How Do I Get Over Anxiety over Argument?

[invisible]

Hello all,

I moved in to a new neighborhood and really enjoyed it the first couple of months. Then I had an argument with neighbor and for months now I have suffered great anxiety over living here. Neighbor had lived here for years, and is also very involved in the community/church. It's funny, before argument, I really liked it here. Now, since, I hate it.

The first couple months after argument, I cried constantly, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep hardly. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. Went to family counselor and family doctor. I asked for xanax to help get me through first few months. I couldn't attend church without great anxiety as neighbor attends same church. Gradually, I came to mainly have anxiety when I thought I'd see the neighbor.

Now, I've dealt with okay, but still experiencing anxiety - although to lesser degree. I don't take xanax anymore, and I can have superficial conversation with neighbor. We have both agreed to "let it go."

It's weird though, I still obsess about the situation. I constantly - on dailybasis - fantasize about moving. And I'm paranoid about gossip since I am new here.

Anyway, I know that I shouldn't worry about what others think anyway. If they want to judge me, then they aren't my real friend any way, right? But that's easier said than done.

I suffered a lot of depression/anxiety 15 years ago, but then through counseling and meds have overcome a lot. Still suffered a little depression, but really made strides. Now, I tell spouse I feel like I have totally regressed. How can I overcome this? How can I stop obsessing over moving? I know realistically that most of neighborhood probably doesn't know about the argument, and even if they did, why would they take the time to care that much? So why am I worrying so much?

Any input is appreciated.

Invisible

[V for Victor]

First off, have you made things right with your neighbor by apologizing for the argument? Making peace could take a massive load off of you.

[invisible]

Thank you for your reply.
'
Actually, yes.

The day of our argument, I apologized several times. Neighbor didn't. A few days later, I apologized again.

Then a few weeks later, when neighbor called, I told her I was glad she had called and that I felt bad about our argument, and I apologized again.

Neighbor said everything was fine. (Even though neighbor never apologized, I don't want to hold a grudge.)

I feel pretty good about trying to make amends. I keep trying to tell myself that I am a great person with wonderful qualities, regardless of what anyone thinks of me. I just can't figure out why I am feeling so insecure about this.

Invisible

[jitters]

I've been there and recently, I had an argument with my sister with whom I am usually really close and who I rely on. After the argument it took me a week to build up the courage to phone her even though we left on good terms.

I just obsess over the things which where said and the possible reasons for each point.

Now two weeks on I am getting over it but it triggered one hell of anxiety attack and I still feel ill when I think about it.

My point is you are not alone. My advice time is a great healer you best believe your neighbour doesn't beat themselves up about it and niether should you. Try and let it go pretend it didn't happen and move on, it has helped me. Most important talk to the neighbor hard as it maybe, its the only way to get past this. :)

Duncan