I want the old me back!!!!!

[Kaleya]

As I sit here, I am doing things that I do not want to do, such as taking more Klonapin than I usually do. The doctor up my dose from . 5 to 1 1/2 a day. Yes it is really bad. I feel alone but I am married and I think he contributes to my anxiety. Well I know he does. I thought I knew about this anxiety and had it under control from 12 years ago. I don't remember how long I went through the phase but it was really bad then too. But I over came it. But here I am again with it. I have dropped 7 pounds in I guess 1 month and a half, so I am starting to feel sorry for myself and my kids. It is a certain time of the day when I am at high level anxiety and that is after kids go to bed. Everyday, day in and day out. I cried because I was feeling so anxious my head was hurting and I felt out of controll and on edge but it was my body feeling that way. I am sad feeling like this because I have no time to get better. I have to keep pushing. But maybe that is good for me.

[hopeNfaith88]

Hey girl, things will get better i promise. It feels like youll never feel normal again but you will. Slowly but surely. In the mean time you just have to hold on and when you have a good couple of hours, remember it and use that to keep you going.

I find myself most anxious at night as well. When my family goes to bed around 10 im up until 3-4am very anxious and scared. But it used to be all day id feel this way. I used to think id never get better but now Ive been slowly getting better. Have been to two therapy sessions and im hopeful about it. Have you tried talking to your husband about how youre feeling? Maybe itd help make you feel less alone. I noticed i felt the worst when i laid around crying over every change id seen in myself. about how i missed the old me. I thought i was surely going crazy and that my personality was changing. My thoughts were posioning me. But then i started talking to my family and it made me feel so much better just to talk to someone and cry to them. Then after a good cry, i picked myself up and told myself its alright. Anxiety happens and its not the end of the world. I looked at the positive things: im not terminally ill, i have a loving supportive family, this is treatable, and it will go away. I stopped dwelling on how bad i felt and began taking small steps to return my life to normal (at this point i wasnt leaving my house or driving my car). And its gotten better ever since. Im at about 85%. Almost all better but still have some rough nights. This sounds corny but overcoming anxiety is an individual journey. Unfortunately you cant just read what people say helped them and cure yourself fast. It definitely helps to use their tips as things to try and guidelines, but really its you who has to find the inner peace to relax yourself and cope with it. There are several ways to get there, just be patient and explore all the helpful options out there.

Hang in there feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk to

[Sentao]

Sometimes it gets a little scary when things change in our lives and we wish that things were the way they were before. You might be going through a difficult time, but you have to hang in there...welcome difficulty in your life because it will help you to grow.

[Kaleya]

Thanks for the encouragement you all, I am fighting back tears now, but I know it is okay to cry to let it all out. I am going to get myself back one day at time. It is amazing how many people battle this daily. I heard people say it is very intelligent ones that deal with it because they do not know when to slow down and stop over doing things. I went to the doctor to get an EKG, normal as usual, but the funny thing is I told him I have these spells in the evening. He told me to continue my meds, he was very encouraging and also what ever test I wanted him to do he did on me with out no excuses. I told him I want to make sure I am healthy first. I have my first therapy appointment tommorrow evening and i feel good about it. I am on a road to recovery and I am going to stay positive now matter how I feel.