People not seeing you for who you are

[shoe]

Does this cause many of you to feel depressed? It sure does bring me down sometimes, when people judge me to be something I'm not and treat me poorly or talk down to me. It's really frustrating having to deal with and accept these types of people.

Just because I act differently then others, or may not join in certain social events or be more outspoken doesn't mean I'm a 'certain' type of person. Noone should try to categorize another person, but it sure makes living in and accepting the world so much more easier. People like things nice and tidy and organized in neat little packages. To understand and be open and accepting of others takes a bit more effort and compassion and humanity than most people are willing to give. I try to be understanding myself, but it's so hard when people are beating you down to be willing to accept the limitations in them which prevent them from accepting the concept that maybe, just maybe, I really am more than I appear to be.

dan

[Fear]

You know what?I'm always angry if someone treats me bad or differently or ask me question about what I do how I have fun,given I'm different.You gotta speak clearly,to me honesty is the best thing.You gotta tell them what you're all about.I think always that everybody has problems;ours it's just this,to be anxious.They gotta accept you for what you are if they don't,then ok go away,I don't need you!!Live for yourself.When your down,there's no one there telling you:"Be brave".You gotta tell them which are your plans for your life,everybody dreams and say:"You know,I wanna do this.If I can do it,ok.If I can't I'll keep on trying."Don't make them let you down,fight!Try to do something to take everything out of your chest.If music makes you feel well like me,then lsten to it.Keep your mind busy with stuff that you like and dedicate your life to.Speak clear!Be yourself!

[shoe]

Fear, good advice, thanks for your input. Problem is its not easy to speak clearly and tell people how things are, thats one of the bonuses of anxiety. I have trouble thinking clearly and speaking intelligently and focusing on what I'm saying while anxious... so a lot of the time I just can't explain why I am the way I am or that I have anxiety or that I can't do things because of it.

It'd be great to say 'if you dont understand, then just blow', but in a work situation you can't do that - you need to work with these people day in and day out.. and that's mainly what made me post what I did - people in my workplace just are so judgmental and quick to assume they know things about you, plus all the dumb corporate politics and grade school behavior that goes on, it all just frustrates the heck out of me. Outside of work I don't see many people so its a nice relief to be away from this atmopshere for a while.

Anyway, I did actually confront one of these ignorant people this week who decided to 'file a complaint' about me to a boss over some stupid time issue. For some reason people like to target me because of their dislike for me. But there's only so much crap I will take before I just let loose. I actually wasn't too sure if I'd lose my job by standing up for myself, but I did push myself to confront everyone that needed to be confronted about some of these negative things being said about me behind my back. Felt good hehe, but further pissed one or two people off. Oh well! Might not make any friends here, but at least I feel better about myself.

[klb]

I try not to take stuff sooo personal from others...but on the otherhand, some cannot be excused.. :wink:

[Fear]

you know,I was that way once but I got better.I started to calm down in every way and tried to keep control of my hands shaking everytime.It was horrible,my hands shook no control and I had to hide them.But I tired of that and I begin to take control of my reaction a little bit.Sometimes,though it's really hard,no matter what I can do.My symptoms change,if I can't shake than my voice goes low if I talk or I stammer a little.
I'm sorry,I don't know about the work atmosphere,if you read what I wrote in the social disorder session you'll understand,what is me.
I've found out that to avoid that people go against you and be mean to you,you gotta show them that you are the only person who they could trust.At school,I didn't judge anyone,I made my own business,and I was always willing for others.Nobody could speak bad about me,they would have been the ones to be shit,if there was someone telling something bad about me I told them in their face.Then if they hated me it was better,they stayed far from me.I can't stand people disrespecting me!
Sometimes I said things clearly and they all got shocked!But it's ok,I like to shock them.
You just gotta think it's your life,you don't gotta be like they want you to be.It's not fair.
If what happens at work affects you so much even when you're quiet at home,than try to don't care.WHat is your job about,how much hours do you do?I'll help you.

