this, as I know many peoples lives are worse off than mine and I feel like I have no reason to feel like this, but I can't help it.
As I've been writing this I have remembered when I was little, I remember being really happy, enjoying life and I remember once my Mum saying jokingly to me looking at a picture of me in Primary School "What happened to the happy boy you used to be," but I feel like I have let my happiness go.
This whole post doesn't even make sense to me as I look back and although I do have friends to talk to, because of my fear of being scrutinised, I feel they will judge me, I don't even know. I just want to know I'm not alone feeling like this.
If you have any questions, please ask. Thanks
Basically, I go through stages of having the typical anxiety symptoms, worrying about everything etc then after a few weeks, it all disappears and I'm back to my usual self.
My usual self is up for a laugh, funny (I think anyway) and love life.
But when I'm in the other state of mind, it becomes the opposite.
I look back on when I was worry free and see it as not normal. I feel like I wasn't taking life or school seriously, when in fact I was getting good marks etc. I also dwell on every small bad thing I did in that time.
One thing I know for sure is I have never been confident in myself, and in my school (I'm in Year 9) we have to do Dance, Drama Music and I've always hated it because I have little self confidence and although no one ever scrutinises me, I have the fear of being scrutinised. I also have always loved socialising in school but never outside it.
What I'm confused with also is why I am like this. As I've read through these forums most of the people say they have depression etc because of family issues, but I've had none of this and my life is pretty much perfect other than my anxiety.
I feel in a way guilty for feeling like this, as I know many peoples lives are worse off than mine and I feel like I have no reason to feel like this, but I can't help it.
As I've been writing this I have remembered when I was little, I remember being really happy, enjoying life and I remember once my Mum saying jokingly to me looking at a picture of me in Primary School "What happened to the happy boy you used to be," but I feel like I have let my happiness go.
This whole post doesn't even make sense to me as I look back and although I do have friends to talk to, because of my fear of being scrutinised, I feel they will judge me, I don't even know. I just want to know I'm not alone feeling like this.
If you have any questions, please ask. Thanks