a little help please. spending problem

[anxiousmess]

i've noticed i have gone back to my old ways of spending money.
it is always there, i'm always buying the odd thing i don't need. but i did have it under control, to where i wasn't spending, spending and spending.
i would likely just get one thing extra with shopping or what have you.

it started when i bought the cat tree! them old feelings must have came rushing back, as i haven't stopped since.

a few year ago, i got myself into debt. my dad bailed me out with £2000. now i know it's not TOO bad, but for me it is.
i promised my dad i would never do it again...but i did.
a couple of year after that, i started on the catalogues again. i had 5 of them
my dad started finding my hidden boxes when he would come down, and i still lie to him now saying it is all payed off.
i've been in debt with the catalogues now since a couple of years ago. i ignore all letters.
i've basically buried my head.

it's helped me though, in a way! with me not being allowed to order, i can't go back into that rut.
only amazon became my new best friend. i snapped out of that...but now i'm back there again.

i've started lying to my bf about how much i'm spending....i haven't told him about some things.
i pray that the delivery comes when he isn't here so i can just act like we've always had it.

i've stopped paying certain bills so i can have more money for my things.

i don't know what to do...i don't know how to stop it.
i try my hardest to stay away from amazon. i really do.
i just get drawn in telling myself i'm just browsing. then i see something i really want, and i sneakily order it when my bf leaves the room.

i feel guilty after i've done it, but the feelings before hand don't even take into account the feelings i'm going to get afterwards.

how do i sort this out, and why do i do it?

[bhamlaxy]

I don't know how realistic this is, but this is what I think is the best option.

Ideally sit down with your dad and boyfriend. Lay it ALL out. Admit you have a serious problem with spending money on stupid stuff. Admit you have tried to hide it. And admit that you need help. Maybe work out some sort of system where they handle your money for the short term, and you get $30 a month or something to spend on whatever you want. Pay your bills, manage your problem, and be totally transparent with them. Give them access to your bank history so they can see if you have spent extra money. Just totally open up with them.

Do you see a therapist? If you do, work on this problem. If you don't, start seeing one and talk to them about it.

[anxiousmess]

i did tell my boyfriend yesterday...well, i didn't. i commented on a duvet set that was only 2.99 and i wanted it. he got a bit mad because i had not long told him snippets of the deliveries that were coming soon.
he kind of knows i've got a problem here as he had it out with me yesterday about it. he was fine with it, just saying i need to calm down.
well he's fine for now ...

my boyfriend has taken control of the finances...kind of. my dad also did in the past.

only problem there is that i remember my bank card details. i've got a thing with numbers where i remember them, and so i memorised all of my catalogue account numbers and my bank details.

i'm seeing the CTT on 15th may so i'm looking forward to that to tell them. hopefully they can help me!

it's definitely some kind of an addiction. i've noticed it comes about when i'm down mostly. only this time, i think it's because i bought a washing machine (which i love!), then the cat tree.
i also became obsessed with my first aid kid. all because my son fell and scraped all his arm (in a big huge puddle), i worried like mad about infections.
i've even started on first aid for my pets as i have everything for humans :| my bf will go mad about that!!


kev, i have to agree...there's definitely some other reason behind it other than just an addiction.
i just get an overwhelming feeling to buy something. i don't know what it would be until the time comes...then i cant think of anything else.
then i go to amazon, or whatever other website is needed for what i want, and i hunt it down lol. then i feel all like giddy and buy it...then i feel awful.
until it is delivered, and then that is the best feeling ever lol. sounds really sad when i put it like that, but i LOVE getting my parcels.

the old courier used to laugh at me, saying he'd see me in the morning. i would have a new one everyday. i really don't want to get like that again...but there's some expected to be here on monday, and then tuesday...and i can't remember what else. if they dont all come on monday and tuesday, then wednesday will be joining it too.

my addiction also goes on take aways. i order every night! even though im not hungry, i just feel the neeed to order. i didn't last night, only because the delivery drivers are making me feel bad. commenting on how much i'm spending. which they're right!! i can't fight the urges :(

[sarahbeth]

I can relate to shopping addiction ,I nevet got mine under controll. I clocked up about 5k in debt and 2k with my mum ,I repayed mum because she is famikly but I defaulted on the other debts.

I know I have a problem but I dont want to fix my problem. I found ways of living with it that dont get me further in to debt.

Its hard but I think if you set yourself a limit and question yourself "do I really need this? Is this essential?".

Yesterday was my first real spend ,I got a £100 winter coat for £19.99 and its something I need for out walking in this awful weather. If it was full price I would have left it.

At my worst I blew 1k in two days and I am not proud of that ,there are things I need now that all the money I wasted would have come in handy for ,like medical stuff. The dentist etc.

There is nothing worse then being in need of something and then not being able to afford it.

I would give anything to have the 5k I blew back, it would pay for my surgery.

Sarah x

[anxiousmess]

i'm the same - i payed my dad back, but the other debts...i honestly believe i've left them to help myself! i used to pay them...obviously, otherwise i would never have been able to get as far as i did with my spending.

to be honest, i don't know if i want to fix my problem! the guilt makes me want to stop, but then the urge of buying is a much better feeling. so obviously, i'll be drawn to the better feeling.
having it under control seems to be the best bet. how i get there though, i don't know...

i've got my dad as back up...which i don't think helps. if i need something i can't afford, i just go to my dad and he always helps me out.
it's a good thing that he's there. it's not very often i need his help, but when my bf says "how are we going to afford this if you do that", my reply is always "my dad"

as i say, it's not often we need him like that, i always manage to pull it off. but he is my back up if need be.

obviously, it's not good that i rely on him at times. but he's always been my security blanket for everything...not just money.

it's not as bad as it sounds! it's not often at all and i'm never making him short. he's got the money, and he knows i will always pay him back.

that is a great deal! 19.99 instead of 100!

i hope you manage to sort the funding out for your surgery x

[anxiousmess]

yeah, you're right! i can do it...i just need to figure out how!

no improvement as of yet
just ordered loads of plant seeds a couple days ago.
you can get catnip seeds!!

i can only buy what i can afford as i have no overdraft on my bank card. my credit card, i never remembered my credit card details as i maxed it out asap. so my time was spent paying it off.
when my new card came through, my dad made me cut it up infront of him.

i don't know where the other cards go...i haven't had anew one in a long time.

this seems to be just one of my many obsessions. i flitter from one thing to another. some can last for months, some for days some never seem to go.
can't wait to see this psychiatrist!!