[klb]

you know,I was that way once but I got better.I started to calm down in every way and tried to keep control of my hands shaking everytime.It was horrible,my hands shook no control and I had to hide them.But I tired of that and I begin to take control of my reaction a little bit.Sometimes,though it's really hard,no matter what I can do.My symptoms change,if I can't shake than my voice goes low if I talk or I stammer a little.
I'm sorry,I don't know about the work atmosphere,if you read what I wrote in the social disorder session you'll understand,what is me.
I've found out that to avoid that people go against you and be mean to you,you gotta show them that you are the only person who they could trust.At school,I didn't judge anyone,I made my own business,and I was always willing for others.Nobody could speak bad about me,they would have been the ones to be shit,if there was someone telling something bad about me I told them in their face.Then if they hated me it was better,they stayed far from me.I can't stand people disrespecting me!
Sometimes I said things clearly and they all got shocked!But it's ok,I like to shock them.
You just gotta think it's your life,you don't gotta be like they want you to be.It's not fair.
If what happens at work affects you so much even when you're quiet at home,than try to don't care.WHat is your job about,how much hours do you do?I'll help you.

I feel you are who you are, people either accept it or they dont....

[Fear]

yeah,is like everyone act like that.The advice "be yourself" is the best really.It's not worth it to worry when no one else does,uh?

[klb]

yeah,is like everyone act like that.The advice "be yourself" is the best really.It's not worth it to worry when no one else does,uh?
always! be yourself.....

[shoe]

perhaps I should have been more clearer about my disorder - I have social anxiety disorder, which deals with fears about what others think of me and how I feel I am portrayed to them, and how I act in social settings. While I could certainly *try* to 'just be myself', thats a statement thats akin to someone saying 'just get over your anxiety'. I can only truly be 'me' in the absence of anxiety.

Anyway, regarding taking things personally.. I honestly try not to take it personally - that is, *outside* of the situation, where I can gain better perspective of things. But when you are stuck inside a situation day in and day out where people constantly judge you poorly and treat you poorly, well, I don't think many people could wade through that muck and not be affected in some way.

Well, I'm only going to be here a few more months, so for now I'm gonna bite my tongue and try to stay away from these people :p

[Fear]

THat's just happens to me!Sometimes,though,I can feel magically comfortable and stuff,that's rare though.Sorry I wanted to help you and I just said bullshit;it's hard to find a solution and give only advices.

[shoe]

Fear, well its good advice generally... its just hard to apply for me. I do appreciate the effort tho :)

I need to work on getting better and getting to that stage where I am comfortable with myself and around others, its gonna be a tough road tho! hehe.

[Fear]

yeah but,good luck anyway.

[brickyard_red]

Shoe, I certainly hope that things are going alright for you at work now. It's been awhile since you guys were talking and I just hope that things haven't gotten worse. People can be so cruel sometimes. What's the point?? I never did understand why others want to make fun of and belittle others that they KNOW are having a problem. Are they that mean that they want to heap coals on the fire that is already burning this person!! How immature. :x

I know how hard it can be to have to go in a place where you know everyone is looking at you and judging you. It's the worst! I hope that you are able to leave there soon and find a better job where you will feel more comfortable!!

Cath

[wanderingsoul21]

I know how you feel, hell, practically my parents and I were torn apart because of people's judgment. When I was 16, I got blamed for doing everything, from drugs to prostitution to drinking, every thing but which was not true. The child protective service ppl were sent to my house and found out it wasn't ture, someone said at the time that I was 13 and I was one of the lost girls lol I was like hey, I do my work at home and I would go out at night and hang out and walk continuously all through the neighborhood because of my RLS(restless leg syndrome) and yeah people will most certainly get jealous of all that energy and who you hang with(even family) and say that you are hanging in the wrong crowd. Which most foremost those people saying things and doing things trying to destroy others are only destroying themselves. You are not the only one who has been through, I went through a living hell most of my life and for the last 5 yrs up until I moved it was the depths of hell. Now, I seem to be doing just fine.
There's too many ppl out in the world and what are they good for ya know. I mean if they have nothing else to do but to meddle or nose in other ppls lives, they need to just go fuckoff but at times they don't know when to quit. It's best just to move far far away from it so ya can't see their damn faces again or even hear them.

[shoe]

wanderingsoul, wow.. sounds like you had it tough and cant blame ya for being so angry.

I'd actually love to move someplace else and get away but sometimes you can't. :?

