Real issue or anxiety?

[unhappy99]

I do not have anxiety issues, (that I know of!) but my boyfriend does and I need help on understanding him. We have been together 2.5 years and all this time he tells me he loves me so much can't wait to marry met etc etc. I have always been the cautious one as I am 10 years older than him and have been married before. I am 36 and he is 26, he's a mature 26 good job stable his family supports us, etc. I also have a son who my BF loves and they get along great, he kept talking about moving in with us after marriage and how he can't wait, then as we started to set a date I could tell something was up...he started smoking which he only ever did when we had a big fight and he was easily angered like he would do when his anxiety would pop up in the past. So I confronted him and he admitted that he's not sure he's ready for all of this the commitment, the responsibility (which I am fully self supporting my household and never ask for anything) he might one day want to start an online business and if he's married what if he can't do that, will I be too old to have more than one or two children if we so desire...he's also worried that we have to have our child within the next 5 years even though he's always not wanted to wait at all..

So Suddenly all of these things came up that he has been repressing (not sure for how long) he said about a month ago they all hit him and he can't get them out of his head, so we talked about them and of course I did get defensive as they are about not wanting to be with me, then next day he took it all back said he loves me more than anything and that overshadows his doubts and fears for another week we went on.

I knew he wasn't right so I suggested he take some time alone to think and figure it all out, he jumped on that then that very night he was texting me how it was a bad idea to be apart etc. It's been 4 days and he agreed to see the therapist he had worked with before and said she thinks it's a lot of normal issues people have with commitment but compounded by anxiety but also they are real issues. He is more than willing to work to keep me so I know he loves me like he says he does I just have no idea anything about anxiety and if these are compounded by that or just regular old issues..

Sorry for the long backstory, here is where I am at does that sound like anxiety and I need to stand by his side or is it really for real issues in our relationship that he just had been ignoring for almost 3 years? I mean we have had in depth talks and every time he was gung ho and just now out of the blue to freak out...I am crushed and will hold on and work with him I just don't know if there is anything to work with :(

[alankay]

Yes. Fear of commitment is common with anxious dudes and many men in general. Especially....................me!!!!!!
Anyway I think it could have allot to due with it all. He may get anxious as the possiblity of a commitment coming close to being fulfilled draws nearer. For me it was the concept of me being a liablity to my gal. I felt guilty she would have to be with a "defective guy". I don't see it that way now but did. I felt I might be doing her a diservice by allowing her to commit to me with as many doubts as I had about myself. With some help I got past that. We all have difficulties of some sort. Alankay