Anyway, things aren't so bad for me right now, nobody's being a pain in my a$$ hehe. My assignment (as a temp.) was actually extended till next Spring so I'm glad to at least be able to pay the bills till then! :P

(cant wait till Spring tho lol)

[duddits]

I feel like im being treated or talked to a certain way just because of the way I am (SA). Either you have people thinking you're stuck-up because you're not as socialable as everyone else. Then you have those that think up the craziest things about you just because you behave a certain way when you're anxious. Alas, I guess we've all made unfounded assumptions about atleast someone we've seen or met.

[brickyard_red]

Hey Dan, glad to hear that your assignment at work was extended. That should be a burden off your shoulders for awhile at least. My husband worked as a temp for two years starting in 2000 and it's not fun, but they do seem to place you in jobs pretty quickly. I hope this has been the case with you.

Cath :)

[brickyard_red]

Hi James, it can hurt when people think of us as stuck up because we aren't as outgoing as they "think" we should be. I've been there many times. And people makes jokes about how quiet we can be too. Like going through school a substitute teacher called me "Chatty Cathey" once and it stuck all through school. I didn't let it bother me though. I would just smile and shrug my shoulders like "Oh well, get over it."

The way I look at it is I try and have pity on the ones that have to make a big deal out of someone else's problem. One day they will find themselves not so perfect and then what are they going to do? Make fun of themselves?? I think not!

At least we all have each other now and know we can all come here and be safe to voice how we are really feeling. :)

Cath :)

The way I look at it is I try and have pity on the ones that have to make a big deal out of someone else's problem. One day they will find themselves not so perfect and then what are they going to do? Make fun of themselves?? I think not!

At least we all have each other now and know we can all come here and be safe to voice how we are really feeling.

I couldn't agree with you more Cathy!! :D

[Fear]

I think we're just human.We can say we have a kind of quality,which is:we care about everything happening around us and about everybody.I think that's beautiful to care.We just care too much,we're oversensitive.
You know what, I'm in bad situations sometimes,really unconfortable and when I go home and think about it I'm pissed off.I'm trying to find my own balance now and it works.It's just I don't want people to think I'm stupid or I don't have a brain or stuff like that, because I need to adapt my activities to who I am.Now I'm simply trying to show them,I am this and if I do some things they don't it's coz I'm different only.I want to defend my intelligence and my right to be myself,this means I don't gotta let people step on me,I won't give them a chance to do that;that's why I try to be always a fair person.The most important thing is respect to me.

[brickyard_red]

Well said Fear! *clapping*

Cath :)

[Fear]

thanks 8)

[SuGaR!*]

i hate ppl like that its like they only see things from one point of view, like i get the impression from alot of ppl that they think im just some little thing that can b snapped in 2 just because im not really load an constantly take the piss out of ppl, i think its childish and its never funny. an that another thing if i dont find somthing funny that every1 else do but its like something 1 yr old would laugh at they think im in a mood an somthing is wrong but its like noooo u just got a shit sense of humor. an as well wen i get anxious my mind goes blank so ppl automattically think ur really thick.

[Fear]

i hate ppl like that its like they only see things from one point of view, like i get the impression from alot of ppl that they think im just some little thing that can b snapped in 2 just because im not really load an constantly take the piss out of ppl, i think its childish and its never funny. an that another thing if i dont find somthing funny that every1 else do but its like something 1 yr old would laugh at they think im in a mood an somthing is wrong but its like noooo u just got a shit sense of humor. an as well wen i get anxious my mind goes blank so ppl automattically think ur really thick.

I understand very well what you're meaning,Sugar.No one ever thinks there's ups and downs in your life(more downs I think for this).I always say we'll always have an harder time in life to be respected to be taken seriously or simply to feel part of "them".Having an harder time I think isn't that bad cause it's a constant challenge for you to see how much you can stand and how much you think things will take you down and say:"I'm going to give in!" and how much you can grow as a person learning that you don't have to take things for granted.This is really important.The bad is it's like we're constantly feeling on the edge.We have weaknesses like everyone else but someone has them daily for many things and show them against their will.
You have to keep in mind that you're not stupid even if someone could make you think that and that you gotta fight (Best Of You of Foo Fighters is about that,ever heard?!).When you feel fine and suddenly anxiety doesn't happen and you're even surprise for that,that is the time to hit,act,show other people what you're made of!!!Never lose the trust in yourself.I really really hope you have those times so you can have your little "revenge" on things.Good luck,man tell me something. :)

[The Healing Guy]

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Michael[b]